Nicknames for the neighbours

[FrankButchersDickieBow]

Are we being unreasonable for not knowing our neighbours real names and have nicknames for them instead?

We have Mr P - Mr perfect, you know the type, wears his charity t-shirt going for his jog, reels his washing line in when the clothes are dried, wears tartan for golfing etc.

Onslo and Daisy, argue on the street, loves a velor tracksuit,

The horse whisperer - walks bandy legged, obsessed with horses, has it on their letterbox

The Young Ones - only young couple who live in the street and always have people round

The Exhibitionist-loves to get out the shower and trot round naked in his room after a shower

Batty old art teacher - curly hair, does yoga, smokes weed

Shagarada - heard her shagging one night whilst we were in the garden, she had her windows open.

My name, is Michael Caine, and I am a nosey neighbour

Anyone else use nicknames?

The spud-u-likes. All have the same scraped back hair style on potato shaped faces and universally disliked for their lack of basic courtesy and manners.

I know all the neighbours names in our 35 apartment block and the ones in the houses over the road. My OH is crap with names and can’t remember any of them so he has names for them
Nanook of the north
Mrs Posh Paws
9 point turn
Knb Head
Dck Head
Mummy’s Boy & Mummy (she’s about 90 & he’s in his 60’s
Takeaway

We have Twat and Twatty next door but have since renamed them to Knob and Knobette as they have progressively got worse over the years. Opposite is Mr Thai Bride who chats to all the neighbours about all things Thai but his Thai wife stays indoors. I have seen her only twice in 3 years. His real name is Geoffrey At the end of the road is Fatty Arbuckle .. you can hear her thighs rubbing before you see her. My husband calls her The Hairy Yak which is just as cruel. Our old neighbours who have since moved, told us they named our house Purple Haze (teenage son in loft room 😂) Back of garden we have Popcorn Head as her white puffy hair suggests. Used to have a retired head teacher next door on other side who would tuck her long skirt into her bloomers when gardening at the back ... forever referred to as Granny Pants ... and then there is Beryl, her real name coz she’s 90 plus a d just lovely

Loving these names!! Ours are;
Richie Rich
Mr & Mrs Posh
George & Mildred
Arseholes

Our neighbours built a porch, driveway and stairway made of small red bricks. In total contrast to their own house and all the others in the small street. I call them the three little pigs.

We live in a house with a smallish garden, but it backs onto a road with much bigger gardens. The three gardens we can see into are each owned by men aged around 70 who all spend a lot of time gardening. They are Boomer A, Boomer B and Boomer C.

We have Birdseye (as in Captain Birdseye) and his wife Red Riding Hood, named so because of her red hooded anorak (original), Dog Lady (because obviously she has dogs and we never caught her name and now it feels weird to ask) and Jilldor, named because her name is Jill and she resembles a little creature called Gwilldor that was in He Man Master of The Universe. We really dislike her by the way, Jilldor is a bitch.

We had Pepsi and Shirley at no. 2 but one died last summer and we haven’t decided which yet.

Jail Bait is the very young (early twenties but I was at least 30 when he was born) has just moved in. Obs DH doesn’t know that nickname.

Terry the Tout just loves to moan about my (very well behaved) teens.

Walking woman replaced the original walking woman (we assumed replaced due to death - she was about 80, 25 years ago). No matter where in the town I drive, I see walking woman. Walking.

Maserati Man now revs past in a Honda - our neighbourhood was never a Maserati type of area. We don’t tolerate pretentiousness.

The ninjas aren’t neighbours but they jump out of their van at 8am on facing neighbour’s garden, mow, weed and trim in record breaking time before they disappear back into the back of the white van within what seems like minutes.

Creeping Jesus
Crispy pancakes
Little princess and Captain Turbot
The chavs
Mad woman
The simpletons

My DH and I used to chat with a neighbour who lived round the corner from us. DH's nickname for him was Beady Eyes. He did have rather strange eyes.

One day the poor man dropped dead and fell over the fence into our next door neighbours' front garden. The ambulance and police were called, of course, and various neighbours gathered in the street. Turned out that I was the only one who knew anything about him. (DH wasn't there.) When the police arrived, they wanted to know his name. Everyone looked at me but all I could think was "Beady Eyes." I stared at the police like an idiot untilI I finally managed to dredge up his name.

Yep I have:
Mrs witch and Mr witch - lovely people but Mrs Witch cackles when she laughs and its so loud and creepy 😂
Mr and Mrs plod - again lovely people they enjoy plodding about in the garden
And to the back of us.... The chavvy twat - plays his shitty hipster music and hacks up greenies all over his garden which I can hear from the top of my huge garden 🤢 and starts talking loudly/shouting about how he's been fucked over by various people/things whenever he has his equally chavvy twatty mates over.
Oh and next door to him is the motorbike guy who loves to rev his bike at stupid o clock at night under the guise of fixing it

I have The Germans(daughter called them that after hearing them speak in Hungarian ).
Lying Budda because she's extremely round but square shaped(odd description but fits) and is the gossip of the street that lies for effect.
Screaming gob and cackling devil.. Same person but has the loudest voice I've heard when shouting or laughing

The wooden tops cos inside their house is all wood. The dipsticks cos they are a bit vacant. The Clampets for similarity toBeverley Hill Billies. The miserable woman who isn’t miserable for a nice woman who always looked miserable before we got to know her.

My grandad used to call the lady across the street toffee bum. Due to her bum according to him looking like it was chewing a toffee when she walked
One guy across the road was known as car wash . He cleaned his car daily after work.
The bald guy next door was affectingly called peanut . Due to his bald head resembling a peanut

We refer to the house over the road as ' franks house'

Frank is the cat

We have The Racist next door but one on one side, ( I've looked at his FB page!), and The Clampets next door but one on the other side. They moved in 6 years ago and he immediately started building random shabby structures in the garden, and house inside looks like a building site. The Mrs is lovely, and he's useful for borrowing tools from, to tho!

We have:

Taps aff - the guy across the road who never wears a top and is always bare chested. Sun or shine he’s topless and in shorts.

Laundry woman - she’s always hanging out her washing and it’s everywhere - on washing lines, airing racks and on the garden fence. I’m sure she re-washes clean things just to have something to wash. There’s only two of them in the house so no way they go through that much stuff.

Mr moron- because he is.

The grumpy man - because again he is.

Slacks - young guy in his 20’s and he only ever wears beige slacks. Has the charisma of a slug.

Party house - full disco light and karaoke set up every weekend.

I wonder what they neighbours call us?

We have:-

Fit family - used to run a lot

Football team family - lots of children, all boys

Carling man - always has a can in his hand

The young family - youngest on road

Teletubbies - four of them, all round, varying heights

Cat girl - has three cats

Toy farmer - smallholder, likes to think he's nearly a farmer

Victor Meldrew - grumpy man, always complaining

Psycho - confrontational man

Yes!! But not here though as we know their names.. but at my mums we had Greek family and tye dad was always lighting fires so we called him Pyros Maniacos (pyromaniac)

And at our old flat next door we had MoonPig

🤭

In our block we have

Face o’ Thunder
The Stompers

We love giving our neighbours nicknames (mainly the ones we don't like.) In our old house we had:

The Duckworths (stone-clad house)
Brawling Brenda (rough as you like, her son started a fight in the middle of the road and smashed people's windows)
Mrs. Nosey Bungalow (as described)
Mr. Volts (an electrician)
Mrs. Spartacus (had a window sticker that said I Am Spartacus for no apparent reason)
Ponytail Pete

Current house:
Nice John in the corner
Michael Carroll (looks like the Lotto Lout)
The Invisible Man (rarely seen, lives by himself in a three bed house, never any visitors)

Can't wait to name our new neighbours when we move!

Peleton cos he has a Peleton and we can see him from our flat into his.

When I was at uni I stayed in halls and across the road was Ugly Naked Guy: East London edition! He used to sit in his window in his flat that faced our block. We thought it was hilarious.

We tend to name the local pets as well. We have:
Mr Barkingson (black lab next door)
Colin the cat down the road (name tag claims he's called Scarlett but we know better)
Lucifer (evil black cat always after the fat wood pigeons)
Sandy the wood pigeon

Then the human neighbours include:
Drama Queen - has major parking issues
DIY SOS - completely renovating his house
Horace Wimp - has an overbearing miserable wife
Billy Bounce - kid next door always on the trampoline
Best Man - no trouble whatsoever
Hate to think what we are!

Oh there are obviously next door and the ones with tree trunk legs. They are our direct neighbours.

Then there is across the road Gods Gift (middle aged man- divoced with kids visiting, also has ever changing partners) , then Perfect Family (both have expensive cars & only one child) further along we have Twat Face ( just twatty and always complaining) and Mr Interrogation (he always wants to know everyone's business and how they can afford it).
That's about it.

The jogger.
The chinese ppl, who arent chinese bt always cook it by the smell.
The nobodys. They speak to no one and we know nothing about them despite living across from them and having kids the same age.
Steve. Cos he looks like someone we know called Steve.
The large woman. As someone once referred to her ....