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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Birthday gift, am I being stupid to feel this way.

95 replies

Mammabearto3 · 20/04/2021 06:03

Today is my birthday. I asked for a simple gold ring nothing to over the top or expensive and sent link to DH the ring on sale with size.

This morning I opened my gift a ring box to find a ring similar to the one I asked for, DH went on about not being able too find the one I wanted and the other one not being up to DH standard's that's why he picked this one, I said that's fine I put it on. When I went to wash my hand's I noticed it was engraved I said this to DH. He brought the ring 2nd hand of a random person online. it once belonged to someone who passed away in their family and it's their wedding ring. I feel every uncomfortable wearing someone who has died wedding ring with out knowing them.

I feel it should be with someone in their family not sold to a random person on line. am I being stupid?

OP posts:
MysteriousMonkey · 20/04/2021 06:05

Not sure I would like that either... I have no problem with second hand but that it's engraved seems really personal. I suppose he can't return it though so I don't know what you do about it Sad

Cadent · 20/04/2021 06:06

YANBU, why didn't he just buy the one you linked?

I would give it back to him and get him a shit gift for his birthday.

Cadent · 20/04/2021 06:07

And buy the ring you want straightaway!

ilovepuppies2019 · 20/04/2021 06:08

Oh I wouldn't like it if it was engraved. That's very personal. Who has an engraving in a ring they they didn't out there? Too odd for me OP! I bet it's high quality though on the upside.

Original poster
Mammabearto3 · 20/04/2021 06:13

Thank you for the replies,
@Cadent LOL DH birthday was a few week's ago and he brought himself stupidly expensive (what I consider stupidly expensive anyways) computer part's as he play's computer game's.

OP posts:
Mayra1367 · 20/04/2021 06:16

I’d also be uncomfortable with the ring plus a tad annoyed that he didn’t get what I suggested.

DDIJ · 20/04/2021 06:19

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

WaltzingBetty · 20/04/2021 06:20

I think there are a couple of issues here.

  1. He totally disregarded your wishes and decided he knew what you wanted better than you did
  2. He's clearly a cheap skate and bought you a second hand wedding ring rather than the ring you wanted
  3. He clearly has no issues splashing the cash for himself. If just you that isn't worth spending money on.

I'd honestly tell him that the ring makes you uncomfortable and is not what you asked for

beginningoftheend · 20/04/2021 06:21

Yanbu.

I think you should say you're not comfortable wearing it and buy yourself the one you wanted.

WaltzingBetty · 20/04/2021 06:22

Though if you do that I expect he'll have a big strop/sulk about how 'ungrateful' you are for not loving the cheapskate ring engraved for someone else that you didn't ask for - am I right?

Isn't your fear of his tantrum if you express disappointment the reason you're anxious about this?

SunIsComing · 20/04/2021 06:23

What a selfish tight fisted git. I wouldn’t want to wear it. Buy yourself the one you want.

MakingPlans21 · 20/04/2021 06:23

Tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable and ask for the ring you want once again as your birthday gift.

YANBU

Mincepiesallyearround · 20/04/2021 06:26

That would be upsetting. Can you take it to a jewellers and see if they can remove the engraving, or melt it down and remake it into another ring?

Shelddd · 20/04/2021 06:28

Yeah that's weird. I think second hand jewelry is fine in general but probably not for a gift especially when it's engraved and was a wedding ring... And the person died. They probably died with the ring on. It's just weird all around, sorry.

MozzarellaMonster · 20/04/2021 06:30

Yeah that's not on.
Buy yourself the ring you wanted and give him this one back, I would not be happy.
You've not played games or been a diva you've been clear and sent him a link ...he's a cheeky fucker.

Billandben444 · 20/04/2021 06:31

It would still be a sad reminder though. Just give it back, tell him about the engraving and tell him to take it back to the pawn shop. Then walk away, head held high, and buy the one you wanted yourself. And put double dose laxative in his dinner so he remembers this day.

RachelRavenR0th · 20/04/2021 06:31

*1. He totally disregarded your wishes and decided he knew what you wanted better than you did

  1. He's clearly a cheap skate and bought you a second hand wedding ring rather than the ring you wanted
  2. He clearly has no issues splashing the cash for himself. If just you that isn't worth spending money on.*

All of this. It is really disrespectful. How dare he say you dont know what you want.

Order the original ring now.

RachelRavenR0th · 20/04/2021 06:32

@Billandben444

It would still be a sad reminder though. Just give it back, tell him about the engraving and tell him to take it back to the pawn shop. Then walk away, head held high, and buy the one you wanted yourself. And put double dose laxative in his dinner so he remembers this day.
Grin
DianaT1969 · 20/04/2021 06:33

Are you a SAHM relying on his income? I ask because there seems to be a power imbalance (you say he bought himself a birthday gift, not that you bought one for him). Can I suggest you get back into the workplace so that you can buy yourself any gift you want and even up the power balance. You can re-evaluate your relationship when you are ready too.
If you are working but low-paid it's never too late to study for a career change.

timeisnotaline · 20/04/2021 06:36

Say you bought you what you wanted for your birthday, I feel creeped out by wearing a ring engraved to someone else who is most likely dead (I don’t feel this way personally but get that you do) , and I would like as much respect for my wishes on my birthday as you expect for you. I’m going to buy me the ring Id like and if you don’t like that we can take some of your computer parts back and exchange them for ones I think ‘just as good’.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 20/04/2021 06:42

Oh no! I would hate wearing someone else’s ring if I didn’t know them. Would really weird me out.

Definitely give it back to him to return and tell him you’ll be ordering the one you specifically asked for.

TheThingsWeAdmitOnMN · 20/04/2021 06:46

🎈 happy birthday 🥳

He's a Git.

What you asked for wasn't 'up to his standard' but a second hand, engraved, wedding ring was? Bloody hell, was the one you wanted out of a Christmas cracker?!

I have inherited jewellery (that sounds much grander than it is 🤣🤣) & I love it because of the sentimental value. But an engraved wedding ring that no one in the dead persons family wanted it were allowed to have(?!) would make me sad every time I looked at it (and annoyed that he knew what I wanted & wasn't expensive, but he didn't get it.

Also, it could be from a divorce OR it could be stolen. I'd be trying to find out about it's history.

I wouldn't want the other one now either as it would be a constant reminder if this debacle.

I hope you have something nice planned today with family or friends 🍰🍾🥂

TheSandgroper · 20/04/2021 06:48

I agree that your husband is the issue.

However, my engagement ring (found by me, I must say) is secondhand and engraved with a date. When a friend asked if I would like her to “cleanse” it of bad feelings etc I had to tell her that as it had been given in love once and was being given in love again, I preferred to think that there were no bad feelings to cleanse and that I thought the extra love would be just fine.

Perhaps the ring was the only thing of value and the instructions were to sell it so that it could be divided x number of ways. That, I don’t think, negates the love that may always have been attached to it. But perhaps that’s just me preferring to think positively.

Original poster
Mammabearto3 · 20/04/2021 06:51

Thank you for the replies, I have told DH how I feel he said I dont have too wear it if I feel uncomfortable. but he doesn't undestand why I'd feel uncomfortable as it's a nice ring.

I'm going to buy the ring and maybe earring's too 😀

OP posts:
mummabubs · 20/04/2021 06:55

Glad you're going to get the ring you want (will he pay for it?) I think WaltzingBetty got it completely right with her repl!