To wonder what kind of funeral you would like

[SylvieHortensis]

I'm not a royalist but watched Prince Philip's funeral yesterday as I love a bit of British pomp and circumstance in the sunshine.

It got me thinking how much I hate 'normal' funerals - and I've been to a fair few including my parents.

What kind of send off would you like (if any)?

I found yesterday strange, it was incredibly personal and almost felt intrusive to be watching this grieving family... At such an intimate moment.

This is how I feel at every funeral I've been to, which is why I don't want my family to be 'watched' at a funeral for me. I want them to be able to grieve in private, then do something in my memory if they feel like it later on.

Actually my uncle's funeral, last year (just pre Covid lockdown) was low key but really nice.

It had fallen to my other uncle to organise as my dad was very ill at the time, so there was a service but nothing planned for afterwards.

A group of us - family and two of my uncle's (also my dad's) best mates ended up in a pub that they used to frequent when they were all in their twenties.

It's a Wetherspoons now and it was curry night, so we all had a curry and couple of pints and it lovely and really fitting, although I'm sure plenty would hoik their judge pants about it.

As someone who has arranged a few it's so much easier if the deceased has given some indication, particularly on their final resting place if that isn't obvious. I've got two sets of ashes at home waiting for final resting place (covid restrictions partly to blame).

Personally I'd like to be buried in woodland in a biodegradable coffin.

Interesting that Prince Philip is being stored in a vault, must have specialist embalming?

For my grandad we had a service type thing at a crematorium. But it was just my grandma, their children/children in law (my parents and aunts/uncles), and all grandchildren and it was just telling stories about my grandad. There was no person doing any “official” running of the service. My grandma went first with a kind of biography of his life, then other people just went with funny/favourite stories about him. And no one stood up at the front, the chairs were just gathered round in a circle, a couple of rows deep, and people just talked from where they were. It was lovely.

I hate funerals with a passion. I've only ever been to one that meant anything to me and that was a young friend who belonged to my pagan group who died of cancer. All the members of the group dressed him in his official regalia on the day and we carried him to the crematorium ourselves and said the words of our funeral rites all standing round his open coffin. We all put something personal in his coffin with him and kissed or touched him goodbye. It was very special. There was no fear of death there.
I've told my son I want no funeral. I want to be cremated without a service alone and then I want him to take me to a special place and scatter my ashes there along with the ages of my cats who have died to date. I have their ashes at home waiting.

I'm not having one.

Cremation - plain and simple. Scatter my ashes in the sea or hold onto them or throw them in the bin, it doesn't matter. I just don't wish to take unnecessary space by being buried in a coffin.

Also, none of those unnecessary procedures and my grieving family hosting people - unless they want to, then it's for them.

I don't mind much about the service, will expect something simple. My family usually go humanitarian but I have a favourite song which is religious, I wonder how to reconcile that?

I want a full Victorian style dress code though, all black and preferably with veils. There were some lovely black flouncy dresses in H&M that would do the trick.

And the ashes are to be sent up in a favourite place in a firework.

Cremation
Horse drawn cart pulled by a big beast of a Clydesdale.
Wicker casket
Simple secular service
Songs;
Less Than Jake - Look What Happened
My Chemical Romance - Famous Last Words.
Poem; She is gone by David Harkins

Ashes scattered ideally on skegness beach somewhere, but i don't k ow if that's allowed.

@TheOnlyKoiInAPondOfGoldfish

For those saying you want a humanist funeral - be aware that they have strict rules about not allowing anything even vaguely spiritual.

My DM chose a humanist funeral for my DDad and it was a bit of a nightmare tbh. There were a couple of poems we wanted that the humanist celebrant vetoed because they were too "spiritual" ( think those "don't grieve I'm only in the next room" type poems). She was very clear that humanist funerals were not allowed to have a spiritual content. A bit like not being allowed to mention God in a registry office wedding.

We found it quite restrictive. I wish we'd known more about it before we hired her. By the time we realised we were quite a way into the process. DM just wanted it to go without any arguments - so she just accepted what she'd been told and the rest of us had to go along with it.

That sounds like a particularly strict celebrant. I’ve never encountered that.

The humanist celebrant that done my Nana’s allowed a moment of reflection that was primarily to give the nuns in attendance (my nana was in a care home run by then) the chance to say a silent prayer.

Direct cremation, then my husband/son can do what they want with my ashes.

I want to be buried in a woodland burial site, with a tree planted above me.

Waste of money, don’t want a funeral at all, I will either donate my body or have a direct cremation. I’d much rather the thousands of pounds that would be wasted on a funeral is of benefit to my family. Have a family meal or something instead of a funeral, go for a day out doing something I would have enjoyed. Anything other than a copy and paste crematorium service.

I've found attending funerals very comforting, really lovely to see so many people who cared about the person who died, lovely to get together and be there for each other. Not having a wake for mil was definitely one of the worst parts of the pandemic restrictions. We've said we will get together when we can, but it won't be the same.

BTW you can have whatever you want at crematorium, look at good funeral guide for good directors and they can facilitate what you want and in budget.

Many people include David Bowie and body shop founder went for direct cremation and then family free to do something nice in memory after..

Oh and dress code, wear whatever the fuck you like. Have a massive party afterwards to celebrate my existence with as much drugs and alcohol as you fancy. 😂

You can do totally DIY, you can evening collect the body yourself from hospital!

I always wanted to be buried - cremations make me feel queasy - but DH was adamant he would come back and haunt me if I didn't have him cremated, and now since his funeral, I want to be reunited with him so I want my ashes scattered where his were, on the beach. I have also planned my funeral (DH's favourite pastime during his chemo was making plans, so I had a lot of time to think about it). I haven't finalised the music yet but have a long list that my DS and sister have access to so they can choose if I haven't narrowed it down by the time I go.

Cheapest coffin, humanist ceremony, celebration of life wake, wearing the dress DH bought me for his funeral.

My DM chose a humanist funeral for my DDad and it was a bit of a nightmare tbh. There were a couple of poems we wanted that the humanist celebrant vetoed because they were too "spiritual" ( think those "don't grieve I'm only in the next room" type poems). She was very clear that humanist funerals were not allowed to have a spiritual content

Sorry you had a bad experience. We had a humanist celebrant for my aunt's funeral and she suggested the very poem your celebrant vetoed.

I love the idea of sky burials and wish they were a thing here.
Its how nature intended dead bodies to be dealt with.
If only they could leave me on a mountain in Snowdonia for the buzzards and kites to deal with.
We might have to release a few lammergeiers though to deal with the bones.

I dont mind. Whatever comforts those left most. I appreciated the wakes i have been too very much. Taking to others and hearing stories.

You can do totally DIY, you can evening collect the body yourself from hospital!

Yes, my aunt was transported to the burial ground in a cardboard coffin in my cousin's estate car.

I'm another one planning a direct cremation and no funeral (although sky burial sounds great). I'd rather dd spends any money that I leave on herself rather than wasting it on my funeral; I'll be dead, I won't need a fancy coffin, flowers etc.

I've also found it extremely uncomfortable to eat and chat away when the grieving family are looking sombre and heartbroken. It just doesn't feel right for a grieving family to host guests, worrying about what to feed them and all the logistics.

But I've been to a few 'celebration of life' events, where it's more of a joyful occasion - with food, drinks, dancing and remembering the life of the one who died - than a catered event right after a burial ceremony. Now, THAT, my family can do if they want to, of course.

I would like my youngest sister to make and read eulogy. My dh to say something nice about me. No singing hymns or religious service. Cheap coffin and cremated. DH to turn my ashes into a diamond. If DH does before me I will turn his ashes I to diamond and wear around my neck. He wants s few of his ashes scattered off a cliff into sea 1 mile from where he was born.