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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my dog bark for an extra half hour even though the neighbour was already annoyed

484 replies

Candlestand · 17/04/2021 06:16

I have 2 dogs, DH usually takes them to work so Mon-Fri they're never here during the day. Due to a bit of excess faffing yesterday morning he forgot them. Normally he puts them in the dog box in the car and sorts out DD and they all head off to nursery then work but somehow yesterday he just forgot he hadn't already put them in the car and I got a text from DH to tell me the dogs were still in the garden. Fine. I'm up in my office, WFH, the back door is open as it was such a nice day, they can mooch in and out as they please and we'll just walk them tonight instead.
I work for the local authority and we've had a nasty incident occur with a safeguarding issue for a child and I was part of back to back meetings so I never even went down for a cup of tea. I'm then in a meeting that I have been volunteered as minute taker for and there are over 20 people in this meeting and that's when my neighbour starts banging on my door. Initially I ignore him thinking it's a delivery and I can't leave this meeting but he is now practically pounding my door down so I race to the other room to open the window to ask them to go away whatever it is and he starts swearing that the dogs are barking and its really annoying. I shout down that I'm sorry but I'm in a meeting and I will sort them out as soon as I'm out of it. I can see he's furious and he storms off still swearing but the meeting is still going on without me and I have to be in it. I'm now vaguely aware that my younger dog is barking because it's been brought to my attention but honestly I just hadn't noticed before because it had been such a busy morning so I don't know how long they had been barking for. I didn't want to disrupt the meeting by asking for a break because there was a lot going on in it and we were, I hoped, almost finished but it turned out we were still going half an hour later before the meeting actually finished and because I'm now aware of it I can hear the dog still barking on and off for that time.
The thing is, we have a big garden and they don't come in when called straight away because it becomes a game to them so although me being out in the garden with them stopped the barking it takes me over 5 minutes to get them to come into the house (which I knew it would and why I didn't want to stop in the middle of a very large meeting to chase around my garden for ages). I appreciate it must have been annoying and I could see my neighbours over our fence so when I could go get them I apologised properly and tried to explain that I couldn't leave the meeting to come and get them and they were furious with me and said I was ruining their day. They are retired and are always in their garden. My dog was actually barking at their dog who was sat with them and my little dog could smell him, the older one wasn't actually barking. I tried to explain that he was just excited by their dog and if they had taken their dog in, he would have stopped barking but this just made them angrier (I meant it to try and break the tension as a discussion rather than a criticism of them, though clearly I misjudged how to say that) as they said why shouldn't their dog be allowed outside when he's being well behaved. I apologised again and just got back to chasing the dogs into the house and went back to work.

I appreciate it was annoying but I'm not sure they needed to be quite so angry. It was the middle of the day, this never normally happens at all because the dogs are not here during the week and at the weekend we're both able to be much more atuned to them if one of them starts barking at another dog or a squirrel or something and it has never been an issue before. We live rurally so other than the house on the other side of our neighbours theres no one else to be upset by the barking.
WIBU to put work before my neighbours enjoyment of their garden for half an hour?

OP posts:
BillyTodd · 17/04/2021 15:54

@Grumblesigh

The only thing you should do differently is to never, ever post about a dog on Mumsnet.

On here, if your dog is not actively pulling a drowning child from a river, then they are a menace to society.

How true this is!

OP - I hope you go get a cup of tea and switch off mumsnet for a bit. It can get a bit intense in here.

As an aside, dog trainers know that there are lots of people going back to work having been at home a lot more. The internet is full of people who can help you to help your dogs to transition to life with you working. personally I'd keep a few kongs stuffed with something nice in the freezer, and they can have those when you want them to settle while you're working.

I hope you're doing okay. Flowers

babyt2020 · 17/04/2021 15:57

I think your neighbours were being a bit dramatic and that you're getting a bit of an unecessary bashing!!

DaphneDuBois · 17/04/2021 17:06

My dogs never bark inside or outside for half an hour! I WFH and literally never ever ever do I let them sit and annoy neighbours for so long! I can’t believe you were on another floor of the house with your back door open and the dogs were in the garden and you had no idea about what they were up to, whether they were barking, when they started etc. Did you not give them chews or something to occupy them? You just left them to their own devices without checking on them so YABU.

BackAwayFatty · 17/04/2021 17:14

Sounds like your job was more important at that time than the dogs inconveniencing your neighbour. It was also a one off! Don't beat yourself up.

Sounds like a bottle of wine for the neighbour is a good idea!

You could work on the recall of your dogs for future situations when you need them to come in?

Sometimeswinning · 17/04/2021 19:28

Ah op! Most normal people are on your side. We've all got it wrong, annoyed our neighbours at some/most points. Those saying you can't care for your dogs are jumping on some bandwagon.

DenisetheMenace · 17/04/2021 19:40

Twirl96

“ It’s fine for kids to scream in gardens ... “

No, it isn’t.

“but a dog can’t bark”.

We chose to have a dog, our neighbours didn’t. So we trained her.

PoppenhuisStories · 17/04/2021 19:51

Jeez, a dog barking in the garden as an isolated incident... sorry, I really can’t see they big deal. I think your neighbours ABU. I don’t get all the hate on this thread at all.

worried3012 · 17/04/2021 20:12

You've got to take AIBU with a lunch of salt. Most people got OTT with their responses.

At the end of the day, yes I can see why your neighbours were so annoyed but you apologised and explained. If it doesn't happen again then everyone should move on. It was a one off like you said.

Yes you may now need to look into plan B in case this happens again (which it probably will). That's all. Not that big a drama.

Ofallthethings · 17/04/2021 20:17

The neighbours are being unreasonable, it was a one off incident. God my neighbours dog barks all the time I just block it out! They need to be more tolerant, they are being very precious.

Magnificentmug12 · 17/04/2021 20:18

Getting a dog in from a back garden is super easy! Never heard of a treat before? Dogs love carrots, show the carrot and call the em in, close the door then give them the treat, don’t even step outside the door.

Ohdobequiet · 17/04/2021 20:52

What’s your dh say about all this?
Some keyboard warriors out in force on this thread...

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 17/04/2021 20:56

God you sound like a nightmare to live next to! I've lived near people who let their dog bark constantly, it's total torture, and they didn't care either.

Not a dog owner so don't k ow if this is OK but unless your DH works on a farm or green space it feels mean to take dogs to work with him all day? Are they in the car the whole time?

WingingItSince1973 · 17/04/2021 23:04

Hope you OK OP. Just read the whole thread and can't believe the responses on here. Some I would class as keyboard bullying! Honestly just move on from it. It will all seem so less important in a few days. I guess you're upset at the venom from some people. I think being in a child safeguarding meeting does trump your dogs annoying your neighbours in a one off incident. Having been in a few child protection meetings myself its not really the time and place to ask for a break for something that isn't life threatening. Yes barking dogs are annoying. We have them around us. I too have 2 dogs, one is a yapper at anything so I do bring her in from the garden but I appreciate this was just bad circumstances. Take care and enjoy the rest of your weekend xxx

PinkPomeranian · 18/04/2021 01:28

Hope you're OK, OP.

FWIW, I'm not convinced YWBU on this one-off occasion. Accidents happen, you weren't prepared for the dogs to be at home so hadn't planned for it and your focus was on a stressful day ahead. If I were your neighbours I would also be annoyed by prolonged barking but would accept an apology and reassurances that it wouldn't become a habit. No need to fall out with anyone or rehome your pets!

If you and your husband (as he forgot the dogs) pop round with an apology and a bottle of wine, I'd draw a line under it.

SeaWitchly · 18/04/2021 02:06

I am amazed at the posters saying you handled this badly. IMO your neighbours were rude and borderline aggressive. Yes, it would be very annoying if your dog barked all day, every day, but this sounds like a one of. Your neighbours need to be more tolerant if they wish to live next door to others Make sure you bang on their door to complain when they are using their whipper snipper or have their tv on loud so they can listen to the news.

memberofthewedding · 18/04/2021 03:35

I find it difficult to understand the vilification of OP on this thread.

She has made it clear that the incident was a one off and that the dogs are not usually left to bark and annoy the needy neighbours. If it had been a regular happening I could have understood their anger but god forbid that their time in the garden should be spoiled for once. This was an important business meeting and I would certainly put that before an effing whingeing NDN.

She has apologised and now they should wind their necks in. If it was anyones' fault it was DH who failed to take the dogs with
him.

Bloody neighbours, I hate the things.

MyOtherProfile · 18/04/2021 07:25

If OP had said the meeting she was in was to discuss some mundane business issue would you think it's ok to ask for a comfort break?
Because OP mentioned CP people view it as uninterruptible. It's not. OP wasn't being an emergency service at that point. They were discussing the issue, not swooping in and rescuing a child in imminent danger. I'm sure it was very important but it wasn't urgent to the point where a 5 min comfort break would have changed the outcome.

minniemomo · 18/04/2021 07:28

It's so annoying having dogs bark. You need to train them not to bark at the neighbours and to come immediately when called. I've had dogs and the minute they start barking (unless a genuine reason) in he comes, they learn quickly.

RachelRavenRoth · 18/04/2021 07:31

As an aside, dog trainers know that there are lots of people going back to work having been at home a lot more. The internet is full of people who can help you to help your dogs to transition to life with you working. personally I'd keep a few kongs stuffed with something nice in the freezer, and they can have those when you want them to settle while you're working.

Thats a Good point. There are lots of webinars being advertised atm.

HikeForward · 18/04/2021 09:52

I have a dog on one side of me that barks alllll day and night. On the other side,children and a small baby that scream allll day and night

You can’t really compare a screaming baby to dogs that bark day and night, or older children who scream all day.

Babies often cry inconsolably for hours due to colic, teething, reflux etc. Often parents are doing everything they can to soothe and comfort their screaming baby and nothing works until baby falls asleep or the colic passes (I’ve been there, rocking and cuddling my screaming baby for hours feeling utterly helpless and praying the neighbours understand). Babies tend to grow out of it after a few weeks/months so it’s a temporary situation.

Older children screaming for hours is unnecessary and irritating, because they’re old enough to know it annoys neighbours (and spoils others enjoyment of their homes and gardens). Parents have the option of bringing them indoors or enforcing rules such as ‘no screaming on the trampoline’. I don’t know any parents who allow their older children to scream in the garden all day. I’ve taught mine screaming is for emergencies only and they get reprimanded if they forget! I’m also aware next door like to practice yoga on their lawn each morning so we keep noise to a minimum during their yoga hour.

A dog barking day and night would make me concerned for it’s welfare. Is it neglected, ill, hungry, injured? Or do the owners not care enough to train it out of incessant barking? A constantly barking dog is unacceptable in residential areas.

Saltyslug · 18/04/2021 10:20

Apologise and plan to check the dogs are in before starting work.

CandyLeBonBon · 18/04/2021 11:39

Older children screaming for hours is unnecessary and irritating, because they’re old enough to know it annoys neighbours (and spoils others enjoyment of their homes and gardens). Parents have the option of bringing them indoors or enforcing rules such as ‘no screaming on the trampoline’. I don’t know any parents who allow their older children to scream in the garden all day.

I wish you'd tell that to my neighbours; barky dog and high pitched screaming most of the day, for most of the days. Nice people but lots of very jarring noise, making garden time a bit of a gritted-teeth affair.

Macncheeseballs · 18/04/2021 11:42

It's not the dog barking so much or that it was a one off, it's the entitled 'my job is so important' attitude. You chose that job, you chose your dogs, you chose your lifestyle, don't blame it on 'not my choice to wfh' bs. Own your choices.

Loubilou09 · 18/04/2021 11:49

What a long winded, dragged out excuse of a post.

You were out of order and you know you were and no amount of "very important meeting" shite will cut it

TheWitchCirce · 18/04/2021 11:52

For me, the point it went catastrophically wrong was when you suggested that they should have taken their dog inside, to stop your dogs from barking. At no point should you have tried to turn this around, onto them. But I think you know that.

Bottle of wine/chocolates to apologies?