To ban my parents from using mobile phones

[AndromedaGal]

I am fed up instructing my parents (in late 60's) how to use their mobiles. They don't even know how to turn the volume up properly, so all you hear when you call them is "Hello? Hello?...." Followed by an inevitable pause then, "Oh. Er, it doesn't appear to be working Pam. How do I........." and then lots of intermittent sounds as they randomly press buttons, followed by me being inevitably cut off. This has been going on for years. It's just painful.

They ring people inadvertently when they've stashed their phones in their back pockets because they don't know how to lock the keypads.
They send text messages to landlines.

They delete contacts, forget to turn them on when they're out and about (so what's the effing point having one) and lose them ALL.THE.TIME. And accessing the internet on their phones just causes a whole new level of trauma.

Why can't they learn the basic principles of mobile phone usage? They're intelligent and manage very well independently. But it's so exasperating as they don't always take their phones with them, and when they do, they have them turned off.

I think they should just stick to their landline TBH. Anyone else experience similar??

I think it’s because I then either pop round to see them or I ring them back on their landline. They like the company.

Thank you to all of those who have posted funny anecdotes! It's made me laugh more than anything else in a long time!! I can relate to many of them!

My Aunt (94) is quite good with FaceTime on her iPad, but her 'for the elderly' phone is a nightmare.(it's a counter intuitive piece of crap) I think she'd be better with an iPhone, but my cousins think her 'elderly phone' is fine. It's not. So she doesn't use it. Sadly.

My Dad has died, but he was an IT consultant. He was ok with his phone etc. My mum (now 78) is a source of amusement with her phone..but we get there!

People of all ages are variable with their abilities in all kinds of things, but certain things do tend to be generational. (Like looking on the actual desk to see if something is on the desktop. It's understandable, but still funny).

So for those whinging about it being ageist, lighten up fgs.

For those saying it's 'learnt helplessness' or 'they could if they wanted to' etc that may not be quite true.

I'm 52, in the last couple of years (maybe a bit longer) my head is like fog. I can't think things through the way I used to be able to. I'm an accountant and I used to be able to recall loads & loads of figures, formulas, general state of various clients businesses. But now I struggle to remember any data and I just cannot read & concentrate on information. It's actually scary.

As far as technology goes, I can't keep up with all the Apps the kids use or what the latest one is, I really struggle to follow things online that require a lot of focus.

I can well imagine myself being the person the anecdotes are about rather than the young person in the anecdote.

There's really no need to get all huffy because it might not apply to you.

[quote AndromedaGal]@Operasinger

It’s not ageism though. It’s just the truth. I’m crap with the TV & I’m in my late 30’s. They’re crap with mobiles. I don’t think it has anything to do with their age; in all other respects they’re probably more competent that me! And this is why I get so frustrated with them. What is it about bloody mobiles that they can’t get their heads around!!![/quote]
Many of the posts on here are ageist, patronising or just plain rude. Just for your information.

My parents have both died over the last couple of years. Much as I miss them every day I DO NOT miss tech dramas. They were both great in person licking up new skills but I hated ‘phone support’.

@Operasinger

This is yet another example of ageism on Mumsnet. There are some dreadful posts on here. Mumsnet be ashamed of hosting such awful ageism.

No it's not. FGS LIGHTEN UP

My mum is in her 80s and is really is really iPhone savvy
Maybe get them to buy an iPhone?
Another woman I know in her early 70s can’t and won’t learn how to use a mobile phone...
And yet she is a nurse?!
Surely nurses use far more tech things than a simple mobile?!

My 80 year old mum had a mobile that was supposedly designed, with the older person in mind, to be as simple as possible.

It was a nightmare trying to show her how to use it and quite stressful at times when I'd have missed calls from her but couldn't contact her when I tried phoning back (she'd not realised she'd phoned me and had turned the phone off).

The phone no longer works so I'm in 2 minds as to whether or not to get her a replacement.

It’s not the age, it’s not being taught properly.
Anyone who is taught clearly can learn to use an iPhone easily.
Age doesn’t come into it.

Life was better without internet and without mobile phones anyway. I miss those days and feel for everyone who thinks people are obliged to be interested in mobile phones.

I have long been the technical support person for my inlaws and their mobile phones.
Last weekend, MIL asked me to look at her phone because WhatsApp wasn't working... Turns out the phone's software hadn't been updated for nearly 2 years, which meant everything was out of date. Two hours later, once everything was updated, I asked her if she used Facebook or email on her phone. She reliably informed me that she doesn't have the internet on her phone, so no, she doesn't.

@Twatalert

Life was better without internet and without mobile phones anyway. I miss those days and feel for everyone who thinks people are obliged to be interested in mobile phones.

Except in a world pandemic where the Internet has enabled people to work from home and keep their jobs, and for education to continue. It isn't perfect, but better than nothing.

And we wouldn't have mumsnet without the Internet.

I’m with you. I feel like at that point there is no way that they can be trying. My parents aren’t too bad (early 60s) but I do have a policy with my mum where I will not give her any tech support unless she has googled how to do it first

DM 82 actively decided not to engage with computers 25+ years ago.
We've had computers in the house since the mid-80s when she was in her 40s. In the mid-90s DB and I had PCs each. She did actually have a breeze block of a mobile in about 96. I had a brick phone thrust at me at 17 in 98 so she could keep in touch. But she's never gone any further than a basic phone call. Not even SMS.
Her 2005 clamshell has died and she's not bothered to replace it which actually makes no difference as it was nearly always turned off.

Her reluctance to engage just passes on her life admin on to DB for personal matters such as any GP service as they are only contactable online, and onto her similarly aged friends for social matters. Her choices have had consequences in removing her independence and being socially isolating. 25 years ago, there were phone boxes in public places if you had an issue, and people communicated mainly around phones and sometimes a bit of post. Having people who've effectively chosen to remain in 1995 affects the whole way you communicate with them. DM hasn't seen what my DCs look like in a year.

She's been motivated to learn about plenty of other things and this was completely a lifestyle choice at a younger age. Most of her friends are functional with it.

I hope PPs who are mocking older relatives lack of tech skills are treated with a bit more compassion by their own DC in years to come.

I don't think it's the lack of tech skills per se, I would be absolutely fine if my Dad accepted that so long as he could phone on his mobile if for eg. their car broke down, why does he need to be able to text? It's the fact that he has asked me so many times to teach him. I have offered to write out instructions for him but he says 'oh that sounds far too complicated, it'd be far easier for you to show me'. Equally, he has the instruction manual for his radio, but he admits he can't be arsed reading them, and he wouldn't need to if someone showed him, would he?

I think either accept that technology has passed you by or just crack on and learn how to deal with it. Most tech is so much more intuitive than it was 30 years ago when you had to input lines of code to do the simplest operation. I think it's obviously a lot harder to learn tech skills when you haven't grown up completely immersed in it all but most elderly people I think are capable of doing it if they really want to (and 60 something isn't elderly surely, isn't it late middle age?).

I also want to add that my 87 year old grandad successfully FaceTimes, WhatsApp’s and joined an array of zoom meetings over lockdown so there is no excuse really

I have a grandparent who is over 100, they have a mobile. Laptop and tablet. They gave limitations but happily send and reply to texts and email. However they find it impossible to be conversational, all messages are very short and to the point

My mum is pretty good with tech, although she hates it. My dad is the same, although he had a Facebook account for all of 24 hours before he asked me how it could be deleted as it was full of twats. 😅 Both in their mid fifties.

My late MIL, however ... She could order herself stuff off the Amazon app, text, make calls fine. But notifications? Any kind of thing on her screen that looked vaguely different? She'd have an absolute tizz about it. SO many phone calls in a panic saying she'd been hacked haha... I'd give anything for her to call me about a WhatsApp notification now, mind you ☺️

We bought my Nan a flip phone as she kept pocket dialling people.

She could never work out how to turn off caps and signed off every text with the date and time so you knew when she sent it

EVERYTHING CAME THROUGH LIKE THIS. LOVE YOU FROM NAN XXXX 19/04 4:53PM

I miss her so much

I know how to change a tyre. I cannot do it though. Every time I try, I can’t loosen the nuts. I keep tried various different options for trying it but I couldn’t do it.

My husband has had trouble at times with the tools that come with the car and he is not small. We have extra-long wheel braces in the cars now. I sometimes still have trouble getting a big wheel on and off the hub. They're heavy, awkward, usually filthy, and sometimes stick. I'd rather call the RAC and let them do it.

I have no problem with my phone though.

Life was better without internet and without mobile phones anyway. I miss those days and feel for everyone who thinks people are obliged to be interested in mobile phones

OMG I couldnt disagree more! I'm older and I thank my lucky stars I was able to be part of the internet generation. I love travelling to remote places and I can research research research and learn and book stuff when I can and if not, go off there in my head whilst Covid won't allow me.

My mother, sadly no longer with us, was pretty quick to get herself emailed up and mobie savvy and loved tech. My dad, not so much. Phone always off to 'save the battery' and usually in a drawer for 'safe keeping'. Zero retention for any kind of 'how to' instructions and endlessly insisting his handset was 'faulty' because he couldn't hear etc etc

However, more infuriating than that, was my mother's insistence, that despite being the most Waitrose Shopping, Telegraph Reading, Glasses on a chain round her neck wearing, fine-art loving and high brow literarature-reading woman you've ever met, she SUDDENLY started to text me as though she was twelve and illiterate.

Hi Darling. Hp u had a (loveheart)ly day. TBH I think i'm going to skip the opera with Margaret 2morrow. Rlly tired. Spk l8ter.

I always replied in full sentences with proper punctuation, but for some reason, she felt that this was all part of being able to text. Bless her. But if fucked me off at the time.

Now that is ageism. Not sure how the older generation caused covid

My husband is like that too, but he doesn't own one he uses mine when he needs a torch😄