My 16yo DS and his girlfriend (Part 2)

[workworkworkugh]

Just opening a new thread as I believe the other one is getting full.
Will try and link the old one

@Thermopylae I agree with what you've written.

Younger teens are ripe for picking by an abuser all that strong first love and sexual desire thrown into the mix too.

I would find it very hard not to respond to the mother’s message but would not use Szyz’s wording as it is too involved and has an element of playing them off against each other. I think the brief and to the point wording posted up thread is better.

Don't get drawn into an argument with the mother, it wont do you any good. I would block her.

Unfortunately OP, even though this is your son, you can't help someone who doesnt really want to be helped. Your son just isn't there yet. Just be ready for when he is, that's all you can do.

Sorry you're having to go through all of this. Maybe use this time away from it to nurture the family that is there and make sure that when your son decides to come back then there is a lot to come back to.

Any response would more than likely be twisted/used by the mum/her daughter to further alienate Op's son.

He also doesn't want to hear any of it, so best not give him any ammo either imo.

I would find it very hard not to respond to the mother’s message but would not use Szyz’s wording as it is too involved and has an element of playing them off against each other. I think the brief and to the point wording posted up thread is better.

Didn't want to read and run as had been hoping for good news for you op. Hope your ds comes to his senses soon

Didn't want to read and run as had been hoping for good news for you op. Hope your ds comes to his senses soon

Don't get drawn into an argument with the mother, it wont do you any good. I would block her.

Unfortunately OP, even though this is your son, you can't help someone who doesnt really want to be helped. Your son just isn't there yet. Just be ready for when he is, that's all you can do.

Sorry you're having to go through all of this. Maybe use this time away from it to nurture the family that is there and make sure that when your son decides to come back then there is a lot to come back to.

I think as long as the son knows-in no uncertain terms-that he can go home whenever he wants then that needs to be enough.

Any response would more than likely be twisted/used by the mum/her daughter to further alienate Op's son.

He also doesn't want to hear any of it, so best not give him any ammo either imo.

Don't get drawn into an argument with the mother, it wont do you any good. I would block her.

Unfortunately OP, even though this is your son, you can't help someone who doesnt really want to be helped. Your son just isn't there yet. Just be ready for when he is, that's all you can do.

Sorry you're having to go through all of this. Maybe use this time away from it to nurture the family that is there and make sure that when your son decides to come back then there is a lot to come back to.

Don't get drawn into an argument with the mother, it wont do you any good. I would block her.

Unfortunately OP, even though this is your son, you can't help someone who doesnt really want to be helped. Your son just isn't there yet. Just be ready for when he is, that's all you can do.

Sorry you're having to go through all of this. Maybe use this time away from it to nurture the family that is there and make sure that when your son decides to come back then there is a lot to come back to.

That message! Crafted to elicit a response.

I agree with everyone saying not to reply, stick with the grey rock.

An old saying/joke sprang to mind - 'Never wrestle with a pig, you both get dirty and the pig enjoys it.' Which translated into English means "don't be drawn into a fight that your opponent will benefit from even if they don't win". I think she would twist and use any response you made so grey rock all the way. ((hug))

What Thermopylae says is very eloquent so I’m taking back what I said about how I’d respond. They’re quite right, you reply and you’ve given their comments weight.

Actually, yeah - don’t respond.

Do tell the school though. If your son is staying at someone else’s part of the time, they should know (and should know that you are unhappy about it)

@workworkworkugh

Thanks everyone. It has been so helpful for me to just get everything out here even if I don't agree with what some posters say, I'm still open to hearing it all.

The doctor was great and I have a number to call to book me (and DH) in for some counselling to help us navigate through this.

The parents sent us another msg tonight but we are not responding.

Advice is just that.

It's worthwhile posting because you'll get a range of opinions and experience and you can act as you think will work best for your family. And if you want to change tack you have other ideas.

The comment about the roof over his head confirms my suspicions - the mother also has personality and boundary issues.

How fucking dare she

It o agree with above despite her outrageous suggestions and accusations without making accusations you need to grey rock.

I have read both threads but never posted. This time though I have to ask, why on earth is the GF’s mother wanting him to stay with her? What is in it for her?

To the PP who said she is grooming the son, I totally agree. This is beyond all levels of fucked up.

I don’t have any advice for the OP, other than I think you need to ensure DS knows he is always very much loved and wanted at home and you will be there when he wants to return. After that, OP, you need to protect yourself.

The mother may have been told by the daughter that you had thrown DS out.

Will he be coming home at the weekend when she goes to stay with her Dad? It would be a bit odd for him to live with the mum while the daughter was living elsewhere. I agree with the concerns about grooming.

I think the idea of keeping in touch with DS daily by text is a good one. Keeps the door open for chat.

I have read both threads but never posted. This time though I have to ask, why on earth is the GF’s mother wanting him to stay with her? What is in it for her?

Best guess is that whilst her DD is so invested in her BF life is much easier for her parents....

God sympathy for you OP, I think you're doing the right thing not responding to the Mother but others have said I would text to say to your Son that he is always welcome.

The OPs DS has relieved the mother of having to deal with her unhinged / unstable / demanding DD.

How shit! I've read both threads and am horrified at how unhinged this young girl seems.

Your poor DS but unfortunately, infatuation amongst teenagers, means they generally don't see sense.

The GF mum seems NUTS. Encouraging 15/16yo to have relationship counselling...that is insane!! For a start, teenagers should only be happy and carefree...they shouldn't have enough issues between them that they need counselling.

100% agree with others - they are pushing for the relationship to work, because your DS is being 'the rescuer/placate'er' to the GF. Look up the karpman drama triangle. You are all caught up in it and switching roles.

The GF sounds ill. Like really ill..maybe personality disorder, or attachment disorders (and hardly surprising as the mum doesn't seem to have appropriate boundaries) and your poor DS is her scapegoat - it is co-dependency through and through.

Big hugs.

I'm wondering if your DS has told the Mum that you have kicked him out? But I agree with others, best not to respond to that message.
I'm so sorry you are going through all this.

I think a daily text to DS telling him he is loved and always welcome home, nothing else and with no expectation of a response is a good one.

Agree the mother is unhinged. Ignore her all the way.

So sorry that you are going through all of this OP. Sounds like the police (and even to an extent the school) are being useless! Sympathies x