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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder what kind of funeral you would like

127 replies

SylvieHortensis · 18/04/2021 08:53

I'm not a royalist but watched Prince Philip's funeral yesterday as I love a bit of British pomp and circumstance in the sunshine.

It got me thinking how much I hate 'normal' funerals - and I've been to a fair few including my parents.

What kind of send off would you like (if any)?

OP posts:
PiccallilliCircus · 18/04/2021 09:55

I'm having a direct cremation.

My plan is to get my body disposed of at the earliest convenience and leave a sizable sum with a relative to put behind a bar where people can come and remember me over a pint and packet of crisps. Maybe a buffet if I can stretch the budget. My ashes can be thrown anywhere, I don't care, I'll be dead! Grin

eaglejulesk · 18/04/2021 09:56

I don't want a funeral - a direct cremation will be fine. That's what I chose for my DM and my DF has already said that's what he wants also.

RedcurrantPuff · 18/04/2021 09:56

@Waxonwaxoff0

I don't want one. I want straight to cremation and everyone to go to the pub to celebrate my life. No service.
This, I don’t want one either. No scattering of ashes or keeping me in an urn on the mantle piece either. Direct cremation and the ashes to be binned.
AlternativePerspective · 18/04/2021 09:57

Direct cremation.

It always makes me a bit Hmm when they say “funerals are for the living.” IMO the living are welcome to do whatever they want, and can afford.

I have no desire to have some sad maudlin funeral, and really there is no need to have one, it’s not as if I’ll be there, so cart me off and then the rest is down to whatever budget they set for themselves.

And graves are depressing as fuck. No idea why anyone wants one in this day and age...

Mind you, we have a funeral place just opened up in my town, a big glitzy looking place with a price list in the window. Shock

SionnachRua · 18/04/2021 09:58

I'll be dead, doesn't matter. Do it cheaply and spend the money on a good party for the bereaved!

CupoTeap · 18/04/2021 09:58

I don't care/mind, however the D.C. want to deal with it fine by me.

Toddlerteaplease · 18/04/2021 09:59

I want a requiem mass, (RC) with the sentences by Croft as PP had. Always loved them. And the collect from the book of common prayer. My friends are under instruction that I will haunt them if I don't get it.

M0rT · 18/04/2021 09:59

I will probably have a Catholic service as I won't care and that will bring the comfort of familiarity to mourners, not bothered about burial or cremation will leave that up to my husband.
Cheapest coffin possible as I consider them a bit of a waste of money.
If it's non Covid times there will be a wake and a funeral afters.
A wake is technically where the coffin is brought back to the dead person's home the night before the funeral people come and say prayers over it and drink tea/alcohol and tell stories about them.
A few people usually stay up with the coffin all night.
The afters is a meal after the funeral service for anyone who came to the service, although usually only closer people and a few CF actually go.
These can turn into great parties in the right circumstances and I'd love if my funeral was one of them!
I think I will take a leaf out of a pp book and write some of this down.
I have already spoken to my sister about making sure decent photos of me are used and stopping my DHs tendency to sentimental white washing. I don't want to be remembered as a saint, because I'm not.
I'm a generally nice woman who has it in her to be a bitch at times!

YorkshirePuddingsGreatestFan · 18/04/2021 10:01

We did my Dad's funeral the wrong way round according to tradition. He went to a funeral about a year before he passed. They did the Church service, then the family were delayed at the crem, then got stuck in traffic. He said they spent a long time hanging around waiting in the church hall and some people left before the family came back. He said he didn't want that to happen at his, so it wanted it the wrong way round!

We did the crem first. It was open to all who wanted to come but only close family and friends went. That was a more sombre service. We had a service in the Church afterwards which was more a celebration of his life with many more people there. I stood up and told some funny stories about him which made people laugh. We went straight into the Church hall afterwards for a buffet. Many people came up to me and said things like "loved the story about..... it reminds of when......." I found it really comforting listening to other peoples tales of random memories about him.

I'd like that to happen when I go.

Tigger85 · 18/04/2021 10:11

Direct cremation or as cheap and simple as possible if direct cremation would upset those who are important to me. My only real request is for my ashes to be mixed with my baby boys ashes so we can be together again.

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 18/04/2021 10:12

The most important thing about my funeral (if any) is that it feels right for my Dc. So however they want to handle it at the time.

Hmmm, I have suddenly realised why people have funeral finance policies: it’s because any inheritance doesn’t come til months later, and a funeral needs to be paid for ‘now’.

Must make sure they have a pot of money available.

maddiemookins16mum · 18/04/2021 10:22

Cheap and cheerful. With some banging 80s tunes. No black and only one bunch of yellow roses from DH.

Thelnebriati · 18/04/2021 10:24

I'm not having a funeral. I've donated my body to science; specifically to the consultant who deals with my medical condition. I can't donate my organs any more so this is the next best thing.
If there's anything left over when he's finished, my remains are to be cremated and given a paupers burial.

Cocolapew · 18/04/2021 10:30

Donating any organs that can be used, cheapest coffin available and straight to the crematorium. I want my ashes spread at a local beauty spot.

ConnieCaterpillar70 · 18/04/2021 10:32

I've always loved the idea of a viking send off... put on a wooden boat then set fire to as you drift away.

Not an option though, sadly. So I've hinted to our DC that I want a direct cremation and just DH if he's still there, and our DC/GrandDC to bury the ashes somewhere of their choice.

Most of my family don't speak to me thanks to my darling golden child sister, so they can fuck off if they think they can stand and mourn me.

Tehmina23 · 18/04/2021 10:33

If I die too young I want a black carriage & black horses, everyone to wear black and look gothic & look miserable haha.

If I die in my 90s it will be a celebration of having lived so long. Although hopefully someone will be upset still.

ConnieCaterpillar70 · 18/04/2021 10:34

@RainingBatsAndFrogs your family can pay a funeral from your bank account or savings if you have the funds. It's the only thing you're allowed to pay for before probate is granted, we did this with FIL recently. You have to provide the death certificate etc but it's a fairly common process.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 18/04/2021 10:37

No fuss cremation.
And then being spread somewhere nice. I don't care where, just nice. I don't want to be in x place where people come and see my urn. My dh is here, but whole family is abroad so I want people to not feel like they must come and "visit".

Crustybreadandbutter · 18/04/2021 10:40

I also would like a mass, other than that I’d just not want people to fall out about anything and look out for my DC and DH.

Onlinedilema · 18/04/2021 10:42

Direct cremation for me too, as cheap as possible.
I would rather my nearest and dearest spent the money wisely and put it towards say a house deposit. Same for my parents and pils.
I can't see the point in spending thousands when we are hard up and would benefit from having the money to spend on other things.
I don't want to see pils hard earned cash spent on relatives enjoying themselves when quite frankly they don't give a fuck about them and don't do anything to help make their life more enjoyable whilst they are alive.
I suppose it's different if you are religious but dh and I are of the opinion that they're isn't an afterlife but quite frankly if gaining anyplace in Heaven (or what ever it is) is dependent on how much cash you spend at a funeral, then you can stick it up your backside.

Topseyt · 18/04/2021 10:42

Humanist funeral and cremation for me. No requirement for anyone to wear black if they don't want to.

I'll get round to suggestions for music at some point, but really my only stipulation is no dirges.

I've been to some different types of funeral, and all worked very well. Tailored to the person who had died. All types of music too from classical and church music to popular music. All lovely.

Piglet92 · 18/04/2021 10:47

None. I want to be cremated and spread in the garden. No big service just closest family there when my ashes are spread.

Everyday21 · 18/04/2021 10:49

A few small affair. I'd hope my organs were donated then I'd want a basic cremation and for my husband and dds (and their partners/kids if they have them) to take my ashes to a particular place and scatter them followed by a nice pub lunch. No wake or big thing with others. I'd hate for people to attend pretending they liked me and are grieving for me. Funerals make me cringe so much

Pyewackect · 18/04/2021 10:50

I’d definitely want a Land Rover. .

Proudboomer · 18/04/2021 10:50

My mum wants a direct cremation as as she says she is the last of her generation left so hardly anyone to invite.

My husband planned his own funeral. The route the cars took, the music, the readings and even where the wake was held. His ashes sit in a cupboard upstairs and when I die I will have a simple cheap funeral and leave enough money set aside for my children to take both sets of ashes to the place we met so we can be scattered together.
Lucky my husband was a patient man as I don’t indeed to die for a good few years yet.