Birthday gift, am I being stupid to feel this way.

[Mammabearto3]

Today is my birthday. I asked for a simple gold ring nothing to over the top or expensive and sent link to DH the ring on sale with size.

This morning I opened my gift a ring box to find a ring similar to the one I asked for, DH went on about not being able too find the one I wanted and the other one not being up to DH standard's that's why he picked this one, I said that's fine I put it on. When I went to wash my hand's I noticed it was engraved I said this to DH. He brought the ring 2nd hand of a random person online. it once belonged to someone who passed away in their family and it's their wedding ring. I feel every uncomfortable wearing someone who has died wedding ring with out knowing them.

I feel it should be with someone in their family not sold to a random person on line. am I being stupid?

YABU and ridiculous. This thread is very strange. "You can re-evaluate your relationship when you are ready too"

Do you feel the same about vintage clothes? Does everything have to be new for you? Great for the environment... Has anyone ever lived in your house before you?

FWIW when we got engaged we went to a vintage jewellery shop and chose beautiful vintage rings, both engraved with other people's names and dates. Can't understand what people find so 'morbid' about that. My wedding dress and DH's wedding suit were also vintage. And buying vintage jewellery doesn't mean it's cheaper or lower quality!

YA also BU for spending so much on presents. And what is the point of a 'present' if it is something so specific you have dictated?

But the most U bit is your appalling use of apostrophes!

YANBU

Mostly because he override your choice and didn’t just get you what you requested but even if you were ok with that ...

It’s the engraving really.

My engagement ring is second hand and I like to imagine it has had a happy life but wouldn’t want to have more information or prior engraving.

Re:
I'm going to buy the ring and maybe earring's too 😀

Good on you I find best to buy my presents and wrapping and pass to DH to organise the sellotape! Makes for a good birthday 🥳

"FWIW when we got engaged we went to a vintage jewellery shop and chose beautiful vintage rings, both engraved with other people's names and dates. "

Big hint here is the word "chose".
You chose to buy secondhand, the OP didn't.
She had it foisted on her when she'd asked for a new ring.
Nothing else matters - her H went against her wishes and her choice and that is why people are suggesting she rethink her life with him.

Happy Birthday OP
YANBU at all. I would be more than pissed off at this. Second hand/pre-loved jewellery is absolutely fine if you’ve chosen it yourself but in this instance, nope. Not ok.
Go and treat yourself. On him. Enjoy your shopping trip

@Mammabearto3

It's engraved with a date,

My NEW Earring's and ring will be delivered sometime next week 😀

A friend of mine joked to get it engraved with my birthday or something cheeky LOL

That’s great. I would be taking the unwanted ring to a jewellers and selling it for scrap gold and putting the money towards your real birthday present. That way you don’t have an unwanted reminder in your jewellery box every time you open it!

@enigma16

YABU and ridiculous. This thread is very strange. "You can re-evaluate your relationship when you are ready too"

Do you feel the same about vintage clothes? Does everything have to be new for you? Great for the environment... Has anyone ever lived in your house before you?

FWIW when we got engaged we went to a vintage jewellery shop and chose beautiful vintage rings, both engraved with other people's names and dates. Can't understand what people find so 'morbid' about that. My wedding dress and DH's wedding suit were also vintage. And buying vintage jewellery doesn't mean it's cheaper or lower quality!

YA also BU for spending so much on presents. And what is the point of a 'present' if it is something so specific you have dictated?

But the most U bit is your appalling use of apostrophes!

You are a joy aren’t you?

@WaltzingBetty

I think there are a couple of issues here.

1. He totally disregarded your wishes and decided he knew what you wanted better than you did
2. He's clearly a cheap skate and bought you a second hand wedding ring rather than the ring you wanted
3. He clearly has no issues splashing the cash for himself. If just you that isn't worth spending money on.

I'd honestly tell him that the ring makes you uncomfortable and is not what you asked for

Agreed, except no 1 in my opinion is more

1. He totally disregarded your wishes and decided you are compliant enough to accept his blatant disrespect for you, and he enjoys rubbing that disrespect in your face.

One other idea: you could ask a jeweller to get rid of the engraving - it can be done.

I'm glad you've taken matters into your own hands and bought the jewelelry you wanted, but sorry you had to do this.

YANBU. I wouldn't like that either

@MindGrapes

Just playing devil's advocate a bit here - some partners feel it's "cheating" if you just click on a link to buy a present and that they need to think about it / get creative to make it more personal as more thought has gone into it from their side... so they treat the link you give as a starting point or example. I expect you'll know if this applies to your dp or not...

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Yeah - that sounds likely!

You make me feel a bad person for not seeing the potential good on others, though 😉

I've had a wonderful night with my family.

Thank you for the replies and suggestions what I should do with the ring.

@enigma16 I would like to clear up a few things,
but 1st I would like to ask if you are OK it feels like you are angry/hate/bullying towards me for posting if you need a "friend" to talk about anything at all please privately message me and we can talk if you need someone to talk too.

• I own 2nd have clothes
• I'd say 80% if not more of my furniture are hand me down's it has been given to us by family members/friends (some we have brought off them)

-our house is a 1950's house slowly being restored to be as beautiful as the day she once was finished.

But I had fallen in love with this ring it's my birthday I wanted something special/beautiful just for me. If I had fallen in love with a vintage or 2nd hand ring I would have asked for it.

In my 1st post I also mentioned about how it should stay within the family and not sold to a person online (sorry can't remember the way I put it)

Sometimes it is really nice to have something brand new that I love/wanted on my special day. I didn't ask for something that will break and be binned next week it's something I'd wear for a long time.

But I did mean what I said if you need a friend to talk I'm here for you please message.

OP - that's a lovely post and I'm glad you had a good time. I agree with your sentiments entirely 💐

Waiting for the first , “ this is abuse , LTB”.

@pyewackect sorry but what does LBT mean and is it directed towards me?

@pyewackect LTB not LBT

LTB means "leave the bastard" and is a little OTT for this situation, @Mammabearto3! I think Pyewackect was being facetious.

@ThumbWitchesAbroad thank you for the reply I feel like a fool not knowing what LTB was.

Yanbu, I wouldn't like it unless it was antique or vintage as that can be quite a nice thing to have, but not a recently engraved ring.

Sell his favourite game and buy him Animal Crossing for the DS. Tell him his favourite wasn't up to your standards.

@mammabearto3 we need more nice people like you in the world