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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the way I spend dla is ok?

124 replies

Opal93 · 15/04/2021 23:26

I do always keep in mind that it is to be spent in my sons interest. I do try to put some away for his future, but each payment does help us pay for his additional costs due to his disability (pull ups, appropriate toys, sensory equipment, for example weighted blanket or sensory toys), it goes towards general care of him too such as groceries and clothing, we used some of it towards fuel/car payments as this allows us to take him places he likes and to appointments, sometimes it has went towards replacing items he has broken due to his disability (TV). Most importantly, it buys me time with him, as it allows me to be a SAHM, and I think this benefits him most of all as I know him best and can manage his condition best. AIBU to think I am spending it ok? I do feel guilty sometimes that I haven’t saved a lot of it, although some is saved and that’s better than nothing!

OP posts:
upthekyber · 16/04/2021 00:10

You should not be saving it the point is it is for now, I hear parents say this all the time and it bloody bonkers. It is not a saving plan it's tax payers money and should be spent how you are using it.
On another note if you saved it and after about 4 years you would probably have accrued enough to to ensure he has too much in saving to not be able to claim benefits as an adult. So carry on, I use my sons as the difference between a full and part time wage so I can be home todo all the admin that a child with special needs needs today I spent 4 hours trying to work out the mess of his next school placement and the mess they made of his blue badge application.

CandyFIosss · 16/04/2021 00:24

Yeh it’s not for saving Confused

FireflyRainbow · 16/04/2021 00:29

It's for his needs now not as a savings scheme so YANBU.

Lancrelady80 · 16/04/2021 00:36

Pp asked why op thought she should be saving.

With me, it was guilt due to getting the money for doing what (to me at the time) seemed like what you just do anyway. We didn't need to buy much specifically for him due to his needs - but I couldn't work and also go to appointments, therapies etc. I had to be at home. But it seemed wrong that was funded by money for him - it took me a while to figure out that actually it was buying ME as a resource to support his needs.

Ilovemaisie · 16/04/2021 00:44

That's what it's for.

ViciousJackdaw · 16/04/2021 00:46

DLA and PIP are not for saving though. They are specifically to help pay for additional costs that a medical problem may incur.

The things you have listed are an appropriate use of the money.

LadyOfLittleLeisure · 16/04/2021 07:33

@RagzReturnsRebooted

Why would you think you should be saving it? Surely the point is it covers the increased costs of living with a disability, but no one is expecting you to actually account for it. You're not spending it on treats for yourself and leaving him without, so there's no issue.
This
Autosavepassword · 16/04/2021 08:03

The last thing I brought with my sins DLA was last night's Chinese takeaway once he was in bed. To be particular about it:

Ribs,
Sweet and sour chicken
Beef in black bean sauce
2x egg fried rice
Prawn crackers.
Chicken and mushroom soup
Mini spring rolls.

He had beans on toast for tea. Was I being indulgent: yes. Should I have cooked: probably

Before I get absolutely pilloried for this let me explain a bit about DS. He has complex ASD and lots of other needs including severe challenging behaviour. He's 9 but has the functional ability of a toddler. And needs constant supervision. Every waking second. Even his school agree with me on the continual supervision thing. And yesterday started at 0437.
He's being very very hard work at the moment because he knows school is back again on Monday. I spent most of yesterday trying to stop him maiming himself/myself/his brothers. So yes, I would have liked to cooked a tea we could all eat together (while he is strapped down on his highchair), however I had 10 minutes to produce something while his brothers were distracting him with Postman Pat. So beans on toast and the Dragon hut it was.

Other DLA purchases this week have been copious amounts of summer clothing (because the nappies we get off the inco service are useless and leak like hell), a new safety harness for my car, more bedding (see above r.e. nappies) and I'm currently ignoring the noise my washing machine is making which sounds like it's about to die a spectacular death.

I would give my right arm and every penny of DLA for just one day where DS was a normal 8 year old boy and we could do normal 8 year old boy things. Just one flipping day. Ain't going to happen though.

Spend your DLA exactly how you want, OP. It's hard enough work even filling in the form.

Autosavepassword · 16/04/2021 08:04

Sins= sons!

LadyCatStark · 16/04/2021 08:12

The things you are using it for are exactly the things it’s meant for. Has someone told you you should be saving it? That’s not what it’s meant for although there’s no reason that you shouldn’t save some of it if you want to.

Underhisi · 16/04/2021 08:12

It is meant for use now not as long term savings.
There is no law against saving it since it is given only based on care or mobility needs and not income related but the savings in that case would need to be in his name which will ultimately affect entitlement to other benefits when he is an adult.

nancywhitehead · 16/04/2021 08:16

Yes of course that's OK. You are using it for exactly what it is meant for.

Lindy2 · 16/04/2021 08:24

My daughter receives DLA. Most goes on normal day to day things for her like classes that benefit her, new school uniform as a lot gets damaged/lost, family days out etc. Some goes on day to day household bills. I work reduced hours and in a role I can do from home so I am available to go to the school at short notice when needed. It limits the job I can do and what I earn and the DLA helps bridge that gap a little bit.

Use it sensibly is generally what I would suggest.

KoalaOok · 16/04/2021 08:28

You should be spending it that's what it's for, they've decided you need the extra financial help for your child now.

Disfordarkchocolate · 16/04/2021 08:28

I think it all sounds fine. I think some saving is fine as there will likely be some big expenses due to his disability.

Bagelsandbrie · 16/04/2021 08:29

You can do whatever you like with it as long as it makes your child’s life better. This literally means anything in practice really!

Sirzy · 16/04/2021 08:31

I can’t work due to Ds disability. Carers allowance is a pittance so the DLA allows me to not work and look after him

PickAChew · 16/04/2021 08:34

By all means, save some for a rainy day, eg new washer, dryer etc, if he generates a lot of laundry but agree that it's for improving your quality of life, now.

Crockof · 16/04/2021 08:37

@Autosavepassword

The last thing I brought with my sins DLA was last night's Chinese takeaway once he was in bed. To be particular about it:

Ribs,
Sweet and sour chicken
Beef in black bean sauce
2x egg fried rice
Prawn crackers.
Chicken and mushroom soup
Mini spring rolls.

He had beans on toast for tea. Was I being indulgent: yes. Should I have cooked: probably

Before I get absolutely pilloried for this let me explain a bit about DS. He has complex ASD and lots of other needs including severe challenging behaviour. He's 9 but has the functional ability of a toddler. And needs constant supervision. Every waking second. Even his school agree with me on the continual supervision thing. And yesterday started at 0437.
He's being very very hard work at the moment because he knows school is back again on Monday. I spent most of yesterday trying to stop him maiming himself/myself/his brothers. So yes, I would have liked to cooked a tea we could all eat together (while he is strapped down on his highchair), however I had 10 minutes to produce something while his brothers were distracting him with Postman Pat. So beans on toast and the Dragon hut it was.

Other DLA purchases this week have been copious amounts of summer clothing (because the nappies we get off the inco service are useless and leak like hell), a new safety harness for my car, more bedding (see above r.e. nappies) and I'm currently ignoring the noise my washing machine is making which sounds like it's about to die a spectacular death.

I would give my right arm and every penny of DLA for just one day where DS was a normal 8 year old boy and we could do normal 8 year old boy things. Just one flipping day. Ain't going to happen though.

Spend your DLA exactly how you want, OP. It's hard enough work even filling in the form.

I know an Internet random doesn't mean much but that actually brought me to tears, Flowers and to you op Flowers
Embracelife · 16/04/2021 08:41

Spend every penny whether food clothes carers cleaners toys equipment etc . That s what it is for. Don't give a second thought. If you spend all his dla on a housekeeper that s fine it will help you.

Embracelife · 16/04/2021 08:45

@Disfordarkchocolate

I think it all sounds fine. I think some saving is fine as there will likely be some big expenses due to his disability.
Big expenses go to a charity or govt funding there are lots around . New washing machine go to family fund if you on low income . Dla is for day to day. You don t save up dla for a 10k wheelchair ...ask a charity for that
Embracelife · 16/04/2021 08:47

Special needs tricycle 1000k again a charity will help
Just spend dla on day to day and needs as you see fit

Bumberlee · 16/04/2021 08:49

It's Disability Living Allowance not Disability Future Savings.

Daisychain789 · 16/04/2021 08:53

You shouldn’t feel any judgement over how you spend the money.

DLA for my son was used for general living as I was unable to work due to caring for him, sensory classes, 121 swimming as he couldn’t go to mainstream. And even on a boiler and it was unsafe with my sons medical equipment due to the age of it.

HeckyPeck · 16/04/2021 09:06

You can spend DLA on anything you wish. It could be used for treats and holidays, or to put away in a savings account for your child.

www.thurrock.gov.uk/disabled-children-and-their-families/disability-living-allowance-for-children#:~:text=The%20help%20with%20personal%20care,savings%20account%20for%20your%20child.

As the official guidance says, you can spend it on absolutely anything. Whether that's day-to-day living costs, savings, treats for you/your son. Literally anything you choose to and it's none of anyone elses business.

Don't let anyone make you feel guilty.