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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not beleive that a women not breast feed is selfish and using 'i couldnt' as an excuse?

448 replies

aleciawalton · 12/11/2007 23:20

im a mum of 1 who bf till 15 months, and now pregnant with second and will bf. i also am a breast friend and took training to support mums who are bfeeding. ( learned how milk is produced, history, attachment...)

i just think that too many women use 'i couldnt bf' as an excuse. its only been in the last 50 to 60 years bottles and formula have been around. what happened back then??? did more then 50% of the babys die? no cuase back then 99% women breast fed! why could they do it then and not now???
i just feel it a cop out and the mums are just being selfish.
yes its hard, but so was labour, so raising a kid. however they choise to have the baby. i know it takes time and comittment and not having that all important wine drink. but i personaly think that its for how long??? if i can give my child the best start and yes it can take a year or 2 but is my child not worth it??
if some one said to you while prego you have a choise to either have your baby and make your child as healthy as it can be or just have the baby, what would you want? why do we give the baby vitamine K, if not to help the baby be healthy. would you not get your baby vaccinated?

sorry just makes me mad. when i hear my nipples hurt and thats cant be normal so i stopped. or babys 3 weeks old and wanted feeding all the time so it ment i didnt have enough milk so i stopped. or there's a xmas party i want to go to so im not going to bf. the exuces go one. i really love the one 'bf is not natural, its disusting'. WTF were breast made for then and why does milk come out of them???

OP posts:
LuckyUnderpants · 13/11/2007 12:44

and i did correct myself in another post dont know if you saw that? what diference does it make to you anyway MG do you know the OP

fedupwasherwoman · 13/11/2007 12:45

mommygoose

at a gynaecologist who can't spell....

a) gynaecologist
b) probably
c) surprised
d) lovely
e) thread
f) possible
g) meant
h) Britain

P.S. mumsnet is worldwide not just the U.K. which is what you probably meant

LuckyUnderpants · 13/11/2007 12:47

mummygoose your spelling is a bad a aleciawalton's

fedupwasherwoman · 13/11/2007 12:48

What I mean is you certainly aren't advising me on my fanjo or any futher in if you can't spell for starters.

You must be related to the OP as poor spelling seems to be something you have in common.

hunkermunker · 13/11/2007 12:50

Ahem

My2Weegirls · 13/11/2007 12:50

noonar - here's a limk to the updated who charts based on breast feeding

www.who.int/childgrowth/standards/chts_wfa_girls_p/en/index.html

Lulumama · 13/11/2007 12:54

this whole thing of 'ignore the post if you don;t like it'

no, cannot do that

for reasons i outlined further down, it is not right to allow posts like AWs to go unchallenged

she has potentially done some harm to other BF counsellors and supporters, and women who have struggled with BF

so, mommygoose, it is really just not on to allow women to post such divisive OPs, if no -one challenged it, the OP would have taken it for granted her views were ok, and being endorsed.

also, i am sure, as a gynae, you know just how important sensitivity is to women pre, intra and post partum

something AW has shown a distinct lack of.

mosschops30 · 13/11/2007 12:55

lets hope their breastfed babies grow up to be more intelligent and may be able express themselves sensibly and maybe even be able to spell properly.
Obviously the OP has none of these benefits oh and your attitude sucks

shrinkingsagpuss · 13/11/2007 12:55

Does poor spelling (when typing) mean you are stupid then? Or perhaps english is not your first language, or perhaps you can't ype for toffee, or perhaps you are just incensed and are typing quickly, and don't go back to correct your mistakes... or perhaps dyslexic?

Lets get a grip. this is about b/f or f/f and some daft OP. Can we keep it in perspective?

rookiemum · 13/11/2007 12:56

I agree so much with HM, I struggled with BF and gave up (my sob story, tongue tie wasn't latching properly, was given formula in hospital as top up). I tried to get through to BF support lines but probably due to low funding etc. never managed to speak to anyone.

If I had managed to speak to a BF counsellor who secretly harboured thoughts that anyone considering ff was lazy it probably would have pushed me over the edge as I didn't find those early days easy.

We are hoping to have another DC and I plan to BF but recognise that I will need support for that. Again, if I came across a BF adviser who has already pre judged me based on my previous experience, that isn't going to help.

On the other side could some of the people who have jumped in with their hysterical and innovative comments likening pro BFders to the third reich just calm themselves down for a minute. It's not big and it's not clever when people like HM offer their advice freely and supportively to so many mumsnetters.

noonar · 13/11/2007 12:57

tahnks my2. will save that for no 3!

shrinkingsagpuss · 13/11/2007 12:59

rookiemum - to be fair - I thought the whole thread was going to be a pro b/f rant... and i was wrong. My post was made before reading more of the other posts!

mommygoose · 13/11/2007 13:00

Yes ladies was having some problems while BFing and typing and getting my DD2 to eat lunch. I am new to mumsnet and assumed it was only a UK thing as was only introduced to it when moved here. I?m not saying what your saying is not true. There are many medical and emotional reasons a mom cannot feed. I was/am lucky I can.
I think that every one is in titled to there own views. []

tiktok · 13/11/2007 13:00

alecia, please, please talk about your feelings with your supervisor or tutor, or whoever mentors the support group you trained with.

Of course you can't help your gut feellings - we all have those on various topics - but part of being a true supporter to other mothers is to have insight into our gut feelings, to understand where they come from, and in time, maybe to change them.

As soon as you go out into the world offering support to other mothers, you have to put your own feelings to one side, especially if they involve a judgement about other women's motives. I know you say you keep those feelings to yourself, but new mothers are very, very sensitive and they can smell bullshit even when there are no bulls around! You need to work on those very same feelings, and develop empathy and openness.

Keep the anger and the frustration, but don't direct it, even in your heart, at individual mothers. Instead, look at the terrible postnatal support women have; look at the commercial pressure and social pressure to keep mothers and babies apart and to buy a whole load of 'stuff' to make it easier; look at the f**d up attitudes women have to cope with...and above all, look at the fact that women have an individual right to do something you don't want to do with your children!

And yes, your attitude, and the attitude of cowardly name changer BreastIsBest, make my life more difficult. I'm at the sharp end, supporting and helping mothers every day, and telling people that support and help is non-judgemental, and no, we don't criticise mothers who formula feed, and yes, we understand all the complexities of infant feeding.....and then 2 posters like you come along and undermine it .

Do you understand why it's not good to express your feelings in this way? And alecia - will you seek out some further training, and take this thread with you?

There is nothing wrong at all with passion and strength of feeling. But with that, comes the responsibility to look at the wider picture and to rein yourself in, if necessary.

CountessDracula · 13/11/2007 13:03

Oh right
so all people can breastfeed can they?

What about those who can't?

mommygoose · 13/11/2007 13:08

No I do not know AW. But can see both sides here. Maybe if some one here did know her they could explain what was going on in her head when she wrote this?
Like I said I was lucky to BF but personally my sister could not. It was hard on her. Her DS is 2 and she still feels guilty.
There is no right answer when BF or FF, it?s the mom who knows what is right for her and baby.
Have to leave for a bit, to put DD for a nap.

margoandjerry · 13/11/2007 13:10

rookiemum, my nazi reference was ironic...

fedupwasherwoman · 13/11/2007 13:12

mommygoose

nice try but you need to know...

the difference between:-

"there" and "their", also
"your" and "you're"

finally I think you mean "entitled to their own views".
"in" and "titled" are spelt correctly but make no sense placed where they are in your final sentence.

Spelling checking software has limitations.

So you're still not getting anywhere near my fanjo , gynae or not.

manchita · 13/11/2007 13:16

I have learnt a lot from this post. I had never met anyone who had had problems b/f but I can now see that there are many varied reasons why women want to b/f and can't.
I do think we need to change atitudes to b/f in our society as a whole, which is why the OP needs to be more sensitive.
If I was a breast feeding advisor like her I would be more annoyed at the women whom blatantly refuse to breastfeed than those who want to yet can't.
I was quite smug about b/f with my dc1 and I did think it uninformed when I saw small babies being fed formula. Since then I have learnt to live and let live a bit more ( but I still wish we had more breastfeeders!)
Maybe the OP was just venting her anger here, as some of the posters are obviously doing right back at her.
There's is one thing I have noticed about MN-
things can get quite nasty out there. Some posters come across as a bit sad and petty, to be honest.
Hope you won't judge me too harshly if I make a few spelling mistakes

rookiemum · 13/11/2007 13:20

Margoandjerry, point taken on your post, don't want to fall out with you as I nod my head at a lot of what you say.

VictorianSqualor · 13/11/2007 13:20

manchita, I think the person whose grammar/spelling is being picked up on actually commented on someone elses post first.
Pot. Kettle. Black?
I had problems due to my DD being premature, but fed DS with relative ease, I too didnt understand just how desperately awful it can be for some people, am just glad MN opened my eyes to it, hopefully the same could be said for the OP after this thread.
I think that is why people are getting so annoyed with her, her post clearly stated that she had no sympathy for those who tried, and weren't able, the one group of people likely to feel the largest amount of guilt for not breast feeding!
I do agree that I wish there were more people willing to try breastfeeding though.

fedupwasherwoman · 13/11/2007 13:21

Ah but Manchita, you and I are not professing to be a gynaecologist so there's nothing suspicious even if we make loads of spelling mistakes.

margoandjerry · 13/11/2007 13:22
Smile
pukkapatch · 13/11/2007 13:23

agree with op in that women can all breastfeed, only a tiny tiny tiny minrity cant.
in the past, women breastfed because their was NO OTHER OPTION unless youwere rich and could afford a wet nurse, in which case y ou didnt even try and simply handed the baby over soon as it popped out.
or babies were given milk fro m other animals, cows, goats, sheep, etc.

however, in those parts of the world where we have access to clean drinking water, sterilisation techniques etc etc etc, there are no propblems with formula feeding as such. (except for the whole human milk versus other species milk debate) both types of feeding provide a child with adequate nutrition and their is far more to parenting than the type of milk provided initially.

please remember that on mn peopel voice opinions they would never dare in real life.

dressedupnowheretogotilxmas · 13/11/2007 13:28

i think the op is being brutal

i loved bfing and wanted to bf until my lo was 12mo at least i had to give up at 10 mo for my sanity which was a waste of time anyway

and i still feel i let my lo down so for all those women who struggled with latching on cracked nipples infections well done for having a go

and all those who didn't it was their choice to make nfortunatley we need to look at how we bring our children up so they dont find breasts anything other than a part of the body rather something to hide because of the sexalised environment we live in