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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To let my dog bark for an extra half hour even though the neighbour was already annoyed

484 replies

Candlestand · 17/04/2021 06:16

I have 2 dogs, DH usually takes them to work so Mon-Fri they're never here during the day. Due to a bit of excess faffing yesterday morning he forgot them. Normally he puts them in the dog box in the car and sorts out DD and they all head off to nursery then work but somehow yesterday he just forgot he hadn't already put them in the car and I got a text from DH to tell me the dogs were still in the garden. Fine. I'm up in my office, WFH, the back door is open as it was such a nice day, they can mooch in and out as they please and we'll just walk them tonight instead.
I work for the local authority and we've had a nasty incident occur with a safeguarding issue for a child and I was part of back to back meetings so I never even went down for a cup of tea. I'm then in a meeting that I have been volunteered as minute taker for and there are over 20 people in this meeting and that's when my neighbour starts banging on my door. Initially I ignore him thinking it's a delivery and I can't leave this meeting but he is now practically pounding my door down so I race to the other room to open the window to ask them to go away whatever it is and he starts swearing that the dogs are barking and its really annoying. I shout down that I'm sorry but I'm in a meeting and I will sort them out as soon as I'm out of it. I can see he's furious and he storms off still swearing but the meeting is still going on without me and I have to be in it. I'm now vaguely aware that my younger dog is barking because it's been brought to my attention but honestly I just hadn't noticed before because it had been such a busy morning so I don't know how long they had been barking for. I didn't want to disrupt the meeting by asking for a break because there was a lot going on in it and we were, I hoped, almost finished but it turned out we were still going half an hour later before the meeting actually finished and because I'm now aware of it I can hear the dog still barking on and off for that time.
The thing is, we have a big garden and they don't come in when called straight away because it becomes a game to them so although me being out in the garden with them stopped the barking it takes me over 5 minutes to get them to come into the house (which I knew it would and why I didn't want to stop in the middle of a very large meeting to chase around my garden for ages). I appreciate it must have been annoying and I could see my neighbours over our fence so when I could go get them I apologised properly and tried to explain that I couldn't leave the meeting to come and get them and they were furious with me and said I was ruining their day. They are retired and are always in their garden. My dog was actually barking at their dog who was sat with them and my little dog could smell him, the older one wasn't actually barking. I tried to explain that he was just excited by their dog and if they had taken their dog in, he would have stopped barking but this just made them angrier (I meant it to try and break the tension as a discussion rather than a criticism of them, though clearly I misjudged how to say that) as they said why shouldn't their dog be allowed outside when he's being well behaved. I apologised again and just got back to chasing the dogs into the house and went back to work.

I appreciate it was annoying but I'm not sure they needed to be quite so angry. It was the middle of the day, this never normally happens at all because the dogs are not here during the week and at the weekend we're both able to be much more atuned to them if one of them starts barking at another dog or a squirrel or something and it has never been an issue before. We live rurally so other than the house on the other side of our neighbours theres no one else to be upset by the barking.
WIBU to put work before my neighbours enjoyment of their garden for half an hour?

OP posts:
HikeForward · 17/04/2021 09:35

You shouldn’t have let the dogs out if one is prone to barking (and you were too busy to hear or bring him in).

Before letting them into the garden unsupervised they should be trained not to bark at dogs next door. If neighbour had a visitor with a dog and yours wouldn’t stop barking through the fence that must have been very annoying!

I’m surprised he didn’t get the hosepipe out if you weren’t answering the door or attending to your barking dog.

He probably couldn’t hear over the racket or his visitor’s dog was scared!

WorraLiberty · 17/04/2021 09:35

Doubt it given that the neighbours are retired.

How does that mean the neighbours can't be in a meeting?

I know retired people who are busier now doing voluntary work, than they were when doing paid work.

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 17/04/2021 09:36

Good grief, they sound like neighbours who would complain if you had a baby who had colic and wouldn't stop crying at night. This has happened ONCE, it's not a consistent thing, it was the middle of the day, I actually think your neighbours are completely unreasonable in the circumstances.

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 17/04/2021 09:36

@Candlestand

I'll get rid of the dogs. It's the only way. People are right.
Seriously?
Lockheart · 17/04/2021 09:38

@WorraLiberty

Doubt it given that the neighbours are retired.

How does that mean the neighbours can't be in a meeting?

I know retired people who are busier now doing voluntary work, than they were when doing paid work.

I didn't say they couldn't, I said I doubted it. I would bet quite a bit of money that they weren't in a meeting at that particular time.
RachelRavenRoth · 17/04/2021 09:38

Doubt it given that the neighbours are retired.

That’s a bit of an assumption. My MIL is retired and in her 70’s, but she will still have important meetings relating to her volunteer roles, chairperson for an organisation, school governor... And she also occasionally does paid work relating to her field.

Livelovebehappy · 17/04/2021 09:38

Take care of your dogs. If you can’t be around to supervise them, then you shouldn’t have them. Simple.

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 17/04/2021 09:39

Blush Sorry, hadn't read the OP's other posts, missed the sarcasm.

SoupDragon · 17/04/2021 09:39

I will go round with a bottle of wine later this morning

No, go round with a sincere apology.

Next door have a yappy dog which has a really horrible bark (they agree!). My dog stands mutely at the fence, wagging his tail, whilst this dog barks and barks and basically goes nuts. Yes, it's annoying, but
I know they are trying their best to train him to stop and that makes all the difference. I mean, it's not working but at least they are trying!

I tried to train them but what can I do when working full time?

You don't work 24/7.

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 17/04/2021 09:40

Having said that, last summer I was fuming at our opposite neighbour who was trimming his hedge with an electric trimmer while I was trying to work.
It went on for about an hour (long, high hedges) while I was having difficult conversations with distressed people, but what could I do? 🤷‍♀️

It doesn't help at your end but for the people on the other end it can help if you use noise suppressing software.
There are some very good ones available and they are effective across a wide range of environmental noise (like barking dogs, vacuum cleaners, children, fire engines).

Lockheart · 17/04/2021 09:41

@RachelRavenRoth

Doubt it given that the neighbours are retired.

That’s a bit of an assumption. My MIL is retired and in her 70’s, but she will still have important meetings relating to her volunteer roles, chairperson for an organisation, school governor... And she also occasionally does paid work relating to her field.

The neighbours were both in their garden as a couple with their dog and made no mention of a meeting to OP.

If you were a betting woman, what do you think the odds would be of them being in a meeting at the time of this incident?

thecatsabsentcojones · 17/04/2021 09:42

Getting rid of the dogs is incredibly extreme. I doubt your neighbours would think that was a good move either if they love dogs too.

My neighbours have dogs that are out a lot, one of whom is really yappy, my dogs are laidback and quiet. It’s a breed thing. I might swear to myself about the dog next door but it’s nothing that’s intolerable. Your dogs are usually out all day, so it’s not a continual problem. I think that people are very intolerant and quite entitled nowadays. If they want silence they should go and live far away from others.

Just ensure the dogs are inside next time you’re on a meeting, think no more about it.

WorraLiberty · 17/04/2021 09:42

@RachelRavenRoth

Doubt it given that the neighbours are retired.

That’s a bit of an assumption. My MIL is retired and in her 70’s, but she will still have important meetings relating to her volunteer roles, chairperson for an organisation, school governor... And she also occasionally does paid work relating to her field.

It's a real bugbear for a lot of retired people that so many tend to assume they're no longer busy people.
Meruem · 17/04/2021 09:42

Haven’t rtft, only OP’s posts but clearly it’s spiralled!

OP, I did vote YABU but only because you shouldn’t have left them barking and sorted it before it got to that. However a bottle of wine and a sincere apology is enough. You don’t need to get rid of the dogs, you are not a shit and selfish person. You made a mistake. Apologise, forgive yourself and move on.

DistanceCall · 17/04/2021 09:43

You were extremely unreasonable. And rude.

Get your dog trained NOW. And send your neighbour a huge gift basket as an apology, at the very least.

You have no right to impose your own noise on other people.

MuthaFunka61 · 17/04/2021 09:43

Crikey!

I agree @Candlestand that if there's a troublesome situation and you can do something about it, you do it, so if your neighbours we're so upset they had choices how to handle it and decided to lay it all at your door. At least you know now something else about them and can factor this into any further decision making. I'm not sure there's anything more you can do at this point other than what you've already decided to do and I wish you good luck with it all.

DenisetheMenace · 17/04/2021 09:43

Lockheart

“Doubt it given that the neighbours are retired.”

Know two retired people who volunteer and frequently chair online meetings, RNLI and Hospice. Another acquaintance is a local councillor and extremely busy at the moment with elections approaching.

Not all retirees spend their days watching Homes under the Hammer Grin

TedMullins · 17/04/2021 09:43

If you’re seriously going to get rid of the dogs because of this then perhaps you aren’t the best person to have dogs. Dogs can do a LOT worse than a one-off instance of annoying a neighbour. My dog has chased a child while barking (he didn’t bite or hurt the child, and I was profusely apologetic and did lots of training) but I haven’t got rid of him, I’ve worked to eliminate the problem.

scubadive · 17/04/2021 09:48

OMG, YNBU.

I cannot believe what a hard time you are having on here op and am shocked and saddened by the extent of the intolerance and unkindness on here.

Your neighbours are retired. Your dogs are normally never there.
They like to sit in their garden all the time. For one day, one you have your dogs at home and they are barking.
Fair enough your neighbour comes round after we presume a while to ask you to stop them BUT the way they did this was not nice.
Once you apologised and explained you would deal with it after the meeting and apologised again, that should have been enough but no they can’t accept your apology or explanation.
If they really couldn’t stand it then yes they could have all gone in for half an hour so that your dogs would quite down and you could finish your meeting. This would have been a kind neighbourly reaction, not shouting at you.

Chasing your dog round a large garden is a fun thing to do. Don’t stop this.

Your dog is not yet an adult and lots of dogs don’t come straight in when called.

Your neighbours cannot expect to sit in silence all day. Goodness knows what they would be like if you had noisy children or dogs barking every day. I saw a similar thread here last year about children making noise in a paddling pool on a very hot day last summer, having fun and the ops husband got home from work and went mad in case the neighbours were disturbed. Where has kindness gone and tolerance.

So many people on here shouting you down being unkind, it’s sad.

You sound lovely and a very kind concerned neighbour, your neighbour is lucky to have you.

Stop beating yourself up about one not ideal situation that your neighbour was so intolerant of, I also note that the neighbour banging and shouting was a man, I wonder if he would have shouted at your husband in the same way.

I have an 8 mouth old Labrador, he rarely ever barks, never has, just the way his breed is but labradors do jump up. I am working on this and trying to train him as best I can. All dogs need off lead time and to play with other dogs, there’s a field next to where Dogs are walked. The difference in people’s attitudes is incredible and this has been a real eye opener but the biggest thing I have noticed is that women in general have been more tolerant and less judgemental than men (particularly older men) on the whole men have been much much less nice and very judgmental, very quick to shout, tell you off, speak down to you in a way they would never speak to another man. I can go for a dog walk and either come back stressed and upset or happy and uplifted dependent on the interactions I have with fellow mankind. A friend of mine, a long term dog owner commented tgat it’s amazing how quickly a good dog walk can be ruined by others, ie) by unkind words from others and this is what is happening here.

Please continue to enjoy your dogs, it sounds like you are a lovely dog owner and a lovely neighbour and it’s sad so many intolerant people have come on this thread to have a go at you.

Marilla27 · 17/04/2021 09:49

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Crocidura · 17/04/2021 09:49

And send your neighbour a huge gift basket as an apology, at the very least.

😂 Oh MN, never change

KarmaStar · 17/04/2021 09:50

Your dh should not leave the dogs alone in the car.their body temperature increased dramatically just getting inside.then leaving them whilst he sorts out a toddler?Confused.extremely irresponsible dog ownership.

ferretface · 17/04/2021 09:50

Between OP's innocent "oh the dog could have been barking for an hour, not really sure how long, would it have BU to leave him barking for another half an hour" and sarcastic responses I don't feel this thread is very genuine. Clearly a dog barking non stop for that long is extremely annoying and antisocial irrespective of whether it's a one off.

Gothichouse40 · 17/04/2021 09:51

From my own point of view, dog owners seem to be deaf when it comes to their own dogs. We have more than one in the street where I live, they bark for hours and it gets very wearing. Either the owners are deaf or don't care. In your own situation, Id give it a day or two for the dust to settle and then go and apologise to your neighbours. Then perhaps see if like others suggest you can train your dogs.

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 17/04/2021 09:51

Noise suppressing apps to handle environmental noise (children, appliances, barking dogs, fire engines).

The choice depends if you're android or iOS or what your tech is.

Take a look at the comparison videos/articles about Krisp and watch the demos:

krisp.ai/

krisp.ai/blog/babblelabs-krisp-review/

Babblelabs Clear Edge: babblelabs.com/
babblelabs.com/products/clear-edge/client/learnmore/

They're the ones that I've tried (Krisp for Mac, iOS etc. and Babblelabs for Windows, android).

There are others but those 2 are the most flexible (to me) and work with the greatest number of platforms/apps.