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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

There's no photo of me

116 replies

tinnedpears · 21/04/2021 14:15

My FIL has never liked me, I'm well aware of this. I don't know quite what I have done wrong, other than being a single mum when I got together with dh. Anyway, we got married, and he was civilised enough even though he was, I could tell, resentful.

Anyhooo.....

It's took me 3 years, yes 3 years, to clock that the wedding photograph displayed in their hallway was one of my dh, with his parents. I am nowhere to be seen.

They have two more children, daughters, and their photos of their weddings are displayed in large frames on the wall. Dh's is a small photo on the hall table.

AIBU to be very hurt by this? Am I reading too much into it? I haven't got a large ego which is why it took me 3 years to notice that I was nowhere to be seen.

AIBU here?

OP posts:

AffableApple · 21/04/2021 18:06

@honeylulu

My PIL had not one but two framed photos (one engagement and one wedding) up of H and his first wife, for years after they'd divorced and we'd been together. They had no kids together and the marriage had only lasted 18 months, for context. I politely asked MIL if she'd kindly take them down and she just laughed and said no. We had an official engagement pic taken and gave them a framed one and she put it up next to the one of him and ex!

She was a very difficult person and H advised not arguing about it but discreetly taking action.

When they were on holiday and we were feeding their cats H disposed of both photos leaving empty frames. In a moment of naughtiness I added a photo of my grandfather's dog to one of them. That was removed soon enough!

This is so funny! Did your PIL ever say anything about it?

Lollypop701 · 21/04/2021 18:06

Old adage of you can’t change other people, only your response to them. Do only what you want to do for you and dh,

Gensola · 21/04/2021 18:11

My MIL kept photos of DH and his ex wife up for ages after they split and when we were engaged he asked her to take them down and she refused, even though he told her they upset him because the marriage ended very acrimoniously. He then took them down and said he didn’t give permission for her to display his photo any more.
She also displays photos of only one set of grandchildren (DH’s children as it happens) and not her daughters children which is awful and has caused resentment.

Porcupineintherough · 21/04/2021 18:23

The only wedding photo in my parents house is one of me with them. Dh doesnt feature at all and they think he's wonderful. So if he doesnt like you, he doesnt like you but I think you might be overthinking this.

Frazzled2207 · 21/04/2021 18:28

They don’t sound very nice.
Bower
Fairly sure however there is no photo of either my dh or me at our in-laws house. We like each other (I think!)
My parents OTOH have pic of dh and me at our wedding fairly prominently.

Steph64 · 21/04/2021 18:36

Slightly off thread, my hateful SIL arranged a collage of family photos to display at FIL’s wake. There was a wedding photo of each child with spouse. The one she used for me and DH I’d never seen before. It was dreadful - caught me at a very odd angle with drooping jaw - I looked like a stroke victim. She must have taken it herself on the day (over 25 years ago) and squirrelled it away for this very occasion.

Sad cow.

honeylulu · 21/04/2021 18:52

@AffableApple

Yes MIL did have the good grace to laugh about it though what she said "I have no idea how that got there" strongly implied that she knew I'd got my own way but she wasn't going to openly admit it! I was slightly offended she binned the photo of lovely Benji the dog though - he was gorgeous! 😂

LadyOfTheRingsS · 21/04/2021 19:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mistressinthetulips · 21/04/2021 19:22

@LadyOfTheRingsS you need to copy and paste all that into your own thread

StoneofDestiny · 21/04/2021 19:57

When is their anniversary op? Huge canvas of you and dh!!

This

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 22/04/2021 00:27

Ha. While I wouldn't waste money doing more photos for them, if you send them Christmas cards, I'd make them a special Christmas card with a pic of you and DH on the front (and your DD too). Easily enough done if you have a colour printer at home, so not expensive! And do that for every card you send them.

IrishCharm · 22/04/2021 01:27

I know this isn't much help to you op but I'm now wondering if my in laws have a photo of me with hubby??? I know they do of their other son and his partner and photos of hubby and brother, our sons etc - if they haven't I think I'd be hurt, but we do get along even though we live in different countries.
So although you've opened a can of worms for me (nice pic of me in the post to them next occasion I think ) I don't think yabu to be hurt by it whether the fil likes you or not - he could at least show some respect to his sons wife!

Monty27 · 22/04/2021 01:41

OP they must be just nasty people.
Breathe well. I wouldn't want to be displayed on the wall like I was part of their family.
Your DH could ask them to take his photo down. It's not a wedding photo without you both in it if they can't accept his choice they aren't quite accepting him either. 🤨

nzeire · 22/04/2021 01:44

Put googley eyes on him

Suzi888 · 22/04/2021 01:49

It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest, but I hate photos anyway. I couldn’t bothered with “forced gifted photos” if they truly dislike you it’ll only go up when you visit.

SelkieIntegrated · 22/04/2021 17:04

Do you have aphoto of him in yr house!?

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