To think you can't judge someone by one mistake

[ButtonMoony]

YABU - people never change
YANBU - without all the details you shouldn't judge.

Prompted by another thread about a bloke who did prison time for punching someone. Lots of comments deciding he is a violent man and likely to be again in the future without knowing ANY fact.

Also prompted by my own experience.

Never any trouble with the police for 40 plus years. Successful business woman, PTA blah blah.

Husband left, business crashed, I had a full on mental breakdown. Crisis teams, inpatient treatment, sectioned, the works.

During a period of my life that I honestly can't remember and whilst in the depths of a depression I wouldn't wish on anyone I was convicted for drink driving.

So. Should I be judged by people for the rest of my life and deemed a threat to people as I might do it again (I won't. Sober. Re married. Back in employment) or should people consider overall circumstances before making a snap decision about someone based on one mistake.

[MrsJackSpratt]

Whoops. Wrong thread

[worriedatthemoment]

@denverRegina because I don't need your permission to you are the one still justifying your comment and your risk assessment which was to remove her keys totally.
You know nothing about me or what I do or do not know about risk assessment , your the one who works with people and would surely know the law is that people do get their licence back after a period of time in most cases .

[IdblowJonSnow]

People are allowed to make whatever judgements they like. I don't judge you from what you've said but if you had killed or disabled someone then I'm afraid I would. Which is illogical I guess as it comes down to luck.

[DrSbaitso]

@IdblowJonSnow

People are allowed to make whatever judgements they like. I don't judge you from what you've said but if you had killed or disabled someone then I'm afraid I would. Which is illogical I guess as it comes down to luck.

Well, you can improve your odds significantly by not getting behind the wheel while you're hammered.

[ButtonMoony]

@DrSbaitso noone was hammered ffs.

It was a mistake. I regret jt. I won't ever do it again.

I was a million miles from hammered.

[DrSbaitso]

[quote ButtonMoony]@DrSbaitso noone was hammered ffs.

It was a mistake. I regret jt. I won't ever do it again.

I was a million miles from hammered.[/quote]
I wasn't referring to anyone in particular. Just responding to the idea of how much luck is involved in not killing someone by driving drunk. You can cut the odds drastically if you don't drive drunk.

But I'm with PPs who are a bit uncomfortable by how much you minimise this.

[Ylvamoon]

It was a mistake. I regret jt. I won't ever do it again

I disagree. You reacted to a high level of stress caused by other peoples actions. You can't control other people.
How can you say you will not drink & drive if faced with this level of stress again?

[MarshmallowAra]

@denverRegina

"I never for one second imagined I could still be over the limit at nearly lunchtime."

So all the "successful business woman, PTA blah blah" stuff wasn't quite accurate then? That person wouldn't have missed all of the relentless campaigns about not drinking and driving the next day. Or they'd at least be able to "imagine it for a second".

Wtf?

What is supposed to be the certain connection between those two things?

[MarshmallowAra]

@Ylvamoon

It was a mistake. I regret jt. I won't ever do it again

I disagree. You reacted to a high level of stress caused by other peoples actions. You can't control other people.
How can you say you will not drink & drive if faced with this level of stress again?

Perhaps because she's been though it, experienced it, learned from it, learned different coping mechanisms ....

Also more mature, we're all maturing constantly (well most of us).

[Startingagainperson]

But we are realizing that, for example, people get into abusive relationships because they don’t judge the person or see warning signs.

Judgement, good judgement, does mean weighing up risk when making decisions that may effect our lives or having children too.

Judgement doesn’t mean - everyone is bad if they did one thing wrong - but it does mean having pertinent information and weighing that up wisely.

[Ellipsies]

I have a dishonesty conviction, I was 18 and was working for a bloke who didn't pay me for six months (£14k) so I bounced a cheque for a grand at one of his businesses and received community service for it. Still embarrassed three decades later and a one-off.

Drink drive limit is 35, they don't prosecute below 39 so you were more than slightly over OP.

[GnomeDePlume]

In terms of social judgement (as opposed to criminal) context is important. Does the person acknowledge and regret their own actions? Have they in some way tried to atone for their actions?

Atonement goes beyond 'doing the time'. A person who doesnt simply vow to never commit the crime but who perhaps helps other not to commit that crime or helps out victims of crime.

Several years ago there was a programme where a convicted housebreaker would demonstrate where participants in the programme could improve their home security. He never shied away from his own conviction even though it was long since spent. Each episode he had to come face to face with the 'victims' of his 'break in'. I cant imagine that was ever a comfortable experience even if the participants were willing as the sense of violation was very real.

[Hawkins001]

All depends on the context, and how they redeem themselves

[FlyNow]

I think people can make one off mistakes. But the question for you OP is, who do you want to "forgive" you and why. You are married, employed, and (I'm assuming) aren't homeless, are well fed, etc. Your life isn't currently negatively impacted by your mistake. What does it matter if a bunch of people agree with you. If you have friends that cut you off when it happened, well thats life and it happens over lots of things. Maybe they are missing out but maybe it's a big issue for them and they couldn't continue the friendship.

[MakingPlans21]

There are many more than 50 shades of grey between the black and white binary you suggest.

[denverRegina]

"Wtf?

What is supposed to be the certain connection between those two things?"

The connection is a basic level of intelligence, common sense and awareness.