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NDN - how she screams at her children

102 replies

PoppyWoods · 17/04/2021 18:12

I live in a semi. NDN are young couple with a 4 and 2 year old. I appreciate these ages can be difficult, stressful and tiring but on a daily basis we hear mum screaming at the top of her voice. She's not fussy who she screams at, could be her husband, kids or dog. Often we can't hear what the commotion is about and it's usually over in a few minutes.

Anyway today I was in our bathroom upstairs (our bathrooms are next to each other) windows open and I heard a commotion next door. It appears that the 4 year old wet herself and she was taking her to the bathroom to get cleaned up. She was screaming and calling her 'a stupid bitch' while the girl was wailing loudly.

But the thing that shocked me the most was that within 5 minutes I could hear the little girl in the bath giggling and laughing. Mum was playing with her and singing songs to her. The speed from screaming and wailing to giggling and singing was incredible.

AIBU to think its sad that this child is so used to being shouted at that she recovers so quickly? If anyone spoke to me that way it would take me ages to recover.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

MrsZola · 17/04/2021 18:18

This would worry me. The children won't know where they stand, what mood their mother will be in from one moment to the next - surely an abusive relationship? The child may have learned that giggling and laughing makes mummy happy when she behaves in a certain way.


EscapeDragon · 17/04/2021 18:18

The child is used to being screamed at and thinks it is normal. It is just part of everyday life to her, hence being able to recover from it so fast.

You still need to report the mother to the police though.


JesusInTheCabbageVan · 17/04/2021 18:19

You need to report this.


Aprilshowersandhail · 17/04/2021 18:21

This is recognised as abuse. Social services tonight op.. Those dc need you to do it.


username12345T · 17/04/2021 18:25

My next door neighbour was similar OP. I listened to her tell her children to fuck off and she would scream at them on a regular basis. They were playing in the garden and I heard her call them cunts and contacted child Social Services. They acted pretty quickly and there was a marked improvement.


Badyboo · 17/04/2021 18:25

I mean, she's not winning my personal Mother of the Year award, but shouting at your children isn't something you need to report to the police FFS.

giggling and laughing makes mummy happy

Or that the kid got shouted at, then it got sorted out, and she genuinely was happy?


MarcelinesMa · 17/04/2021 18:26

That must be really upsetting to listen to. FWIW I had a mum who screamed at me and my siblings and twatted us plenty of times over the years- proper wallops. When our mum was ready to “make up” with us you better believe we had to forgive, forget and move on them and there or we’d seriously regret it. We learnt that very young. Pre school age, Maybe this woman is same with her children.


RogersVideo · 17/04/2021 18:27

I was a bit like this when I had post natal depression, and my DD did seem to handle it really well. Maybe because to her, it was normal and she knew my anger would pass.

I don't know what the above posters think the police would do. I had a mental health team and as long as I wasn't going to off myself or the kids, they seemed tolerant of my poor parenting.


SnuggyBuggy · 17/04/2021 18:28

I'm a lot less judgemental of this after the past year. I think everyone loses their shit now and then but if it really is constant that's more concerning.


LittleLadyCece · 17/04/2021 18:34

Until I got to the part where she called her young child a stupid b!tch I thought maybe she had mental health issues but that crosses the line. How awful. I'd definitely report. Social services need to assist the mum from the sounds of it. We all lose it sometime but sounds like it's gone beyond that.


TabbyStar · 17/04/2021 18:38

It can be worse for kids to have the inconsistency because they never know where they are and will constantly be trying not to provoke it. It can cause lifelong mental health problems, as I know from my own experience of being inconsistently parented.


tolerable · 17/04/2021 18:39

stupid bitch is..excessive. however..........if shed yelled diddledumpling or sthin..
would you be concerned. id be more inclined to stick my neck out n say to her. I hear you swearing at your kids, try not to .


SnuggyBuggy · 17/04/2021 18:44

Calling them horrible names is concerning in of itself though.


ChocolateBarry · 17/04/2021 18:55

Yeah, calling a child a stupid bitch is not okay...


Ireolu · 17/04/2021 18:58

My daughter is four and goes from crying and being generally upset for instance today because she got told she needed to tidy her toys to happy and giggly because she got to help take the zipper down on my dress. She felt like a big girl. I wouldn't report but suggest you speak to her about the yelling and swearing. Offer support basically.


PoppyWoods · 17/04/2021 19:00

I don't know whether to get involved, or even how to.

Like I said most of the time we can't hear anything specific, just outbursts of yelling which are over quickly.

They seem a nice family. Both professionals, kids look well looked after. We often have a chat outside. It's very strange because when I chat to her she's got this girly soft voice, but when she kicks off sounds like a fish wife.

Not sure what to do, if indeed anything.

OP posts:

SnuggyBuggy · 17/04/2021 19:03

If you aren't involved already there's only so much you can do. A lot of parents of small children have lost their usual support or coping strategies and this is often the result. Social services must be so stretched with this.


earsup · 17/04/2021 19:10

we reported family opposite years ago...3 children all with adhd etc...everyday they would be fed mc donalds and kebabs and fizzy drinks and all we heard the mother say was '' fucking shut up...f sit down...f eat it...'...things improved after social visited etc now they sold up and moved on.


Thelikelylass · 17/04/2021 19:11

OP - I have agonised over this issue too. My NDN is the same, I have shouted at the top of my voice through the wall that she is abusive when she starts to scream - and I mean scream, the loudest shriek ever it is incredible to hear. She speaks to her two children in such a terrible way - she called one the worst child in the world, she belittles them and I had my colleague on the phone. She could hear the screaming. He is a complete spineless fucker, we hear him say 'don't talk to them like that'
They are both professionals - I did ring social services for advice and they took details. I hate her for the way she speaks to the kids, and I know the neighbour next door can hear her as we have discussed it. It is almost the exact scenario you describe only we shun them because we loathe them.


bloodywhitecat · 17/04/2021 19:15

Some adults underestimate the power of words on small children, if this was a woman being screamed at by her partner every day would you be advising her to leave? Children don't have the ability to leave an emotionally abusive situation so yes, I would do something about it.


TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 17/04/2021 19:22

Calling them stupid is quite bad, but using the word bitch is definitely abusive. The young girl will also probably grow up to use delightful words like that. I feel sorry for those kids and agree they likely need social services involvement.


Landlubber2019 · 17/04/2021 19:27

I reported my neighbour for similar, lovely, chatty and great neighbours but the constant shouting at their kids, then changed to name calling similar to stupid bitch crossed a line. It's emotional abuse which I reported to ss. I don't have a relationship with them but I needed to be an advocate for the child because it simply wasn't rightSad


Danni91 · 17/04/2021 19:54

If you normally just hear raised voices or sproadic shouting can you really be 100% certain the words used were 'stupid bitch' without doubt?

I ask because you normally just hear commotion thats over & done but just because window was open you heard the words and the reasoning?

Obviously its absolutely not ok to call her that, ever. But on the other hand we can all easily hear different things when listening out, and sometimes the temper/attitude can distort what we do believe we hear.

I feel awful that the kid could be verbally abused like that but giggling only minutes later. I suppose at 4 she wouldnt understand the words, more the shouting.

I dont know, its hard to call over the internet i guess.

Is she otherwise a nice mum/neighbour?

You said you heard her singing is that often after a tantrum? I often find a wind the bobbin up gets my 2 yr old up from the floor pretty quick to join in!


Imreaaaaady · 17/04/2021 20:07

Yeah social services need to know about this.


JesusInTheCabbageVan · 17/04/2021 20:07


I mean, she's not winning my personal Mother of the Year award, but shouting at your children isn't something you need to report to the police FFS.

giggling and laughing makes mummy happy

Or that the kid got shouted at, then it got sorted out, and she genuinely was happy?

The mum called the 4yo a stupid bitch. Hopefully you realise that's abusive?
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