To ban my parents from using mobile phones

[AndromedaGal]

I am fed up instructing my parents (in late 60's) how to use their mobiles. They don't even know how to turn the volume up properly, so all you hear when you call them is "Hello? Hello?...." Followed by an inevitable pause then, "Oh. Er, it doesn't appear to be working Pam. How do I........." and then lots of intermittent sounds as they randomly press buttons, followed by me being inevitably cut off. This has been going on for years. It's just painful.

They ring people inadvertently when they've stashed their phones in their back pockets because they don't know how to lock the keypads.
They send text messages to landlines.

They delete contacts, forget to turn them on when they're out and about (so what's the effing point having one) and lose them ALL.THE.TIME. And accessing the internet on their phones just causes a whole new level of trauma.

Why can't they learn the basic principles of mobile phone usage? They're intelligent and manage very well independently. But it's so exasperating as they don't always take their phones with them, and when they do, they have them turned off.

I think they should just stick to their landline TBH. Anyone else experience similar??

I am behind the times because dh is Mr Technology. The whole house is wired (or rather non-wired) for sound and we are the first with everything. Consequently I have kind of opted out as he makes everything so complicated. He did something or other a while back and I couldn’t even work the television. I lost it then as I did not want to have to press 130 buttons and enter another 130 codes to watch something. Even the teen dcs were fed up with it all.

I really feel like using two coke cans and a piece of string sometimes....

Such a lot of patronising, ageist bollocks on here.
DH did computer science at university in the early 70s, when it involved weird computer languages, punching program cards, stacks of perforated printouts and enormous servers in climate controlled rooms.
Believe me, that was hard.
My industry was one of the first to use the 'new technology' as it was called, in the late 70s/early 80s with video-editing terminals the size of a crate and which necessitated a two day training course before use. .
DH bought our first home PC in three separate pieces with a tower, keyboard and screen in the mid to late 80s (cost over 2 grand!)and set it up with CompuServe and dial-up internet.
Work sent me on courses in the mid 90s when the internet was described as 'the biggest library in the world, but all the books are thrown in a heap of the floor.' Search engines were notoriously, erm, uneven. I set up our first email address at that time, too.
In comparison, iPhones and iPads are an absolute piece of piss to use. You lot don't know you're born.

I can see both sides.
My dm is hard of hearing & being able to send & receive texts would be great for her as she can't hear properly on the phone. However, she's determined not to & even my saintly & very patient dsis has now given up trying to show her as she was obviously enjoying being 'helpless'. Her phone is switched off & only for emergencies, she'd have no idea how to use it while calm & rational let alone in an emergency!
BUT, I'm in my 50s & absolutely refuse to be contactable at all times. If I don't want to be disturbed then my phone doesn't get checked.
I forgot to take it to work a few times & my younger colleagues were really upset for me!!
So I'm somewhere in the middle.

It's 2021. They should have learnt by now. It's just ignorance and stubbornness, not stupidity.

See the boomers have arrived

Tartyflette

I agree. My DH had a punch card computer that literally took up a whole 20ft room. It would be a laptop now.

I remember the first search engine we used. It was called 'Copernicus' on dial up.

I really don't like this talk of 'banning' parents from doing things. It's so patronising and so ageist. Just don't answer when they're calling from their mobile, and call them later on their landline. Stay out of it. Problem solved.

@oakleaffy

It’s not the age, it’s not being taught properly. Anyone who is taught clearly can learn to use an iPhone easily. Age doesn’t come into it.

I disagree with this to an extent. A lot of learning about technology comes from learning through play/usage. You don't tend to sit someone down and teach them to use an iphone beyond the very basics.

My parents are quite good overall with phones and tablets but have an inexplicable aversion to email. My dad is more than happy to follow a youtube DIY tutorial, but will not have a go at replying to an email without me having to be there. I have told them to practice sending emails to me or my sister, but no.

@carbara jeez that is vitriolic crap! Lumping everyone together by age is lazy, ageist and shows a wilful ignorance of what actually happens in the real world. Do you really think technology was still in the dark ages until the Baby Boomers stepped aside for whoever you label as coming next? Maybe check some history?

My mum picks up my dad's calculator and tries to change the tv channel with it. She also keeps her mobile switched off in her bag in case her allowance gets used up, and if she calls you and has to leave a message turns the blooming thing straight back off again so no chance of reaching her! Mind you with technology getting so advanced I wonder what our kids will think of us when we get old.

I love this - it's Armando Iannuchi's Hugh

I didn’t write it, it was obviously a screenshot, I don’t need to check history though, cheers 😂

I think it's an attitude problem. My dad is 70, and I'v never had to explain how to use a mobile to him because he was using them during the end of his career where presumably he knew it wouldn't go down well if he couldn't remember how to turn the volume up after numerous explanations.
I don't see late 60's as particularly old unless there are health issues at play. I'd stop helping them with it.

@Susannahmoody

See the boomers have arrived

Who?

I disagree with this to an extent. A lot of learning about technology comes from learning through play/usage. You don't tend to sit someone down and teach them to use an iphone beyond the very basics.

I agree with this. I'm not particularly into tech but I've realised that to survive in the modern world you need to learn. I've been on Zoom calls but never set one up but now I have to arrange one for next week so I've downloaded info, bookmarked Youtube videos and got DD to agree to me letting me practise by inviting her! It's repetition that lodges it in your brain.

I disagree about being 'taught'.

No one has taught me anything. I just self taught

I am amazed by some of the comments this thread. I know plenty of people in their 80s and 90s who wouldn't claim to be expert in tech - but use email, whatsapp, zoom, google etc.

I agree with those upthread - age needn't be a barrier

Wow a hint of racism and you will be banned for life, but you are allowed to post this ageist shit?

Ok this was funny to read but I can understand your frustration! No answers unfortunately

My parents are the same age, both in their 70s.

Mother fears technology but wants to be like her friends so she has a smartphone. She turns it off after sending every message, so doesn't get to read the reply until sometimes days later when she wants to send a message again. She never has it turned on when she's out and about, until she's in a café with WiFi when she'll check and send messages, read the news headlines, then turn it off again. Has 50+ browser tabs open, 100+ notifications whenever I look at it. She gave me a good telling off when I asked her to take a photo of something really interesting that she was going to see - "I'M GOING ON SATURDAY AND I HAVE ENOUGH TO WORRY ABOUT!" She will NOT make a phone call on it even if it is the only way to contact someone urgently - the expense! She's frightened of her smartphone

My dad is good with technology. He likes gadgets and making his life easier with them.

I'd like to ban mine from all technology. Forever being hassled to sort problems out with online streaming, phones, forgotten passwords to stuff, online shopping gone pear shaped.

We lost my darling fil a few weeks ago
We had to log into his email as part of sorting out his affairs
My partner and his uncle set up fils email address on their phones so it wouldn't be left to my lovely mil (who is worse than useless with tech) to try to log in and read through spam and deal with anything that cropped up
She couldn't believe that as long as you have the address and password you could log on from any device and country in the world
'But how would they know you where abroad??'
She followed me round all day fretting about how scammers could also log in,read everything on their phones and steal all their money!
I still don't think I managed to convince her that it wouldn't happen
I have said that we will get her a basic tablet,set it up and show her what to do and she almost fainted
My partners uncle has just set her up an email address and she's now too scared to turn the computer on in case scammers steal all her money too!
She's also taped over the camera and if she needs anything she gets one of us to buy it and sends us a cheque!

I disagree with this to an extent. A lot of learning about technology comes from learning through play/usage. You don't tend to sit someone down and teach them to use an iphone beyond the very basics

I think that's generally how technology is best learnt but the problem is if you have people who are too cautious to learn that way. I know someone who acts as if there's a self destruct button on any technological device which makes them have to ask about every little thing for fear of breaking it. Even though I try to reassure them that if they are going to do something like delete something it will usually want confirmation or be able to be undone.

@Roussette

I disagree about being 'taught'.

No one has taught me anything. I just self taught

If you had no inkling at all of using modern technology I would have thought that you would need someone to show you the basics to start you off. This kind of thing isn't intuitive for everybody.

Okay. I can see the problem though.
As I said earlier, I'm 65. I spend too much time on the internet and I'm wedded to my phone. But when I look back to how I got here a) I had to adapt to using computers at work (and teach others to do so) back when they first entered schools, and b) my late DH was a very early adopter and enthusiast (remember the zx81, anyone? I remember when he bought one when it first came out, and suddenly my living room was filled with his friends all wanting to see/play with it). So while I was learning at work, he was there every evening to consolidate that with me, and help me out when I got stuck or had problems with it.

That background gave me a basis for adapting to smart phones etc, and my kids introduced me to different apps etc.

Had I not had to learn this stuff for work, and had a partner who helped me learn, it's hard to say where I'd be with this now. Someone of my age who'd never had to touch a computer for work, would have to very deliberately and assiduously learn this stuff, without the opportunity to practice.

So it's not so much cognitive age, as the opportunity and experience behind it.

My parents are not good with their mobiles (both in their 80s). Credit where it's due, my mum has taken to WhatsApp like a duck to water. She cannot however understand the difference between mobile data and texts/calls (despite me explaining it many times) and emails v text messages.

My in laws turn off their mobiles and only turn them on when they want to make a call. Thus, pre lockdown, when they arrived late at our house, we'd had to leave for a school sports fixture. Their journey is two hours, we'd tried to call them numerous times to say we had to leave and to go straight to the match. They were somewhat irritated we'd left without them, and when we said we'd tried to call, told us quite smugly that their mobiles were turned off of course so we wouldn't have been able to reach them. Aaagh....

It's almost impossible to teach any technology task to my FIL over the phone (or in person either frankly). Because he says he can't understand it unless he knows HOW it all works. I overheard my husband spending an hour explaining the theory behind the creation of the worldwide web and another long call explaining how the wireless infrastructure works. One day he'll get onto an actual task such as how to send a text.

My FIL is however the family Gepetto and a brilliant woodworker so we all have our talents.