To wonder what kind of funeral you would like

[SylvieHortensis]

I'm not a royalist but watched Prince Philip's funeral yesterday as I love a bit of British pomp and circumstance in the sunshine.

It got me thinking how much I hate 'normal' funerals - and I've been to a fair few including my parents.

What kind of send off would you like (if any)?

Cheap funeral then a couple of grand behind the bar for everyone to have a piss-up.

Another direct cremation here. The cost of a funeral is obscene....and yet people think they have to do it to give the deceased a "proper sendoff".
Bollocks to that. My family know my wishes and will follow them. I don't want weeping and wailing. I've told them to enjoy me while I'm here 😀

@SylvieHortensis

One where the 'guest of honour' doesn't arrive

One of those cheap and easy cremations that keep being advertised on tv! Get the practical bit over and done with first, and then...

Wait for a really lovely sunny day, take the ashes to my favourite beach and loved ones have a beach day, bbq, swimming in the sea, and then let my ashes go at sunset before heading home.

I’d like to be cremated with my ashes scattered under a tree in my garden.

I’d want people to be able to come and sit with me for a while, and remember all the happy times.

Then - a massive party. No crying or somber music - just happiness and lots of gin

We attended a different one recently. Lovely old chap, distant relation of dh, there were only 5 of us. He was an atheist and hadn’t wanted any service, but it was in a normal crematorium.
We had all come quite a way, so we brought wine, glasses and nibbles, to share right afterwards.
However it was absolutely tipping it down, , so we took wine and nibbles into the ‘chapel’, rearranged chairs and had a mini party, and a BiL read out memories of him.

Of course we raised glasses and said cheers to him in his coffin. Those who knew him best said he’d have approved entirely.
We did wonder whether crem staff might tut a bit at a bottle and glasses being produced, but nobody turned a hair, they seemed to think it a great idea too.

I'd like a natural burial for environmental reasons.

I wouldn't buy a funeral plan- several old folk I knew did that years before their death and there was no trace of it when it was needed. I'd like one of the bible bits in the c of e service, or a prayer, but mostly non religious, but I don't think that's possible, is it? Anyone know?

Direct cremation for me too. My parents will be having the same when the time comes. It was them that made me think about it. Theirs is all paid up. Direct cremation is no mourners, no service. You just get the ashes and then decide where you want them scattered.

Direct cremation for me.

Lucky my husband was a patient man as I don’t indeed to die for a good few years yet

Death of a loved on is sad but the funeral doesn’t need to be.
My husband planned his own when he was given a 3 month prognosis.
His hurst and the funeral procession was to go past the pub he had drank in for years and I was really touched when the staff came out to wave him off. He was a life long supporter of a football club and he wanted their anthem played but not the sung somber one but a recording of it from the terraces being siping by the supporters and we found one from a match he was actually at so somewhere in that crowd of voices would have been his. No church as he wasn’t sure what he believed but straight to the crem. Lots of personal touches and although we did have a non de nominal minister lead the service in the main it was family who spoke about him rather than a minister who had never met him.
Then we all went for food and a piss up at his favourite pub.
In contrast my fathers funeral was a year later. He hadn’t planned anything and it was all arranged by his second wife. Very traditional but so impersonal. No one spoke, hymens not songs and quite frankly we could have been seeing off any old stranger and it said nothing about him at all.

@Waxonwaxoff0

I don't want one. I want straight to cremation and everyone to go to the pub to celebrate my life. No service.

This, this is exactly what I want

Natural burial at the lovely local natural burial ground. Just wrap me in a shroud and chuck me back in the Earth. Then an opportunity for all my loved ones to get pissed and eat cake and have a good old laugh about all the stupid shit I did in my life.

It's all in my will. My best friend has a music playlist in a note on her phone ready for the occasion.

I am curious about those who want a 'direct crematorium' 'funeral'.
Do you mean that no one goes to the crematorium?
Do you have no 'get together', 'service' or 'wake'?
Is this because you do not want people to mourn your death, or you dont want extra expense, or you think a 'service' as the crematorium would be too religious?
[I am talking post covid here, as obviously current rules prohibit a wake as such.]

We are currently planning DP's (alongside our wedding, talk about parallel planning), he wants nothing so he will probably go for a direct cremation but in reality I know what a backlash that will cause in his family. We are ensuring he gets his wishes by paying up front but it has brought home to me how difficult it is to get it right for the deceased and for those left behind.

I would like a humanist ceremony and a woodland burial.

My current realistic dream plan is to arrive and be able to carry mourners in this bus, possibly with a my life tour around the city if it could be arranged, and then to a local natural burial nature reserve for an outdoors, possibly graveside, and for my grave to be marked with a local fruit tree (haven't decided which, I just want it to be a fruit tree and the place requires it to be from a set of local trees).

This natural burial, transport and giving gifts is my priority which I hope my end of life document makes clear to my family. The gifts would be small - packet of local wildflower seeds, possibly memorial cushions for any of my children, I have joked that I may need to gift umbrellas as part of thanking people for standing outside for my oddities.

Beyond that, I want a non-religious celebrant, I have a couple songs picked out (Mariana Trench mostly at this point), and something short so people don't stand around too long - I kinda like the idea of the bus being the main part of the funeral and then just walking me to my final place for a few last words.

The place I've picked has a nice place to eat after in the nearest car park where the bus would need to stop if they wanted to organize a meal or something after. I want no alcohol to be served at the event - I've had enough funerals and other parts of my life ruined by people getting drunk, I don't want it at my funeral. I've been to some lovely funerals that had photo and video displays which I think would be nice, but not a priority if they're not up to it.

Also, looking over my document, I put that I want to be put in a very basic, comfortable burial gown with no bra, last time I updated this I seemed to think that was important to underline. I think I'd watched where she discusses bras so wanted to be clear that I do not care if my breasts migrate.

Not at all realistic dream plan would be to undergo natural organic reduction (sometimes called human composting/recomposition) which currently isn't an option. If that did become an option, I'd have to retweak a few things, but I'd still want to be taken there by bus, to have an outdoor final event, and I might add little plant pots as part of the gifts with most of what remains of me being donated to a nature reserve or similar.

I am curious about those who want a 'direct crematorium' 'funeral'. Do you mean that no one goes to the crematorium?

My understanding is that with a direct cremation no one is there who knows you.

Do you have no 'get together', 'service' or 'wake'?

Not as part of the the 'direct cremation package' but family/friends are free to get together.

Is this because you do not want people to mourn your death, or you dont want extra expense

You can't stop people mourning you but I find crematoriums quite harrowing experiences and personally never got any comfort or closure from attending one.

I don't want money spent on a funeral. I'd love DH and DC to go to France where we've had many glorious holidays and remember me there.

For me personally, a very small, simple cremation with just my closest friends and family there with as little spent on it as possible.

In reality, whatever gives most comfort to the person left behind to arrange it (since I'll be dead and not actually giving a damn). I've told dh that I'd prefer cremation, a cardboard or willow coffin if that's an option, no flowers, and no particularly big send off, but if there's things that he would like to do that would bring him comfort then that's up to him.

I'd be very happy with direct cremation, but dh is really uncomfortable with the idea.

milvey

I think I’d want the direct job (not necessarily a cremming) because it would be a waste to hire anywhere. Should I nip off this mortal coil, I’d like to spare my family the embarrassment of no one coming.

I truly don’t think anyone would be bothered enough.

Well, one still has to 'dispose' of the body. Can't exactly put your dearest relative in the dustbin.
So, I imagine, a coffin (presumably the cheapest).
There will still be crematorium fees or gravedigger fees (charged by the council), and undertaker fees (to take / store body in morgue, and then take to crematorium).
Yes, I have heard of people taking the body in their car, but you would need to adapt it to take a coffin, and I personally would not like to have a body stored at home. I guess one could use a van, instead of a nice black hearse.
My Dad told me that when his DGM died (obviously many years ago, and long before I was born), her body lay in the house for several days, but I think this would be considered very unusual, if it is actually allowed.
So, I think the extra expense would be for someone to actually take the 'service', whether a religious person, or humanist, but presumably there is no need for this.
There is no need to have 'refreshments', but people often like to talk about the deceased together.
I went to a funeral recently; dress code was 'smart casual', so no one was expected to wear black, etc

I'm Jewish and the funerals are very simple affairs so hopefully that. i hope it will be filled with the friends of my children, my grandchildren and great grandchildren as that'll mean that i am very very old when i go

Pagan, woodland, environmental.

As I will be dead, I really don't care.