to not beleive that a women not breast feed is selfish and using 'i couldnt' as an excuse?

[aleciawalton]

im a mum of 1 who bf till 15 months, and now pregnant with second and will bf. i also am a breast friend and took training to support mums who are bfeeding. ( learned how milk is produced, history, attachment...)

i just think that too many women use 'i couldnt bf' as an excuse. its only been in the last 50 to 60 years bottles and formula have been around. what happened back then??? did more then 50% of the babys die? no cuase back then 99% women breast fed! why could they do it then and not now???
i just feel it a cop out and the mums are just being selfish.
yes its hard, but so was labour, so raising a kid. however they choise to have the baby. i know it takes time and comittment and not having that all important wine drink. but i personaly think that its for how long??? if i can give my child the best start and yes it can take a year or 2 but is my child not worth it??
if some one said to you while prego you have a choise to either have your baby and make your child as healthy as it can be or just have the baby, what would you want? why do we give the baby vitamine K, if not to help the baby be healthy. would you not get your baby vaccinated?

sorry just makes me mad. when i hear my nipples hurt and thats cant be normal so i stopped. or babys 3 weeks old and wanted feeding all the time so it ment i didnt have enough milk so i stopped. or there's a xmas party i want to go to so im not going to bf. the exuces go one. i really love the one 'bf is not natural, its disusting'. WTF were breast made for then and why does milk come out of them???

well i do think a lot of women use "i couldn't breastfeed" as an excuse but what does it matter? i breastfed my kids & i help other mum's b/f their babies if they want help(also a breastfriend)
i loved b/f
some hate it
some cannot do it
some dont want to

it's up to them

lets feed our babies how we want/can

alecia get over yourself and learn some compassion or you're gonna be a crap best friend

I like the sound of this 'breastfriend' thing by the way.

We could have done with that ten years ago. We had an AWFUL time with it cos we got kicked out of the hospital so soon and got no support whatsoever on it at home.

The midwife was shit and just wanted to see if the baby was breathing and get out the door.

Why hasn't anyone explained the rather ignorant question of why 50% of babies didn't die years ago?

It's because back then if you couldn't bf a wetnurse would do it for you.

There's another whole can of worms - why is it unacceptable to do this these days? (And I know about transmitting HIV via breastmilk, but 99% of people wouldn't bf the baby of a family member/close friend whom they'd trust implicitly, so that's not the issue).

Alecia, it's great that you are a 'breast friend'. You are woefully misinformed about a mothers reasons for not breastfeeding.

I also fear you are suffering from a little PFB syndrome, but, that remains to be proven. Let's just see how you get on with your next one first.

There are lots of mothers who felt unable to breastfeed for one reason or another. It is ignorant of you to assume that this is an 'excuse' to get out of breastfeeding. The reasons that they may not have been able to may well be 'easily' fixed, but, if they havent had the appropriate support and advice - how can we possibly feel anything except the utmost sympathy for these women who undoubtedly feel bad? I think you are being somewhat short-sighted in your evaluation of the situation as a whole, and if you are to be an outstanding b/feeding peer then you need to educate yourself a little more into the complexities of b/feeding and the reasons why it hasnt work for some women.

Finally, I think mothers feel bad enough about various aspects of parenting - especially if they wanted to b/feed and couldnt and I wonder if ill-informed judgements such as yours actually serve to make mothers feel worse not better. I hope you dont convey this attitude to the women you support.

So in answer to your OP - YABU.

YABU.

I wouldn't want to run into you if I was looking for bf support....

having a bad day, read op and about to launch into one then read colditz's first post, serious rofl - you have completely made my day

as for the op having being cheered up I will add a mild, fed ds1 for 4 months at 6 weeks started mixed feeding on advice of health visitor as his weight had dropped from 50th centile to underweight. Fed ds2 for over 2 year no probs. Not sure what you make of that.

And unlike other nice posters the bitch in me hopes you have problems feeding next time and understand what other mumsnetters have felt.

i started replying to this and then realised i was making no sense, it is 2am!!
Yes yabu. Plenty of women beat themselves up over not bf, I think they'd rather struggle than feel guilty and judged! But sometimes it just doesn't happen. You are right IMO that most women can physically bf, if they 'can't', it's usually but not always down to lack of appropriate support at the right time.
The comments about drinking are wrong, haven't most women just spent 9 months not drinking / drinking tiny amounts? You can drink more when bf than when pg anyway!

As someone did say to me when your dd1 is born she well be in heart failure or at the very least - very very seriously ILL and will be taken straight to ICU - you will not be able to breastfeed - oh I threw a tantrum and said NO - my breasts are for feeding my child and I want to breast feed so my baby can have the best chance of being healthy

tbh - what a load of tosh and I thank the lord someone like you was not around when I was struggling to feed dd2 - I had instead a very supportive husband and sil who were non judgemental but helpful and supportive.

Someone who did not make me feel like crap cause my eldest child was fed via ng tube for the first 8 weeks of her life and was largely formula fed with the very little I was able to express - despite having an emergency c-section and a very very ill child. That babe then went on to have specialised formula in order to repair her lymph system which was damaged during cardiac surgery - OH no I should I shouted again about my need to breast feed and have my child healthy.

Thank god my mother had formula to access when she physiologically was unable to feed the three of us. Otherwise we may not be here. Did your breast friend course tell you that some women are physically unable to breastfeed - like my mother due to an unusual physiology.

Thank goodness there are people in the world who are compassionate and empathic not narrow minded and ignorant.

TBH this post reminds me of the saying that sometimes a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

Another viewpoint. Most of my generation (born in 60s) were bottle-fed as far as I know. And you know something, on the whole, we have grown -up healthy, bright and articulate members of society.

alicia, only read your first post so apologies if this has already been said. I couldn't bf dd2, and I knew exactlywhat to do/what should be happening as it was only 10 months earlier I'd successfully b/f dd1. It does happen.

Not a good OP at all - think you need to rethink this one aw. Plenty of people want to bf and don't because they struggle with lack of support, sore nipples, exhaustion etc. You have bf one child for 15 months - that's great, however, it doesn't give you the right to take the moral high ground and sneer at those who didn't - either by choice or because they struggled.

I bf for 10 months but without the support of my fantastic HV it would have been about 3 weeks! If I'd stopped at 3 weeks I would have regretted it and posts like your OP would have made me feel worse quite frankly.

I really hope it all goes swimmingly with your second baby too - but if it doesn't then I hope you remember and rue starting this thread.

Message withdrawn

YABU

I can't be arsed to read the thread - in the mood for a ruck.

My mum couldn't breastfeed. She tried desperately with both of us but it just wasn't happenin.

Listen to her say about sobbing in the bath as her milk flowed freely from her then but not when her baby latched on.

Then tell me that she was selfish and using it as an excuse.

YABU - my friend tried to breastfeed when she had her lo 7 weeks ago. Started off okay then went rapidly downhill, she was getting stressed, baby getting stressed. She gave up in the end and broke her heart over it.
Keep your narrowminded opinions to yourself alecia - unless you know someone's circumstances don't be so quick to judge.

Having spent a week breastfeeding dd1 with zydol infused blood, i thought it better to stop.

LOLOLO at colditz

provocative post and hurtful ill informed post deliberateley looking for a scrap - grow up get a life you total saddo

the ethos of MN is to support , empathise and accept differences of opinion graciously.

to the op;

that comment is really unfair.

alecia I've seen you say elsewhere that you "needed" your DS to stop bfing when you became pregnant again. You don't need to stop breastfeeding when pregnant you can breastfeed throughout pregnancy and then tandem feed. Yes, it's hard (hurts when latching on like the first weeks feeding a newborn), but so was labour, and so is raising a kid. It takes time and commitment.

So, does this mean that your saying you "needed" to stop breastfeeding is a cop out and that you are just being selfish?

It's possible that there are some women who use "I couldn't" as an excuse, but in my experience those I knew who "couldn't" either got no support at all in getting breastfeeding established or experienced a whole string of medical problems leading them to switch reluctantly to formula. Where switching partly or totally to formula was a choice they tend to be very upfront about its having been a choice.

And I don't think most of those who formula feed from choice are selfish, either -- again, possibly some are, but most parents try to make the best decisions for their family as a whole and balance all the competing factors. I do think that if breastfeeding were more normalised and there were better support then probably more women would choose to breastfeed and to continue breastfeeding, but I don't think those who don't (with possibly a couple of exceptions) are selfish.

And, as others have said, it is perfectly possible to feed one or even several DCs successfully and then have problems that prevent your feeding a subsequent DC. Perhaps they should have covered that in your "supporter" course?

eidsvold - i have re-read your post.what a well written splendid post, you have both been through such a lot are you both okay now?

aleciawalton - show some humility go back and read the threads here, and please consider very carefully the deeply personal and heartfelt things other MN are sharing with you.

i would have hated to have meet you when i had a tiny 4lb baby and struggled

yes some people do seem to give up breastfeeding for reasons that most of us know are normal and will pass. but some women do not know this. i only know any info on breastfeeding from MN and without it I probably would think that all those things mean you can't continue breastfeeding. sorry this if this is a bit hard to read i'm not a morning person.

TRIP TRAP!!!!!!!!!

My god, that is just the sort of supportive post we need on mnet, you must be really proud of yourself!

I am horrified to hear you are a breast friend, didnt they teach you ANYTHING?? As a mother who wanted to feed my DD until SHE decided it was time to stop i was DEVESTATED when i had to mix feed at about 3 months and then i only managed to feed until she was 5 months. I wanted to feed until she was at least six months, ideally more. As i do agree that breast is best. Despite a real battle to start BF i persevered, to the point that i took myself back to the birthing centre for two days and the midwives were WONDERFULL and without them i would have given up, out of desperation. My milk was slow to come through and the baby was getting jaundiced and losing too much weight. Thankfully i had a wonderful team and much support. It was quite a different story at the hospital where i had DD, no support whatsoever, conflicting advice, overworked and irritated midwives. If it was just left to them i would have given up, and i am a strong minded assertive woman. So what a vulnerable first time younger mum would have done is obvious! I finally had to give up because i was very ill and unable to eat anything and it affected my milk supply. But it was hard, for the first two weeks, DD was feeding more or less hourly at the very least, i was either feeding or expressing in order to bolster my milk supply. I think if i had toddlers to care for i would have had no choice but to give up.

I never ever felt embarrassed whopping out my boobies in public to BF and i felt that most of the looks i got were that of admiration. I did however find thse looks of smug disgust from other mothers when i bottle fed in public really hard to deal with. I wanted to scream at them, its not my fault, i tried. I really did try and looking back i am amazed that i managed for as long as i did.

As a breast friend i would have thought that they would teach you to be supportive of a mother who wants to BF but for whatever reason finds she cannot. Those reasons are different for every woman. I do think every woman should at least try, however i remember a woman at my baby group who just codlnt get on with it, her baby was miserable, she was miserable and her partner was miserable, she was made to feel even more miserable for giving up after three weeks. But after she changed to formula her baby settled and they were a contented family. Even women who dont BF by choice are making that choice based on what they feel is best for their family. Who the hell are you to stand in judgement. I think you should question whether you are a suitable BF advisor with that attitude i really do. I rmember an older midwife at the birthing centre who said to me, that it is a shame that so many women feel under such pressure, because they are made to feel like failures if they can't bf.

As for your ridiculous argument about formula, no, i doubt that 50% of the babies died, but i imagine a high proportion of them did die, also there was such things as wet nurses who would feed for women who for whatever reason were unable to do so.

Yeah - really supportive troll post!

Judge not lest ye be judged, mate.

alecia is having a shit time with her dh and I think this is her way of feeling better about herself. Well, I hope it is, anyway...

i think too many women use "i couldnt breastfeed" as an excuse too - dya know why ???????? becuase of militant people like you thats why

they feel better about saying "i couldnt" that about saying " i dont fucking want to lay off "

what a nasty smug op. are all the nutters comming on to mn. 4th crap thread I have seen. Thank god that there are some sane people on mn.