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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my dog bark for an extra half hour even though the neighbour was already annoyed

484 replies

Candlestand · 17/04/2021 06:16

I have 2 dogs, DH usually takes them to work so Mon-Fri they're never here during the day. Due to a bit of excess faffing yesterday morning he forgot them. Normally he puts them in the dog box in the car and sorts out DD and they all head off to nursery then work but somehow yesterday he just forgot he hadn't already put them in the car and I got a text from DH to tell me the dogs were still in the garden. Fine. I'm up in my office, WFH, the back door is open as it was such a nice day, they can mooch in and out as they please and we'll just walk them tonight instead.
I work for the local authority and we've had a nasty incident occur with a safeguarding issue for a child and I was part of back to back meetings so I never even went down for a cup of tea. I'm then in a meeting that I have been volunteered as minute taker for and there are over 20 people in this meeting and that's when my neighbour starts banging on my door. Initially I ignore him thinking it's a delivery and I can't leave this meeting but he is now practically pounding my door down so I race to the other room to open the window to ask them to go away whatever it is and he starts swearing that the dogs are barking and its really annoying. I shout down that I'm sorry but I'm in a meeting and I will sort them out as soon as I'm out of it. I can see he's furious and he storms off still swearing but the meeting is still going on without me and I have to be in it. I'm now vaguely aware that my younger dog is barking because it's been brought to my attention but honestly I just hadn't noticed before because it had been such a busy morning so I don't know how long they had been barking for. I didn't want to disrupt the meeting by asking for a break because there was a lot going on in it and we were, I hoped, almost finished but it turned out we were still going half an hour later before the meeting actually finished and because I'm now aware of it I can hear the dog still barking on and off for that time.
The thing is, we have a big garden and they don't come in when called straight away because it becomes a game to them so although me being out in the garden with them stopped the barking it takes me over 5 minutes to get them to come into the house (which I knew it would and why I didn't want to stop in the middle of a very large meeting to chase around my garden for ages). I appreciate it must have been annoying and I could see my neighbours over our fence so when I could go get them I apologised properly and tried to explain that I couldn't leave the meeting to come and get them and they were furious with me and said I was ruining their day. They are retired and are always in their garden. My dog was actually barking at their dog who was sat with them and my little dog could smell him, the older one wasn't actually barking. I tried to explain that he was just excited by their dog and if they had taken their dog in, he would have stopped barking but this just made them angrier (I meant it to try and break the tension as a discussion rather than a criticism of them, though clearly I misjudged how to say that) as they said why shouldn't their dog be allowed outside when he's being well behaved. I apologised again and just got back to chasing the dogs into the house and went back to work.

I appreciate it was annoying but I'm not sure they needed to be quite so angry. It was the middle of the day, this never normally happens at all because the dogs are not here during the week and at the weekend we're both able to be much more atuned to them if one of them starts barking at another dog or a squirrel or something and it has never been an issue before. We live rurally so other than the house on the other side of our neighbours theres no one else to be upset by the barking.
WIBU to put work before my neighbours enjoyment of their garden for half an hour?

OP posts:
beginningoftheend · 17/04/2021 06:42

[quote Candlestand]@Creepygnochi I don't normally have them. They're never normally here during the day when I'm working.
Fine to say I'm being unreasonable, I've apologised, what more can I do? (Genuine question)
But to say I shouldn't have dogs or my dogs are ferral is unfair. He's only just over a year old and has found his voice since we moved here from a much smaller garden because there's lots of exciting things to bark at and they like to play chase in the garden because that's what we normally do. It's never normally a problem and yesterday was the first day it has ever been an issue. He stopped barking as soon as I went in the garden so I can stop him barking by being with him but I can't be with him in the garden and be in work.[/quote]
This sounds a very annoying dog to live next door to. I think you're downplaying how annoying you're being in general.

Tirathisyou · 17/04/2021 06:42

It sounds like you were upstairs in 'back to back' meetings for a while. Sort the dogs out first, it is bloody annoying to have to listen to dogs barking for ages.

Angrypregnantlady · 17/04/2021 06:43

Yeah you are definitely unreasonable.
Your dogs shouldn't be outside if you can't supervise. Just like if you were out at work.

You ignored them barking, then after being told, left them barking even longer.

But the cherry on top of the cake? You told him that if he doesn't want your dogs barking in the garden then he should shut HIS dog inside.

PurpleFlower1983 · 17/04/2021 06:43

You need to care for your dogs better.

Notapheasantplucker · 17/04/2021 06:43

YABU. It's your attitude about it as well which is annoying. You're fully in the wrong, you need to train your dogs and take more responsibility.

MerryDecembermas · 17/04/2021 06:46

It's not normal to have to chase a dog around the garden to get them to come inside Confused

I'm sorry but YABVVU. If you can't look after the dogs properly on your own then you needed to have told DH to come back for them.

MusicWithRocksIn1t · 17/04/2021 06:47

They are over reacting.

Am I right in thinking it was intimitant barking? So the odd bout on and off for 30 minutes?
It wasn't you who left them there and yet you got the blame which is a shame.
30 minutes of on and off barking ruined their day? What drama llamas.
You do need to train them to come when called though.

Stuffin · 17/04/2021 06:48

You handled the situation very badly, didn't apologise and deal with the situation and then tried to blame them for being outside with their dog who wasn't barking.

This is a lesson in how to get your neighbours backs up. Hope you don't want any favours from them in future and expect them now to complain every time your dogs bark.

Sinner10 · 17/04/2021 06:48

Perfect mumsnet again, no one does anything wrong and they all have perfect well behaved dogs!

You didn’t handle it great but it’s just one of them things, it’s done now.

Original poster
Candlestand · 17/04/2021 06:49

I didn't mean to tell them to put their dog inside. That was clumsy and just very poorly worded on my side. I was trying to diffuse the tension because they were so angry at me and trying to turn it around into a chat about the dogs but because I was feeling very stressed I just worded it all badly.
I appreciate I was unreasonable. I will go round with a bottle of wine later this morning. I don't normally have to deal with the dogs during the day and it was a particularly stressful day at work that I just didn't think about them or that they might bark whilst the neighbours were in their garden. I never even saw the dogs. By the time I knew they were even at home I was already in the thick of it for the day. But I have learnt now, dogs in the garden and me at work do not mix and I will apologise again and learn from yesterday.

But I do think anyone saying I shouldn't have animals is being far too harsh. These were unusual circumstances and a one off. I will not allow it to happen again.

OP posts:
Creepygnochi · 17/04/2021 06:52

I don't think you need to go around with a bottle of wine/flowers/chocolate/whatever other bullshit mn likes to sprout. It's over and done with. Just reflect on what you can do to handle it more efficiently in the future.

And for the love of God, get your dogs trained. I know it's hard if he's only a baby because doggy preschools have been cancelled this year, but they're reopening now. Make that a priority.

MiddleParking · 17/04/2021 06:54

It sounds like you and DH are both just quite bad at having dogs, and at having neighbours!! He forgets to take them with him (how does that happen and aren’t you worried he’ll do it with the child one day?!), you struggle to get them to come in from your garden...also, the question at the end of your post is ‘WIBU to put work before my neighbours enjoyment of their garden for half an hour?’ but the post actually suggests that it was an unknown period of time for which you didn’t even notice the dog was barking (again, this seems like quite a concerning trait in a dog owner), but was long enough to get the neighbour to come round annoyed, then half an hour on top of that. Then you follow that up with saying they should have taken their well behaved dog inside instead. They do sound a bit inflexible but you basically did the opposite of everything you should have done.

BonnieDundee · 17/04/2021 06:54

Dogs barking in the middle of the day is hardly a cardinal offence. Some people just have no tolerance.

OP said she wasn't aware of the dogs barking until it was pointed out. I highly doubt it was only 30 mins. Im guessing if.the neighbour was at.the.swearing stage, they'd probably been putting up with it for ages before they complained.

Agree that you should train your dogs to come inside when you say.

How secure are your dogs in your garden when you are not watching them? Round here there have been numerous dogs stolen from gardens. i wouldnt leave one unsupervised in a garden atm

OverTheRainbow88 · 17/04/2021 06:55

lol people are being obtuse and ridiculous.

It was a one off mistake, I would verbally apologise then not think about it again.

custardbear · 17/04/2021 06:56

You need to learn and teach your dogs to
Come to command, and stop barking. If you're going into a meeting then sort the dogs out first

If you're minute taking you should record the meeting then delete if controversial issues post note writing up or record on your phone if you need to get away and sort out a problem - then you've got the information recorded to go back to

Your neighbour and other neighbours may also be working from home and thoroughly distracted by barking dogs - let them out foe 5-10 mins of barking - fine - get the neighbour so wound up they bang in your door, then leave them another half hour is dreadful behaviour on your part

MaMaD1990 · 17/04/2021 06:56

Wow you're getting a lot of unnecessary heat here OP. It was a one off and you were stressed - a slight mistake mentioning the neighbours dog but I think you've understood that now. For me, I think your neighbours reaction was OTT - barking dogs are annoying but this isn't a regular occurrence and you have apologised (albeit not very well). A bottle of wine to mend bridges is a good idea and maybe next time go and get the dogs inside early if they're at home with you again whilst your working. I wouldn't fret too much, this isn't the crime of the century.

SmallPrawnEnergy · 17/04/2021 06:57

No one has a perfect dog but we recognise that when we have a barky dog we don’t leave it to cause others stress by barking for 30 minutes unattended.

You wouldn’t leave kids screaming their lungs out in the garden while the neighbours suffered u less you we’re a bad parent either.

Yes it happened, there’s no point thinking too much about the details but you do need to apologise op. The bollocks on you to suggest the neighbours take in their dog though.... in future don’t allow this to happen, simple as. If you can’t be present to recall your dogs when they do start barking don’t let them outside. You’ve made a mistake and hopefully will learn from it. Work on recalling the dogs too it’ll make your life easier in the long run.

SavingsQuestions · 17/04/2021 06:57

It's not just 30mins though either is it. It was 30 mins after being asked to bring themcin. Which was after however long of barking it took for neighbours to complain.

Must be a reasonably big house. What were you thinking letting dogs run outside all morning etc when you couldn't supervise or hear them. Why not sit downstairs near them as suggested before.

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 17/04/2021 06:58

YABVU and totally selfish. I was trying to work in my garden yesterday when a neighbour’s large dog had been left in the garden whilst they were out. It howled continuously and I ended up having to go inside. Dogs are a commitment, if you aren’t committed to looking after them don’t have them!

Sleepingdogs12 · 17/04/2021 06:59

It sounds like one of those things , annoying for your neighbour and needed an apology but you'd hope everyone would just move on. Clumsy to say it was their dog's fault,
that was never going to go down well. I think the issue is your dogs are not responsive to you and so you felt you just couldn't nip away from the meeting to sort it out. I find people on virtual meetings are usually forgiving of a really quick break as there are interruptions at home. If you really couldn't take a quick break you needed to get your dogs sorted before the meetings started. But we live and learn .

emilyfrost · 17/04/2021 06:59

YABVU. You should have brought them in straight away.

Peacocking · 17/04/2021 06:59

Everything has to happen for a first time before anyone can know its a thing! Can the fence be blocked so the dogs can't see through it, that might be an easy win for the future and I'm sure you'd prefer screening so they can't glare at you through the fence :) I'm sure you'll be paranoid now so it's very unlikely to happen again. If a one off barking episode has annoyed your neighbours this much, they need to find more to do. They'd be justified if it was regular, but a one off during the daytime? It's a bit (lot) of an over reaction. Don't apologise too much...

Original poster
Candlestand · 17/04/2021 07:00

@MiddleParking he has a pick up truck, the dogs go in a box on the back of the truck. He's never forgotten them before, I don't entirely understand how he did it, he just did. He thought he'd already put them in by the time he was getting DD in the car but he can't see them in the box when he's in the car with DD.

OP posts:
OolieMacdoolie · 17/04/2021 07:00

Look, it wasn’t handled brilliantly but it was a one off. Your neighbours were a little OTT, but there was fault on your part too. I would try not let it happen again any move on. Some PPs are overreacting saying you don’t look after your pets on the basis of one incident.

It does sound like there are discipline issues generally with the dogs, however - now that we’re coming out of lockdown some training and socialisation classes might do them some good.

SnowyPetals · 17/04/2021 07:00

The thing is, it probably wasn't only those neighbours who were annoyed and disturbed. If I was on essential work calls and there was a bloody dog yapping for over half an hour I'd be royally pissed off with you too. Other neighbours might also have had important work from home. Sort your animals out!