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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Birthday gift, am I being stupid to feel this way.

95 replies

Mammabearto3 · 20/04/2021 06:03

Today is my birthday. I asked for a simple gold ring nothing to over the top or expensive and sent link to DH the ring on sale with size.

This morning I opened my gift a ring box to find a ring similar to the one I asked for, DH went on about not being able too find the one I wanted and the other one not being up to DH standard's that's why he picked this one, I said that's fine I put it on. When I went to wash my hand's I noticed it was engraved I said this to DH. He brought the ring 2nd hand of a random person online. it once belonged to someone who passed away in their family and it's their wedding ring. I feel every uncomfortable wearing someone who has died wedding ring with out knowing them.

I feel it should be with someone in their family not sold to a random person on line. am I being stupid?

OP posts:
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 20/04/2021 06:58

@Mammabearto3

Thank you for the replies, I have told DH how I feel he said I dont have too wear it if I feel uncomfortable. but he doesn't undestand why I'd feel uncomfortable as it's a nice ring.

I'm going to buy the ring and maybe earring's too 😀

Definitely get the earrings too!
Original poster
Mammabearto3 · 20/04/2021 07:00

@TheSandgroper I didn't think of it being sold and money divided between loved ones being their wishes.

How do you cleanse a ring I've never heard of it before.

OP posts:
Howshouldibehave · 20/04/2021 07:03

@Mammabearto3

Thank you for the replies, I have told DH how I feel he said I dont have too wear it if I feel uncomfortable. but he doesn't undestand why I'd feel uncomfortable as it's a nice ring.

I'm going to buy the ring and maybe earring's too 😀

Ask him how he’d feel if you bought him a nice computer game but it was NOT the one he was after?

Can I ask how much the ring you wanted was compared to how much the computer game he had for his birthday??

FireflyRainbow · 20/04/2021 07:04

YANBU. That's morbid. 'Happy birthday have this dead persons engraved ring'. Its almost cruel.

FireflyRainbow · 20/04/2021 07:06

He told you that you don't have to wear it? Does he tend to dictate to you.

TheSandgroper · 20/04/2021 07:06

@Mummabearto3. I have no idea.

harknesswitch · 20/04/2021 07:07

My ex would do things like this, or I'd show him what I wanted and he'd buy something 'similarly because 'he likes it better', it was always about his wants, rather than getting something for me. I should have seen the red flags when he did it with my engagement ring

bonfireheart · 20/04/2021 07:09

If he hadn't realised it was engraved I would understand but he knew the whole back story and thought "yep that's what my wife really wants, a dead person's ring".

MinnieJackson · 20/04/2021 07:11

Reminds me when ozzy Osbourne got flowers for Sharon when he was pissed. She read the card...'rip dave' 😂 I think he stole them from a gravestone

Original poster
Mammabearto3 · 20/04/2021 07:11

@Howshouldibehave the ring was on sale down to $150 and he paid around $700 for the computer part's.

OP posts:
Pansypotter123 · 20/04/2021 07:17

How much was the ring you wanted.

I hope you have already bought yourself something for your birthday, in the same way he treated himself to computer equipment. Also, did you buy him a birthday present?

thesunwillout · 20/04/2021 07:18

@TheSandgroper

I love your thoughts on that.

Rainbowqueeen · 20/04/2021 07:20

Buy the ring the earrings plus anything else you want to go with it
That is horrible behaviour.

Sceptre86 · 20/04/2021 07:24

Yanbu but honestly I don't understand why you would put up with this. You asked for something specific, how hard would it have been to have gotten what you liked? Its the reasoning that he knows better or that he deliberately chose something else that would piss me off. Does he do this in other areas of your relationship and if so why do you put up with it?

wendywoopywoo222 · 20/04/2021 07:27

For his next birthday or Christmas buy him a second hand computer game that you know he would have no interest in.

ItsGotABitOfPink · 20/04/2021 07:29

Sorry op but I wouldn't feel like the ring belonged to me knowing it was a wedding ring of someone who's passed away.

NeilBuchananisBanksy · 20/04/2021 07:30

How much did he pay for the second hand ring?

I'd be having a strong word with him. It's very off.

bloodyhell19 · 20/04/2021 07:32

Oh no, no no no. Buying someone's once treasured jewellery is buying their tears. Did he not realize it was engraved?! Buy the ring you want & a matching set to go with it. He's an idiot.

Sooobooored · 20/04/2021 07:35

What is it engraved with? Somebody’s name?

I wouldn’t wear it either.

TheSandgroper · 20/04/2021 07:39

DH has bought me 5 rings. My wedding ring was made for me. The other four were all second hand and they are beautiful.

Original poster
Mammabearto3 · 20/04/2021 07:41

It's engraved with a date,

My NEW Earring's and ring will be delivered sometime next week 😀

A friend of mine joked to get it engraved with my birthday or something cheeky LOL

OP posts:
Original poster
Mammabearto3 · 20/04/2021 07:42

New ring to be engraved not the other ring

OP posts:
Isadora2007 · 20/04/2021 07:44

In his defence the old ring was probably of a higher quality/gold than the new $150 one. So in his eyes better. That’s not to say he shouldn’t have checked or considered the implications of a second hand wedding ring. It sounds like he knew you wanted a plain gold one and considered this an upgrade. No malice intended.

harknesswitch · 20/04/2021 07:44

Well done for ordering your jewellery Thanks

Original poster
Mammabearto3 · 20/04/2021 07:51

Thank you everyone for your comment's I'm off to enjoy a lovely evening with my family (no covid restrictions here so we can celebrate and enjoy may favourite cheese cake)

OP posts: