Nicknames for the neighbours

[FrankButchersDickieBow]

Are we being unreasonable for not knowing our neighbours real names and have nicknames for them instead?

We have Mr P - Mr perfect, you know the type, wears his charity t-shirt going for his jog, reels his washing line in when the clothes are dried, wears tartan for golfing etc.

Onslo and Daisy, argue on the street, loves a velor tracksuit,

The horse whisperer - walks bandy legged, obsessed with horses, has it on their letterbox

The Young Ones - only young couple who live in the street and always have people round

The Exhibitionist-loves to get out the shower and trot round naked in his room after a shower

Batty old art teacher - curly hair, does yoga, smokes weed

Shagarada - heard her shagging one night whilst we were in the garden, she had her windows open.

My name, is Michael Caine, and I am a nosey neighbour

Anyone else use nicknames?

@RBKB That's hilarious!! Totally something our stevealert would do. Are you the new ones next door? I seem to bump in to our stevealert quite a lot. I've hid behind many an isle in the local coop to avoid having to hear another of his "you'll like this one" sexist, very unfunny jokes.

DH usually rescues me if I get caught by stevealert when getting out of the car, but not until I've heard at least 3 jokes. If it happens while DH is at work, he will call out through the video doorbell asking if I need any help to get away, in full earshot of Stevealert, who takes no notice at all....

Only one nickname - TIm nice but dim opposite! I used to live next door to Mr Shout, Mrs Shout, Baby Shout and Dog Shout.

We have

Fucking wanker

Shit for brains

Twatty dogs

Cunt car

Fat drunk

Great thread! Reminds me of a couple from my old neighbourhood who we called the Perfect People (perfect house, lawn, baby, dog). Come to find out they had a pantyhose fetish porn site with photos of perfect wife in pantyhose (all quite graphic). They then became the Pantyhose People.

We have The Chavs, Morticia, Mrs Sweeper 🤭

We have the numptys next door, or half a job bob if just referring to the male. Bloody hard work opposite as this is what she kept saying on the day she was pissed and invited herself into our house and garden years ago. The rest we know by name apart from one family who we refer to as cats names mum and dad.

I forgot a couple of mine... the Matthews family (as in Shannon, because they remind me of them 😬) and Ravi Shankar - middle-aged Indian chap with a grey manbun who’s always in his side return smoking. I also used to refer to the young lads across the road as the prison yard boys, as they spent a lot of time working out shirtless in their yard last summer when the gyms were still shut.

Loving these. We have:

The Flintstones - because they look like them
AmDram Pam - she is in the local drama group
George & Mildred - old couple, very nice
The Twankeys - own a launderette
The Joneses - Not actually called Jones, but they are the trendsetters. They always have the latest styles of everything, from blinds to garden pots. The Joneses are often copied by
The Wannabes - they want to be the Joneses but can’t keep up with spending, so get the budget version. Must annoy the Joneses.
Shed 7 - family of 7 who have a huge shed they have converted into a playhouse.

Don’t want to know my nickname!

Shed 7 is a fantastic name!

I am also laughing at Shed 7
My parents live nextdoor to a guy who is a total dick, and is helpfully actually called Dick.

Serial killer - he cleaned his car out every week during lockdown 1 when no one was going anywhere, clearly getting rid of any DNA

Not for neighbours but for dog walkers I see a lot but dont really get to talk to. Mostly nice except for Mr and Mrs Fuckwit who let their out of control dogs off the lead to run riot and terrorize other dogs, and are too important to walk single file so they can keep their distance walking past you. Turns out it is not just me who doesnt like them.

Can I just ask- if you do call your neighbours by nicknames and you have done for so many years- please make sure your children are in on the joke and know that these are nicknames and not real names.

My parents grew up calling the man accross the road Sid and his wife Sidetta after some character that was popular in their age... In hindsight I was stupid to believe that these were their real names.

There was an incident where I went and knocked on said neighbours door. Sidetta answers and I asked if Sid was home (I needed help with my car and my parents weren't around). Sidetta looked at me gone out and asked who Sid was. I looked at her equally gone out- thinking she was suffering some sort of dementia- and told her that Sid was her husband. I found out later that her husbands name was actually John.
My parents thought this whole thing was hilarious. I was very embarrassed and will never forget

Yeah snap

Walking man - walks everywhere in shorts even in winter.
Weird dog man - walks his dog and stares into everyone’s windows. If you bump into him you will be told he used to do something unbelievable.
Road Walker - lady who walks in road not caring about cars.
Drunk Dave - guy who stumbles around like he is on way back from pub whenever you see him.
The twits - odd family reminiscent of the Twits as unsure they know what a shower is.
Mr rose tinted glasses - thinks he is good at everything, offers helps but occasionally doesn’t have a clue. Says his wife needs to lose weight openly but she’s tiny and he is no gym goer.

Going back to my childhood - one of my dad's names for a neighbour:

'Knock-Three-Times-and-Ask-for-Sadie'

She had a lot of 'cousins' visiting her, but, strangely, no female cousins.

Our NDNs we call Pigwitch and FatBoyGrim.

Yes, yes, yes! We had puff who always smokes out the front, BMW man, Aygo girl, and tall man!

We have:

Bad Dad -single guy who has his kids at weekends, he's probably not a bad dad at all but he sometimes sits on his front steps looking overwhelmed with three kids in a two-bedroom terrace,

Laundry Lass - pegs out clothes in her front garden every day that it isn't raining and who always does perfectly matched loads (all pink, all grey, all white, etc),

Naked Nellie- self explanatory,

The Outstanding Neighbour- he is out standing in his front garden on the phone or staring at nothing for hours per day,

Crazy Cones- mentally ill woman who puts cones on the street ten feet in front of and behind her car and screams abuse at anyone she catches getting too close to them. They get confiscated by the council every once in a while and she just gets more.

The Selfish Fucking Cunts- the ones we share a wall with, who have had house parties of 10+ people unceasingly while the rest of us didn't get to see our families and friends in person for months. They have terrible taste in music and just shriek and stomp constantly. Our bedroom is on the other side of the house and with these thick old Georgian walls we can drown them out with a fan so we sleep OK but I still hate them so much.

Dread to think what our nicknames are!
We’ve got Jeremy Clarckson, Su Bo, Churchy and her family are just churchy’s family, Pilsbury Dough boy and his lady Miss Piggy, Uncle Gerry ( purely cause he sounds like my Uncle Gerry, the spacehopper who’s physique strongly resembles one but is always bragging about his triathlons: mega fit activities, Golf man and lady, Gareth Bale (who is actually a woman) Dora the explorer, Robert Lyndsey ( doppelgänger of the actor), the horses owner ( the horse was a giant dog who died years ago but she still retains the name) and finally Nosey Bonk who is always out nebbing around at everything.

Baldy and blondie
Dealer (+ wife of dealer, child of dealer etc)
Asymmetrical hair woman
Tiny granny

@CockneyCutie - we have a dodgy parker as well! She often scrapes other peoples' cars in the road (then tries to deny it despite leaving paint marks from her car on theirs and having loads of dints). DH calls her "Advanced Driver" which isn't hugely funny but has definitely stuck...

I have a nickname for one particular knobhead neighbour.

I call her Waynetta.

Mainly because she’s a dirty, big mouthed chav who shags anything with a pulse (even underage boys) and should really have been evicted and locked up a long time ago.

Thinking about it, Waynetta is quite a polite nickname for her really

Mr Grumpy. But he's had a normal name since he got a dog in the last few months and now walks around wreathed in smiles and talking to everyone. We had been here three and a half years and he hadn't even looked at us previously. All he wanted was a puppy!

bleachy, shades, whinger, lady laugh [a bloke] and helen of croydon [the face that launched a 1000 dredgers, the rhubarbs, mrs there are no rats in my garden and the vampire slayer.

also door handle senior [he's a knob] door handle junior [knob] and door handle [knob] sadly i'm related to them though marriage the arsehole trinity.
i'm known as the bitch [and i love it, it winds then up no end]