Nicknames for the neighbours

[FrankButchersDickieBow]

Are we being unreasonable for not knowing our neighbours real names and have nicknames for them instead?

We have Mr P - Mr perfect, you know the type, wears his charity t-shirt going for his jog, reels his washing line in when the clothes are dried, wears tartan for golfing etc.

Onslo and Daisy, argue on the street, loves a velor tracksuit,

The horse whisperer - walks bandy legged, obsessed with horses, has it on their letterbox

The Young Ones - only young couple who live in the street and always have people round

The Exhibitionist-loves to get out the shower and trot round naked in his room after a shower

Batty old art teacher - curly hair, does yoga, smokes weed

Shagarada - heard her shagging one night whilst we were in the garden, she had her windows open.

My name, is Michael Caine, and I am a nosey neighbour

Anyone else use nicknames?

@MrsEricBana

We don't but the man opposite once let slip that he and his wife have really unkind nicknames for everyone. He didn't say what they call us and I dread to think.

They're probably posting on this thread. Lots of the names are harmless, but some of them are a lot less funny than the posters seem to think - you can really tell which ones were the mean kids at school.

In-laws live opposite the van twat family.
Terrace street and they own 2 vans and a car.
Woe betide anyone who parks remotely close to their house as Mr van twat will park within a cm of them to block them in and refuse to move as he thinks he owns the street outside his house and at least 2 others on either side.

The dog walkers (they walk their dog's every hour on the hour)
The couple that hate each other
So-and-so's parents in law - I went to school with their DIL. We don't know their real names as they don't it them on the Christmas card
Drunk lollipop man
Social distancing couple (they always walk a distance apart even though they live together)

@PollyThePony

Omg no! Now wondering what we get called .

We know everyone's name in our street tbf. We do see a runner a lot who looks like Jesus, so we (inventively) call him "runner Jesus".

You've reminded me of Upstairs Jesus who lived in the flat above us and had a long hair and beard and wore sandals.

We have:
The newly weds (first called when we all moved into our new estate... 12 years ago but we still call them that!

The Flanders (as they are al v v nice and Christian family with 2 boys - they put up notices at Halloween about this)

The shouty family (although to be fair that is probably us as well

Love this!!! We've had many over the years...
The Toad-she actually looked like a toad
Slagbag- total slapper
Slap face - always had bright red cheeks like she'd been slapped consistently by her husband who we called ....
Cardboard Kev- he policed the recycling bins to such an extent he took photos of any contraband to our letting agency. It later transpired they were the actual landlords of the flat we were living in at the time...we moved shortly after that revelation coz they lived downstairs.
Pablo-as in Escobar. Mooches about in his garage during the night with a torch, we are sure he is growing stuff
And the worst one which I have to make sure I NEVER repeat in public is Paedo Kennedy- as in the teacher off the inbetweeners. Name given after being charged with various offences for shagging their students eeekers!

Ah and we have a Princess too- early 20s house is like a palace, clicks her fingers and it's done.
I dread to think what they call us

We had “Witness Relocation Programme” because they were so unfriendly we decided they had to keep their identities secret and even saying hello might reveal too much!

We have “Errrrrrrr.......John?” because when he first moved in I introduced myself and he paused a really long time before replying. Not convinced the name he gave is really his name.

Also “the fuckwits from two doors down” nuff said.

Don’t know the names on one side and the other lady is referred to as BarbaraMargaret as we can’t remember which one it is!

@LadyFidgetAndHerHandbag, ours has long hair and beard, wears running gear (naturally) and is very smiley and friendly. If there was a real runner Jesus, this guy would definitely be it!

Yes we have

2 piece (always got a 2 piece outfit on).

Scabies (horrible woman who wouldn't admit she had it and spread it around the classroom so our kids then picked it up, was a nightmare)

Popeye
(Angry Russian Man on steroids throttled our neighbour)

Asbestos (Lady next door always kicking off for asbestos in her flat) (it's not, and she's been told it. but still angry about it and can't accept it's not)

Fag ash lil
Lovely lady but always has a fag on.

KDog
Stoner guy always scooting around.

Jacket
Lovely guy again but has a coat on even in middle of summer.

Can't remember any more?!

Apart from the ones who’s names we know - we have

The Bin Police (self explanatory)

Carlton man (had a vauxhall Carlton that caught fire outside and now he has another one)

Mercedes twat (has a Merc and drives into the close like it’s an F1 race)

Lovely weather (little old lady on the corner who even if it was torrential rain would still say ‘lovely weather isn’t it’

We have ‘the bitch’ Nextdoor who has slept her way around the married men in the village. The other side is Mr Weirdo who has such a rigid schedule we notice when he does something different. He pumps up his car tyres at 8.30 every Sat morning with a foot pump. Deuces his car every morning even though he only goes out twice a week. Cuts his lawn edges using a small pair of scissors.
Down the road are the all lady couple with those effing dogs ( they never stop barking, but the owners constantly shout at them so it’s no wonder). Next to them is ‘the cougar’ a rather glamorous divorcee.
I dread to think what they call us.

De-ices

The Aerosol Arsehole - always puts old aerosol cans on a bonfire, which then explode and make me jump.

Not a human neighbour. Our old neighbours had a very large unfriendly tomcat that would parade along the top of the fence and stare in our window. He was Mr. BigKnackers.

We used to have topless Dave and quarryman Dave. They were both actually called Dave so we needed to distinguish between the two. Topless always came out of the back door to the bin with no shirt on - whatever the weather. Quarryman did in fact work in a quarry. They've both moved now and in fairness we know the names of most of our neighbours so don't need nicknames for them.

Anna with the three kids
Anna with the contraceptive implant
(Confusingly Anna2 then had the implant out and had a third child, but we’ve stuck with it)
The ice cream fucker
Thingy with the front garden
Vintage Merc people
Daisy McFarlane’s (“Daisy” is the dog, but all humans in the house now get referred to by association)
That house we viewed

DH has also renamed the local schools and a couple of the streets in bungled misrememberings, those have stuck too.

This is hilarious, and yes we do it too.

In our last flat we had the Shitweasels downstairs because they kept aggressively complaining we were making loads of noise all day from home renovations, and doing weights at home and dropping them on the floor (we were not even remotely doing either of those things, were out all day at work, and wouldn't listen to us saying that sound travelled in quite an odd way in the building and it wasn't from our flat that they were hearing things), and we had the Ploppers upstairs as you could set your watch by their morning toilet activity ....

In our new flat we have christened our new downstairs neighbours the Shitweasels as they were breaking lockdown the whole time with friends round all the time.

We have

The Footballer
The Screamers
The Ferals
Pervy Mark

We have Botox , as she has a face full of it

The Old Dear next-door
The traveller family
Archie who might be Arthur.
Dog lady.
JaydenCaydenBrodyCody(Their 4 boys are called those names, we say them as one name... because they do when they holler for them of an evening...I am quite excited to find out what the baby girl is called, haven't bumped into her yet to ask)

We have

Mrs Peepy - she peeps
Arsehole downstairs - our only neighbour in the building, we are not in good relations
Father Christmas
Dog woman
Cat lady by the bus-stop
Mrs gossip
The bomber - went to prison for setting off a hand-grenade in a local cafe
Vegetable man - sells vegetables on a nearby wall

Mine seem a bit boring in comparison! We live in a small block of flats.

We have "nice dog couple" next door. They are nice and have a dog

Dog-shit-beefcake man downstairs & dog-shit-scary-wife. He is built like a brick shithouse and she never smiles and looks a bit scary. He is actually very nice, but they let their dog shit all over their paved back yard and juet leave it before they jet wash it al the weekend. It's gross.

Nice big guy downstairs. I know his name but DH never remembers it, so I end up referring to him as "the nice big guy who has taken in parcels for us when we moved in".

Annoying couple downstairs. They are always doing DIY and have a very loud Irish friend who used to come over during lockdown last year and talk through their windows loudly so that we could hear every word.

And camp chest puff guy across the road. He is camp with a big belly and walks around with his chest puffed out.

I think we need to get a bit more inventive.

These are fantastic

We live in a town house and have some pretty good views of the street....

We have Mr and Mrs "yip" next-door because of the near constant high pitched noise their lassie dogs make. Mrs Yip makes a similar noise herself.

The other side my partner has named Nelly - like the elephant because of the tramping up and down the stairs all day.

Opposite we have Smokey Jo - always out the front smoking and chucking her fag butts in the street.

The Earth's- young family always off on an adventure.

Next to the Earths we have the Moons- seem like a nice enough retired couple. Only got their name from being Earth's neighbours.

We also have the "Fits" young couple with a baby - always out jogging, cycling, walking with top of the range sports gear/pram.

Then there are the Chavs - always going on small trips in the car late evening. Always give dirty looks, love their bling and old orange convertible. Their car scrapes down the drive way everytime and more recently is bump started and pushed down the street most days.

God only knows what they call us!

Mr Bloom as he potters with a stupid hat on