Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

I think I've upset my neighbours

121 replies

Happilysinglemum · 22/04/2021 19:21

Last year while I was away for a week my neighbours erected a fence down the middle of a shared drive. This has left me with a drive which is no longer wide enough to open both car doors, which is rather a problem as I have 2 children so my autistic 10 year old ends up having to stand in the road while I get the car out. Around Christmas I approached the housing association who own the properties to ask if they would consider widening part of my drive, it would mean I would loose part of my front garden but at least I'd be able to open the doors. They sent a surveyor within weeks who visited while I was at work, he left a card to say he had been and someone would be in touch.

When I got to March and I still hadn't heard anything I phoned again and asked for the housing officer to ring me as it is ridiculous to keep struggling and I was looking for a decision on my widening or an alternative suggestion. I also explained that I needed to speak to him as the horizontal rail is overhanging my side of the drive and blocking me from replacing my fence, it is only the horizontal rails, the posts are lined up with the boundary line.

He never phoned me back and due to Easter and work I have yet to chase.

This morning I received a letter from the housing association telling me a surveyor has examined the fence, it is constructed correctly and they have no issues with its location. I have never suggested it is not constructed correctly.

I tried to speak to my neighbour this afternoon, while not outwardly rude she told me the HA had told her I had complained and that her fence was fine and was going nowhere, I pointed out that her fence was blocking the end of mine and she offered to move that rail when I change the fence.

Where do I go from here? I feel that the landlord has created a potential neighbour dispute in speaking to my neighbour and not me.

OP posts:

Aprilx · 22/04/2021 19:58

@Aprilshowersandhail

The op was getting her dc out onto the shared drive. Not ndn's drive... Flag the lot op. And never ever do anything for ndn. No parcels or owt... Awkward bag.

It obviously wasn’t a shared drive though was it, otherwise the council wouldn’t have said there was no problem with the location of the new fence. It was two drives without a dividing fence that OP treated as a shared drive and the neighbour has now decided to fence off their part,

Aprilshowersandhail · 22/04/2021 20:03

Op please check your tenancy.. Your ll may be at fault..

Google tells me you don't rent half each you both rent a shared drive...
HA are arse holes imo..

Youdontknowwhatyoureonabout · 22/04/2021 20:03

@Bluntness100

Just buy a few cheap paving slabs ans park over the grass area. It doesn’t need to be this hard.

Yep. DM has HA house. She bought a couple of flags to lay on the grass.

SweetPetrichor · 22/04/2021 20:04

Clearly it’s not a shared drive, just Atwood drives that was previously without a dividing marker. This is a complete non-issue. Just put a paving slab down or tell your child to wipe their feet. You’re making a mountain out of a molehill!

SweetPetrichor · 22/04/2021 20:04

...two, not Atwood. Stupid autocorrect!

notthemum · 22/04/2021 20:06

Autistic child may not be able to deal with scooting across the car seat/ may have a hissy fit if they can't get in 'their' side/may not be able to cope with other child scooting across 'their' seat. Depends on how the childs autism presents itself.

Op do you get any mobility allowance for your autistic child ? If so maybe talk to council about getting a disabled space outside of your house ?

Bagelsandbrie · 22/04/2021 20:10

@notthemum

Autistic child may not be able to deal with scooting across the car seat/ may have a hissy fit if they can't get in 'their' side/may not be able to cope with other child scooting across 'their' seat. Depends on how the childs autism presents itself. Op do you get any mobility allowance for your autistic child ? If so maybe talk to council about getting a disabled space outside of your house ?

This.

FlyingBurrito · 22/04/2021 20:13

@notthemum

Autistic child may not be able to deal with scooting across the car seat/ may have a hissy fit if they can't get in 'their' side/may not be able to cope with other child scooting across 'their' seat. Depends on how the childs autism presents itself. Op do you get any mobility allowance for your autistic child ? If so maybe talk to council about getting a disabled space outside of your house ?

If that was the case wouldn't the OP have mentioned it rather than a spurious problem with cat poo

Bluntness100 · 22/04/2021 20:14

@notthemum

Autistic child may not be able to deal with scooting across the car seat/ may have a hissy fit if they can't get in 'their' side/may not be able to cope with other child scooting across 'their' seat. Depends on how the childs autism presents itself. Op do you get any mobility allowance for your autistic child ? If so maybe talk to council about getting a disabled space outside of your house ?

I mean this politely but it’s irrelevant. There’s plenty of space for the doors to be open. She just needs to put something on the grass so they don’t walk on it as she’s an issue with that.

viques · 22/04/2021 20:20

Shouldn’t there be a diagram since this is technically a parking thread?

rwalker · 22/04/2021 20:26

All you need to do is get 1/2 a dozen paving flags to put on the grass for kids to step onto wouldn't cost more than £25 .
HA are charities and it would cost hundreds if not a grand to widen drive .
You could of sort this yourself for next to nothing

Chloemol · 22/04/2021 20:43

Write to the HA formally, tell them your issues, autistic child etc and you would like them to widen the drive

If they won’t can you put sone slabs down on the grass and do it that way?

ConstantlyChanging · 22/04/2021 20:54

Just walk on the grass and wipe your feet.

toocold54 · 22/04/2021 21:08

Autistic child may not be able to deal with scooting across the car seat/ may have a hissy fit if they can't get in 'their' side/may not be able to cope with other child scooting across 'their' seat. Depends on how the childs autism presents itself.
Op do you get any mobility allowance for your autistic child ? If so maybe talk to council about getting a disabled space outside of your house

Surely OP could just reverse into the drive so the autistic child doesn’t need to scoot over if it’s that much of a big deal.

JimBobNoJob · 22/04/2021 21:08

I thought you were going to say that the car was now sandwiched between the fence and wall which I would understand the issue. But if your only concern is that one of your dc has to stand on the grass then the quickest and easiest solution would be paving slabs as suggested

Surely this would be preferable than having your stand dc on the road whilst you get the car out.

toocold54 · 22/04/2021 21:08

If cat poo is a problem you can get those cat alarms which may help if you can’t afford slabs right now.

Beseigedbykillersquirrels · 22/04/2021 21:16

Good grief, what a load of fuss about nothing. You were obviously using some of your neighbour's drive to get in and out of the car before, they got fed up of it and put a fence up to mark their boundary. Rather than expect one of your children to step onto grass, or you to check first for cat poo, make them take their shoes off at the door, put down some sort of hardstanding, you are phoning the HA to send numerous people round at goodness knows what cost, getting your autistic child to stand in a road and then posting on here to solve this?
It really is a wonder how some people manage to get themselves dressed in the morning.

Blindstupid · 22/04/2021 21:18

viques 😂😂😂 .... yes absolutely 🤣🤣🤣

DontBeRidiculous · 22/04/2021 21:39

You could try to explain the situation to the neighbour the next time you get a chance, or write a friendly note explaining the misunderstanding to her (though I know that on MN, notes are the work of the devil). Or just let it go, under the premise that least said, soonest mended.

I'd follow the suggestions of ways to prevent your children from having to stand on the lawn. Paving stones needn't cost much, and it sounds like you wouldn't need many to fix the problem.

gah2teenagers · 22/04/2021 22:04

Have a look at grasscrete. Plastic reinforcement for grass. It’s invisible and the grass still grows. You may have seen it in places like festival entrances/near wcs etc. You will only need 3-4 bits. We got 6m2 for a garden gym for about £70 on Amazon.

LIZS · 22/04/2021 22:09

Or use a surface like grasscrete to reinforce the grass on the far side.

Dishwashersaurous · 22/04/2021 22:10

If it was genuinely shared drive then the neighbour wouldn't have been allowed to build a fence. Instead it was side by side drives without a clear divide.

Therefore op was using her neighbour drive .

Why not get the children to shuffle across, or wipe their shoes after standing on the grass.

Bluntness100 · 22/04/2021 22:21

Were you parking on her drive? To get both sets of doors open, and to be still standing on the drive on your side, you need two car widths, because of the width of the doors,, so two drive ways, is this why she’s put the fence up? You were parking on her drive?

Couchbettato · 22/04/2021 22:39

I definitely feel like a diagram is needed.

Rillington · 22/04/2021 22:44

You must have been using their side before the fence was erected. I don't blame them for putting a fence up.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5