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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think the way I spend dla is ok?

124 replies

Opal93 · 15/04/2021 23:26

I do always keep in mind that it is to be spent in my sons interest. I do try to put some away for his future, but each payment does help us pay for his additional costs due to his disability (pull ups, appropriate toys, sensory equipment, for example weighted blanket or sensory toys), it goes towards general care of him too such as groceries and clothing, we used some of it towards fuel/car payments as this allows us to take him places he likes and to appointments, sometimes it has went towards replacing items he has broken due to his disability (TV). Most importantly, it buys me time with him, as it allows me to be a SAHM, and I think this benefits him most of all as I know him best and can manage his condition best. AIBU to think I am spending it ok? I do feel guilty sometimes that I haven’t saved a lot of it, although some is saved and that’s better than nothing!

OP posts:

RagzReturnsRebooted · 15/04/2021 23:28

Why would you think you should be saving it? Surely the point is it covers the increased costs of living with a disability, but no one is expecting you to actually account for it. You're not spending it on treats for yourself and leaving him without, so there's no issue.

EvilOnion · 15/04/2021 23:28

Sounds fine to me. You're using it to support a caring, stable and comfortable life for him :)

grapewine · 15/04/2021 23:28

Isn't it supposed to be used to make his and the family's life easier? Seems to be what you're doing. YANBU.

Theunamedcat · 15/04/2021 23:29

Your not supposed to save it

Inneedoflifeadvice · 15/04/2021 23:32

I think that DLA is meant for additional costs related to disability and general day-to-day living so you're spending it exactly as you're supposed to.

It wouldn't really matter how you spent it though- your family obviously has to deal with more than the average family so I just think you can spend it however you wish.

Leeds2 · 15/04/2021 23:33

I have no direct experience of dla. But, surely, the whole point of it is to improve the recipient's quality of life now, so I think you should be spending it now, for DS's benefit, and not saving it.

LittleOwl153 · 15/04/2021 23:33

Actually of all the things you list - I would think saving it is the least 'appropriate' use. Short term saving - towards the next big purchase - an expensive piece of equipment for example yes, but saving it for the sake of saving? Surely the point of it is to meet the additional needs of you child (over any normal child of his age) now?

But if you can afford to put a bit by for his future then fine - I don't really see any of this as a problem!

Mollymalone123 · 15/04/2021 23:37

I was a single parent when my so. Got awarded dla. I remember my sil moaning about how I got ‘free’ money . My DM reminded her I would give the last bone in my body and go without food to have a normal, healthy child.I was on my knees some days with him as he never slept.was a danger to himself because he had no concept of danger at all- that extra money coming in meant I could keep a car on the road to take him to the only playgroup he was ‘allowed ‘ to be part of.( back in the early 90’s there was no provision or inclusive nurseries or playgroups or respite where I lived) You are doing the best for your child- don’t you dare feel guilty!

frankienotbenny · 15/04/2021 23:37

We received DLA for my (now adult) son for many years. I never saved any of it, nor did I ring-fence it; it went into our normal family money. We did spend money on things connected to his additional needs, equipment, repairs to things he broke, activities etc. But the single biggest financial cost to our family by far was my loss of salary as it would have been completely impossible for me to return to my former profession given his needs. So I never felt guilty at all about the DLA.

rainbowthoughts · 15/04/2021 23:40

You can do whatever you want with it and don't need to justify it to anyone, least of all yourself.

Be wary of saving too much of it, seems like W good idea now but as an adult if he will depend on benefits he may be over the savings threshold.

FranklinTennessee · 15/04/2021 23:41

If you’re son has everything he needs then it’s fine.

Has someone commented negatively to make you feel bad?

Blue4YOU · 15/04/2021 23:41

OP - unless you have a disabled child (I do), then no-one will understand what DLA is supposed to be used for.
Essentially OP, it’s for all the things your family needs to do for that child (not work (in my case), buy clothes, games, equipment, days out, taxis, FUN!).
Don’t ask an Internet forum where most people don’t understand what it is like to have a child that requires DLA (for your sake)

FrankieDettol · 15/04/2021 23:43

I'm just applying at the moment and plan on using it for all the things you've said, the things that DC requires due to his additional needs but also petrol etc as he cannot walk anywhere

Clydesider · 15/04/2021 23:43

I think you're doing great by your son, OP. The DLA, imo, is to help meet the extra costs your family encounters as a result of your son's disabilities and there are so many extra costs that many people wouldn't even think of. Also, you want to give him nice experiences, go on outings etc and these things all cost money.

It's great that the allowance also enables you to be there to care for him full time, too.

I don't think anyone could complain about how you're managing the money. If you're managing to save a little to use for your son's future, or for adaptations he might need at home, a break away for him etc, well, I think that's lovely.

takingmytimeonmyride · 15/04/2021 23:45

My son gets PIP and I get Carers Allowance as I can't work. The money pays for household bills etc as well as the respite clubs he goes to (in normal times)

If I didn't spend it on paying the mortgage etc we'd be homeless. Which wouldn't exactly benefit him.

I do have some savings, I save £20 from the PIP a week. But that goes to birthdays, Christmas and holidays.

LibrariesGiveUsPower45321 · 15/04/2021 23:45

Disabled living allowance is to help him & you as his parent live. It’s not meant for savings. Spend it on whatever you need for him to have the best life he can right now.

Hawkmoth · 15/04/2021 23:46

Last DLA purchases I made were VERY SPECIFIC wellies and a microscope.

Lancrelady80 · 15/04/2021 23:47

You are definitely using it as intended!
Fuel...bet you have more medical appointments or therapy groups to go to than most.Sensory needs/food issues? So that's probably bumping up the grocery bill. Developmental delays? Additional washing, sensory toys/equipment, longer in nappies/pull ups, maybe more expensive clothing to avoid particular textures.
Helping fund family bills that you're not contributing to financially as a sahm...you'll be putting in so much time to support him, providing early interventions and possibly carrying out physio/SALT/occ therapy exercises, helping your child need less interventions in the future. You're saving the state £ by doing this, both in terms of right now and in the impact it will have long term.

DLA recognises all this. It's not a doddle to get it, as you know, so it's absolutely fine to spend. I would suggest (and I see you are doing this) trying to save some in case of future needs though...private therapist whilst on a waiting list, specialist equipment, adapted bikes etc.

Do make sure you look into Carers Allowance as well and make sure Universal Credit/Tax Credit people know you have a child in receipt of DLA - you get an additional amount allowed before they start deducting.

(I raised similar qualms about DLA in front of our financial advisor - not as grand as it sounds, he's free through our work. He's nothing if not direct and told me all the above, esp with regard to the benefits of staying at home, and basically told me to give my head a wobble!)

The only way you can misuse DLA (other than blowing it on luxuries for yourself) is by saving it instead of using it to support you and your family.

Lancrelady80 · 15/04/2021 23:52

(And actually, given how hard and stressful looking after a disabled child can be, buying yourself a small treat occasionally for the sake of your own mental health and wellbeing could also easily be justified!)

5zeds · 15/04/2021 23:54

All the things you listed are fine but you shouldn’t be saving it

Pinkyavocado · 15/04/2021 23:55

Everyone I know who has a child that gets DLA, it goes in the main family pot.

My son is An adult and gets pip. It’s used to pay for all the additional stuff needed having him at home and no where near covers even the food, He gets UC as well which is his, although as his appointee I have control of it.

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 15/04/2021 23:57

I would presume it’s to supplement your income to enable you to do the best by your DS, which is exactly what it’s doing. If you were spending it on a holiday for you and your friends to the Maldives that would be a problem, but you’re making sure your DS has everything he needs, including you around as much as possible, so the specifics of where that money (as opposed to any other income your family receives) isn’t important.

The fact that you’re able to save for your DS’ future alongside providing for his needs now is fine. You could be spending that money on other everyday expenses for your DS and saving your child benefit or a portion of your DH’s salary instead, it makes no difference in the grand scheme of things.

alpenguin · 16/04/2021 00:02

Just beware that when your child is old enough to claim their own subsistence disability benefits (if they need to) any savings will be taken into account and taken from their award. It’s a nice idea to save for their future but the money is probably better served being spent in the here and now.

BackforGood · 16/04/2021 00:03

Not sure why you think you should be saving it.
It is for the purposes you are using it for

ineedaholidaynow · 16/04/2021 00:09

Why did you think you should save it?

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