Nicknames for the neighbours

[FrankButchersDickieBow]

Are we being unreasonable for not knowing our neighbours real names and have nicknames for them instead?

We have Mr P - Mr perfect, you know the type, wears his charity t-shirt going for his jog, reels his washing line in when the clothes are dried, wears tartan for golfing etc.

Onslo and Daisy, argue on the street, loves a velor tracksuit,

The horse whisperer - walks bandy legged, obsessed with horses, has it on their letterbox

The Young Ones - only young couple who live in the street and always have people round

The Exhibitionist-loves to get out the shower and trot round naked in his room after a shower

Batty old art teacher - curly hair, does yoga, smokes weed

Shagarada - heard her shagging one night whilst we were in the garden, she had her windows open.

My name, is Michael Caine, and I am a nosey neighbour

Anyone else use nicknames?

The Clampetts obviously get around. We had them living in a rented house at the top of our road. When they moved out the decorators had to work on the house for a week.

Sat Mano er the back.
Has three satellite dishes, one of which is ginormous. No idea what he’s watching or keeping an eye on, but he likes to take them down and reposition them everynow and again. His back wall is full of holes 😂

We know the names of our direct neighbours but the others are;
Tash - has moustache
Water woman - brought us bottles of water when she had a new boiler fitter as they shut the water off for the streets
Apple tree man - offers everyone apples from their tree
Bananas in pyjamas - always slobbing about in pjs
Bin slobs - always have a full bin and leave it out on the road complete with extra bin bags that never get taken by bin.men. always dirty nappies on their lawn.
Bush residence - never cuts their hedge and it now reached their upstairs windows
Dick and Dom - family who live in a bungalow but you only ever see the dad and son tinkering with their cars, usually at quiet times of day really noisily

Yes!

Cuntybollocks and Mrs cuntybollocks next door (sometimes John and Yoko if they're murdering a duet on the piano)

Angry Dad
Smug twats
Nice lady opposite
Annoying sporty family
Hopeful ice cream man (literally out in ANY WEATHER)
Shit Van man (how it keeps passing it's MOT God only knows)

Fuck knows what they call me and DH though!

We have:

The Wanker (pompous annoying neighbour)
Two Men and a Baby (married couple, very nice, replaced The Nonce who formerly lived in that house)
Huge Boobs (obvious really)
Odd Job (HB's teenage son who is always offering to wash cars/ paint fences for a bit of cash)
Jasper's Dad (Jasper is the cat, no idea of owners name)
Jacob Rees Mogg (nice chap, unfortunate likeness)
Bin Jumper (likes to squash his recycling down to get more in).

I wonder what they call us?

Also names for the Tesco delivery people:

Posh But Smelly
Name Dropper (tells us all about his celebrity deliveries)
Boy Band Reject
Hungry Eyes (looks longingly at whatever we're cooking - this is pre covid times when they used to come in the kitchen)
East 17 (Brian Harvey lookalike)
Miss Trunchball
The Silent Adonis (my own personal favourite).

We're in a small close so refer to most by name.

Others are:

Two doors up and their young son [name] (who's 28 )
Our next door neighbours who are referred to as a contraction of both their names.
Her opposite and the kid (her 5 year old son).

Overlooking us at the back there's the menacing vaper, and nudey man (two different households).

Heaven only knows what they call us

Omg no! Now wondering what we get called .

We know everyone's name in our street tbf. We do see a runner a lot who looks like Jesus, so we (inventively) call him "runner Jesus".

I know most of our immediate neighbours names because I'm a nosey friendly bugger but we do have Mr Annie (opposite) and Mrs Ben (few doors down) cos I can never remember their names.
Unknown neighbours are

• Mr and Mrs Fence cos they put up a fancy new fence without taking their old one down.
• Mr and Mrs British Gas and the Gaslets cos he works for BG and often has his work van outside the house
• Motorbike man and motorbike son cos they roar their motorbikes at an ungodly hour of the morning

In the past we've had the loud shaggers, the garden pissers and the football men all for pretty obvious reasons.

Nigel Mansell - based on his driving style (actually another neighbour christened him this as he nearly hit her children and it stuck)
Fatty Bum Bum - lad in tracky-bottoms
The cider drinkers - keep deck chairs out the front so they can enjoy a bottle or two of cider on a sunny day (actually ok people)
Annoying micro-scooter yob a few streets away

We mainly name people/families after their pets, but if we don't know the dogs name then we make one up

Mr woofles gang (very barky/reactive old German shephard who lots of people are scared of but who's a big softie really)

Bobcats servants

The Next family because they seem to go shopping 3 or 4 times a day and always come back with next carrier bags, not always reused. Turns out the mum works for next and we now know their names, but they are still the next family

The neddy family - lovely but are quite neddy lol

Jag man and jag man's Mrs

Sparky - electrician who has anything but a sparkling personality

Witness protection family - fairly sure they aren't, but they do act like they might be

Nice but dim on one side
Persian secret service on the other
Forensics man and grumpy bastard who hates us across the road
Few doors down, mad Hazel, bandy legs and the moody gardener.

I have no inclination to know what they call us!

We've got:
Wiggy (dreadful wig)
The Chuckle Brother and Aunt Babe (lookalikes)
Nice Polish man
Him on the corner

@Clydie89 I've not heard 'neddy' before - I expect it's a regional thing - what does it mean? Is it a nicer way of saying 'chavvy'?

Recent additions are
South fork (you have to be a certain age) who live uphill and have terraced their entire garden with plastic decking sweeping down to tables and chairs and 2 massive motor homes. Obs need search lights to stop it being nicked.
In our old house we had Ugly Naked Guy (friends). Who spent his entire life in the small front garden, in his small drive or in the garage in a small pair of white shorts. He was large, chubby and covered in hair!

We've got

Fishy Dave (often seen loading fishing gear in his car)
Launderette Woman (works in the launderette, imaginative)
NDNs are The Innumerables because we can never work out how many people live there - anything from 4 to about 12
A previous NDN was known as 'Bloody Rubbish' because that was what he shouted non-stop at the TV when watching football

@ViciousJackdaw a Ned is sort of the Scottish version of a chav, it stands for non educated delinquent

Yes! We have:

Walking John - He has a car but just walks everywhere and often just round the block!

Pug Face - Probably a bit mean but she is the most miserable woman you will ever meet and looks exactly like her two pugs!

Claude - I don't think that's his name but he is french and I feel like we have known him for too long to ask his name!

Cycling Dave - Two neighbours called Dave so therefore we have Dave and cycling Dave!

Bonfire twat man - the neighbour we all hate, they moved in last year and have had bonfire after bonfire in their garden. It's awful especially on a lovely sunny day 😡

We have -

Sarah’s mum
Grumpy man
Caravan man
Leather trousers
Nice man

Not very imaginative are we

We are all on first name terms, so no.
However one of the houses that was infill DOES have a nick name. Lets say it's called Wishing Well Cottage because when they bought the garden plot there was a wishing well on it. However the wishing well was only there to cover up the remains of what originally was the outside privy which was located to the side of the house and this drained into the ditch when it was a country cottage with no mains sanitation. It's known locally as 'Bog Cottage' . When the plot was up for sale prior to the new house being built people really were wondering who would want to put a house where there had been an open sewer for centuries that ran into a ditch, before it got knocked down prettified to part of the garden and a brick built wishing well feature plonked on top in the 1970s, and somehow 'Bog Cottage' got stuck as it's name locally. Not sure the new owners are aware but certainly the people that built it were!

We have Shouty (screams at her kids and dogs all day), nosey, hot tub time machine/ the burners (hot tub and bonfires) and ASBO ( just a massive douche who forces women and children to walk on the road so he doesn't have to move and shouts at the teachers at school)
They are a delightful bunch

BaldyMcUgly. Let's his dog wander free to shit on our drive and his feral children run free dawn till dusk.

What an amazing thread.

Ironside
Labour Two Doors Down
Mr CCTV
Scratty Fucking Julie

We used to have a neighbour we referred to as "Buster's Dad". We didn't know his name but his dog was called Buster. We found out his real name shortly before moving out but "Buster's Dad" was far too ingrained by then.

Next to him was the guy we only ever referred to as "Noisy Bastard" for fairly obvious reasons.

I forgot Brazilian Annette.

She's not Brazilian. She's Irish. But once a year the week before her holiday she asks on the local Facebook page for waxing recommendations.