Birthday gift, am I being stupid to feel this way.

[Mammabearto3]

Today is my birthday. I asked for a simple gold ring nothing to over the top or expensive and sent link to DH the ring on sale with size.

This morning I opened my gift a ring box to find a ring similar to the one I asked for, DH went on about not being able too find the one I wanted and the other one not being up to DH standard's that's why he picked this one, I said that's fine I put it on. When I went to wash my hand's I noticed it was engraved I said this to DH. He brought the ring 2nd hand of a random person online. it once belonged to someone who passed away in their family and it's their wedding ring. I feel every uncomfortable wearing someone who has died wedding ring with out knowing them.

I feel it should be with someone in their family not sold to a random person on line. am I being stupid?

@Mammabearto3

It's engraved with a date,

My NEW Earring's and ring will be delivered sometime next week 😀

A friend of mine joked to get it engraved with my birthday or something cheeky LOL

“LOL”?

What is it with women on here putting “LOL” when talking about shitty actions from their husbands? Is it some kind of nervous laughter?

What’s funny about engraving your birthday on a new ring with you got (well: sorted out yourself 🙄) for your birthday?

Pretty bad behaviour from him. I personally wouldn’t find the ring creepy, but I’d be unimpressed that he’d just ignored my wishes. I’m guessing this one was cheaper.

“Cleansing” a ring is just mumbo jumbo bollocks: will you cleanse the new one that comes with its own history of poorly paid gold mine workers working in dangerous conditions? I’d say that’s a negative vibe if you’re into “cleansing”.

Glad you got your ring and earrings.

If you have to send him a link to tell him what to buy and he still fucks it up it's not a gift. Gifts imply thought and effort. Clicking on a link provided by the recipient involves none of this.

In future, avoid all this annoyance by exchanging token gifts (book, chocolates, alcohol, flowers) and you buy your ring or anything else when you want it, see it in the sale etc. And he buys his computer parts out of his money.

Happy Birthday!

Feel a bit bad saying it, but I'm going to anyway - My first thought was that the ring was being fenced... I would honestly check with the local police.

I don’t get the issue with second hand/vintage jewellery. You get far more for your money and it’s usually much better quality. Most of my jewellery, including my engagement and eternity rings are vintage

@Mammabearto3

Thank you for the replies, I have told DH how I feel he said I dont have too wear it if I feel uncomfortable. but he doesn't undestand why I'd feel uncomfortable as it's a nice ring.

I'm going to buy the ring and maybe earring's too 😀

So did he offer to get you the ring you wanted OP? If not he is a piece of cheapskate shit. He will have paid bugger all for it. Is he normally all about himself?

Well, he’s a bit of a shit, isn’t he? Glad you got what you wanted in the end.

Is this realistically any different from having an antique ring, which most people would value?

I'm in the minority here, but I can't see the problem with second hand jewellery. If it's something you like why would it matter?

I can see you are disappointed that it isn't the ring you wanted, and also over the financial situation with what your DH spent on himself. But if you liked the ring, which you seemed to until you saw the engraving, why not enjoy it anyway.

YANBU, he’s an arse.

I only like to wear vintage jewellery.
But someone else’s wedding ring gives me the ick.
I have no problem with secondhand engagement rings, but wedding rings are different somehow.

Yay! Happy Birthday!

Glad you’re getting the gift you want. Sorry about the “D”H.

@shittingthreeeyedraven

I don’t get the issue with second hand/vintage jewellery. You get far more for your money and it’s usually much better quality. Most of my jewellery, including my engagement and eternity rings are vintage

Did you choose it though? If so there’s the difference.

The vast majority of my jewellery is second hand from my ascher engagement ring to vintage gold bangles.

I love antique jewellery, spend a lot of time hunting for it at auctions and enjoy wearing it but I’d balk at a second hand wedding ring. Especially if engraved. I can’t really explain why I have no issue with a second hand engagement ring but feel deeply uncomfortable about a second hand wedding ring.

I don't understand how he 'couldn't find' the one you wanted when you sent him a link to it.

Just playing devil's advocate a bit here - some partners feel it's "cheating" if you just click on a link to buy a present and that they need to think about it / get creative to make it more personal as more thought has gone into it from their side... so they treat the link you give as a starting point or example.
I expect you'll know if this applies to your dp or not...

I would be worried that the ring was stolen, apart from all the other issues.
Jewellery is easy to resell so often nicked, then sold online.

I would hate second hand jewellery but I’m not into vintage or gold. However the point is you showed him what you wanted and he didn’t get it.

I can understand your annoyance that he couldn't just get you the ring you sent a link to, but I wouldn't feel weird about having a vintage/antique ring. My wedding ring we purchased second hand at an antique fair and my eternity ring from a local antique shop. Married 34 years now.

He thought he could save some money. Now he has learned a valuable lesson

@wendywoopywoo222

For his next birthday or Christmas buy him a second hand computer game that you know he would have no interest in.

I like this .

No, I wouldn't like that. It's an entirely different thing if you CHOOSE to have an antique ring, or get one secondhand, than having it foisted on you because your H is too tight to get the new one you asked for.

I'd be asking him to sell it on again and get you the new one you asked for - or failing that, get him to pay to have the engraving polished off the ring.

I think there is a difference between vintage , or antique, and being given a wedding ring engraved for someone else as a birthday present.

@WaltzingBetty

I think there are a couple of issues here.

1. He totally disregarded your wishes and decided he knew what you wanted better than you did
2. He's clearly a cheap skate and bought you a second hand wedding ring rather than the ring you wanted
3. He clearly has no issues splashing the cash for himself. If just you that isn't worth spending money on.

I'd honestly tell him that the ring makes you uncomfortable and is not what you asked for

This. I'd also order the ring I wanted. What an arsehole thing to do.

I'm afraid I would have been explaining how inappropriate this was - and I wear vintage jewellery myself - while inserting it forcibly up his nostril. I have my mother's engagement ring and wedding ring which I don't wear as I have my own but I think maybe one of my sons might use her rings if they ever get around to proposing when they were older as they were very close to their grandmother. That would be appropriate but I think the idea of him buying you a secondhand wedding ring is just gross even if it was 18 carat.