Who pays?

[Imfinallyhappy1]

Have had my niece (11) for a day at the park. We parked and as it was crowded said to my ds and dn be careful opening car doors please.

Dn and ds acknowledged and then dn Flung open her door and has hit a gorgeous merc beside us.

We were all wtf and she said sorry I didn't think.

There was approx 5 seconds between the warning and her opening the door.

I've left a note for the car owner and taken pictures.

Dn lives with my dsis and my parents. My mum said they will pay but my dad has said he's pissed off and I should pay?

Aibu? If my kids damaged someone's property even if they were with someone else I wouldn't expect them to pay.

You should pay. Your car insurance and the fact the child was in your care.

Either way I’d never ever take her with you again.

Pretty twatty attitude against a child who made a simple mistake.

You pay. You were responsible for her. I make sure I don't park too close to other cars and if I do I ensure I open my children's doors for them. They are childlocked. I would be unamused if my brother took my kids out and was careless in this regard and gave me a bill.

From a personal standpoint I would pay if it was my child who had damaged property.

However from a legal standpoint because your niece was with you, you are responsible for her actions.

I know that it’s a lot of money for you but it would be a shame for this to ruin your relationship with your niece.

Your responsibility I think - better to hold the door while kids open doors in a tight space. Telling them not to fling them open doesn't work as you have found.

@ShaneTheThird

Either way I’d never ever take her with you again.

Pretty twatty attitude against a child who made a simple mistake.

What's twattish is the sister and her dad not offering to pay when they know the OP is poor.

@Christmasfairy2020

I'd have drove of

Someone like you did £1200 damage to my car once when it was parked. You’re disgusting.

Oh, and it’s off, not of.

@ShaneTheThird

Either way I’d never ever take her with you again.

Pretty twatty attitude against a child who made a simple mistake.

The attitude is against the entitled sister and father.

@UrAWizHarry

It was an accident.

Stick it through the insurance and suck up any excess. A couple of hundred pounds is not worth falling out over.

If it's not worth falling out over why doesn't sister pay if ?

Of course you pay. You were responsible for the child at the time. It wouldn't even enter my mind not to pay in this instance.

Did anyone actually read where OP said she would struggle to pay?

In my family it would cause a dispute, but more along the lines of 'I'll pay she was with me and my responsibility for the day' , 'no I'll pay she's my daughter and she should know better' would probably end up going 50/50 and the 11 year old would have some kind of consequence whether loss of pocket money or 'you have to help aunt/uncle with x jobs around the house/garden'

driveway

Here

Just stings when I know my dsis and parents can pay and I really can’t afford too

Has the owner been in contact yet?

Your car insurance - that is what it is for.

How much? How are you doing financially? Go halves when in doubt.

No fucking way would I claim through my insurance. Why would you out your premium up instead of coming to an arrangement with the owner of the car?! Car insurance is a racket anyway, don’t make it even easier for them for a bloody dink in a door 🙄

I’d expect the owners of the child to pay. You warned her, she did not act accordingly. That in this case is your sister. Or your dad. He’s being a straight-up arsehole. You were trying to do something nice.

I can only assume that the posters claiming they'd be more than happy to pay for it, and hypothetically any damage to sofas/homeware, that they would also expect the other person to pay if it were their child who damaged something of somebody else's. So their 11 year old child is warned not to play with balls in their friend's house but does so anyway and smashes the TV. These posters would happily collect their child, nod sympathetically when the friend's parents told them what they did and walk away happy that they have done the right thing by not offering to pay anything towards the damage as it wasn't on their watch. I honestly can't believe how fucking cheeky some people are.
OP, no you should not have to pay for this. And neither should your family try to make you feel guilty for it.

@Imfinallyhappy1 - in your OP you refer to having your 'DS' with you, as well as your DN. Was this your DSon or your DSis? I think it makes a difference.

If your niece's own DM was with you, then she retains overall responsibility for her child and should therefore bear the cost, but if instead you had your DSon with you, unfortunately, even though you have clearly trained your child to follow simple instructions, your DN's failure to open the door carefully has resulted in what will possibly be an expensive repair, which as the adult in charge of her at that time, you should pay.

If you do have to pay, I would be pretty pissed off and would expect a letter of apology from your "D"N and some show of financial contribution from her own 'piggy bank'.

I know if my Dsis had very kindly taken my daughters out for the day and similar had happened, I would be mortified at the thought that she should pay and would do so myself, so let's hope your DSis has an attack of conscience and does the right thing. I bet if it had been her, she wouldn't have left a note, but rather would have driven off to a distant corner of the car park so as not to be traced!

I feel for you OP. To me it reads like your parents and sister have already made their minds up. I would be mortified if my child did that (she’s 11 and was warned), and would have insisted on paying before this even became an issue. I actually think this is quite sad for you.

@Lostinthemail

Either way I’d never ever take her with you again.

This is outrageous it was an accident I have done similar and I was about 20!

No fucking way would I claim through my insurance. Why would you out your premium up instead of coming to an arrangement with the owner of the car?! Car insurance is a racket anyway, don’t make it even easier for them for a bloody dink in a door

So you’d rather stump up £1000+ than pay an extra £50/year for insurance the next 5 years? Sounds like a plan!

@JustSleepAlready

I think legally you don’t have a leg to stand on. You took responsibility for an 11 year old and all their ‘quirks’ as well. You warned them first, which shows that you were aware that they could possibly do some damage. Instead of opening the door yourself you allowed her to, despite knowing the potential for incident. Legally it’s your responsibility I think. But morally, maybe half and half?

OP must have been close for DN to hit the other car anyway..hence the warning!

Your sister should pay. No doubt about it.

Personally I still expect 11 year olds to do stupid things (having taught year 6 it’s near constant that someone is doing something stupid at any one time). Whilst I would remind them normally to be careful, if I noticed I’d parked next to a flashy car I’d probably shout ‘don’t touch the doors!’ to startle them then either make them get out the opposite door or open it myself. I’d at least be ‘look at me and repeat what I just said’. Kids aren’t malicious, they just don’t reliably process stuff always. Also it could be as simple as they are used to an older car with a heavier open, and yours flew open with the same force. My own 11 yr old practically fell into the road doing this in my dads newer car recently.
I’d take it as an annoying lesson and pay the excess; it’s not worth the fall out. In future you’ll handle things differently.
I’d be annoyed as a parent if I’d had to pay and you had parked against a flashy car with kids and not really managed the potential you’d already anticipated as possible. I’d pay, but you wouldn’t take them out again.