To think the way I spend dla is ok?

[Opal93]

I do always keep in mind that it is to be spent in my sons interest. I do try to put some away for his future, but each payment does help us pay for his additional costs due to his disability (pull ups, appropriate toys, sensory equipment, for example weighted blanket or sensory toys), it goes towards general care of him too such as groceries and clothing, we used some of it towards fuel/car payments as this allows us to take him places he likes and to appointments, sometimes it has went towards replacing items he has broken due to his disability (TV). Most importantly, it buys me time with him, as it allows me to be a SAHM, and I think this benefits him most of all as I know him best and can manage his condition best. AIBU to think I am spending it ok? I do feel guilty sometimes that I haven’t saved a lot of it, although some is saved and that’s better than nothing!

Also OP I get PIP (the equivalent to DLA for over 18s) and honestly I just spend it how I wish. I am very disabled by my conditions and would switch places with a healthy person who doesn't receive PIP in a second.

I think it sounds fine. A bit of savings could pay for a larger item if needed in future. Also could be an emergency fund to avoid disruption to child’s life. However I think it should be spent as you are doing already.

you're spending it totally normally, ours goes into the general household costs, my lad is 14, i justify it as in it covers the extra electric he uses for his nightlights, music and gaming consoles.

It keeps my car on the road because he can't/wont walk anywhere, use public transport, it covers the food i have to buy especially for him, the shoes he wears through twice as fast as his sibling, the clothes he rips/chews, the tablet screens that get smashed, the extra heating i have to keep on because he gets cold....etc

The money supports me to support him and his needs that put 'extra' strain on my expenses basically.

My eldest gets DLA. He has autism and ADHD. He is exhausting mentally, physically and emotionally. I had to give up my management job when he was 3 as nobody can care for him in the school holidays etc. No club can cope with him. I still work part time as I gives me independence and keeps my sanity. Dh has him the day I work. We have no breaks from him. This mornings meltdown was awful. We literally all evacuated the upstairs of the house to the safety downstairs. This holidays have been hell. I use dla for day to day living costs. I lost a very good wage and now earn pennies. I have 2 neurotypical children. People have no idea how easy live is when there kids have no additional needs. My pre schooler and toddler are easier combined then my 9 year old is.

You're doing fine, Opal. That's how I would use DLA if I had it for a child.

Just because the money has not been ‘earned’ by doing a regular job, doesn’t mean you lose any choice about how best it is to spend it. Only you know your family priorities and the only person you should have to justify that to is yourself.

My mother got DLA is got spent on keeping my parents house tropically warm as she couldn't stand the cold.

The drop in the heating bills after she died was really marked (and even then the house was a bit warm for my siblings and I - my Dad have obviously got used to tropical temperatures too!)

It's for spending on things that benefit the disabled person. Only someone who hasn't got a clue would criticise you.

"It's supposed to be a payment to support the daily living of your child, and if you're getting enough to save some, you're getting too much IMO."

The Dla a child gets is based on the care and mobility needs of the child. It is not an income related benefit. We will be part funding our child for the rest of our lives regardless of where he is living and what benefits he gets so any money he gets will be spent on him.

@LindaEllen

The way I see it, you shouldn't be saving it anyway. It's supposed to be a payment to support the daily living of your child, and if you're getting enough to save some, you're getting too much IMO.

The biggest outgoing for DWP is state pensions. Should pensioners who are putting money aside be told they shouldn’t be entitled to a state pension, or is it just disabled people and their families who shouldn’t be allowed financial autonomy?

OP, as I said before - crack on. Trust yourself that you’re making the right decisions.

@ThatchersCold

I spend my dd’s on keeping her pony - horses are her special interest and she finds it so soothing to be around them. It gets her out of the house doing physical exercise and it’s great for her strength and coordination. I’m sure many people would be sniffy about this but oh well.

I think that's exactly what riding crops were invented for! 🤣

@LindaEllen

The way I see it, you shouldn't be saving it anyway. It's supposed to be a payment to support the daily living of your child, and if you're getting enough to save some, you're getting too much IMO.

🤣🤣🤣🤣don't believe ridiculous.

Too much 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

We also use it to supplement salary due to decreased capacity for work and also to run a car that we wouldn’t need if my child was t disabled

@Autosavepassword 🤗🤗 buy whatever it takes to get through the day 💐 anyone who comments negatively would be told to come & stay, they'd sharp change their bloody minds!!!

@Opal93. What, or should I say who, is making you think you should be saving it, not using it exactly as you are, exactly what it's for? (Unless you're a 'journalist' who can GTF)

If people looked at the amount extra that they are spending on non obvious extras, they would find in pretty much every case, that they are spending more than the DLA the child gets.
Eg on extra clothes, more washing, more cleaning products, replacing broken items, buying things that you are not sure your child will like but won't know till you have got them. fuel for appointments, fuel to access activities because the nearest won't work or to go meetings at school, a working parent having to take more unpaid leave etc.
That is on top of all the obvious stuff like incontinence products, specialist clothing and equipment, a parent not being able to work, a bigger car etc

You sound like you’re making good decisions.

Save it if you want to, I say. You never know when you may need a lump sum for a disabled child - new bike (DS could only learn on a super lightweight one), one to one swimming lessons (the only way DS will learn, and it will take longer to teach him than an average neurological child, so not only are the lessons more expensive but he will need more of them), membership for somewhere to visit as he may not want/be able to visit other places which ma be cheaper or more convenient. The possibilities are endless.

The DLA we receive for 8yo DS (middle rate care, lower rate mobility) doesn’t touch the sides of the extra costs that we pay because of his disability. It’s nowhere near.

You are his mum. You know best.

Just to correct a mistake in my post before someone picks me up on it. DS IS 9 years old, not 8.
He's just (as in the past few days) had his 9th birthday. Makes no odds though when his birthday toys came from the toddler toys section.

And people saying about charities. You are aware most of them have an income limit and/or you need an endorsing professional to sign off the application. Where I live its quite hard to get a professional to do this. Its taken as the professional is endorsing the application ergo social services/NHS should provide but they won't.

Thankfully DH has a very good professional body behind him who have an active charity who take a more sensible view on things.

We get DLA for DS (although as he's 16 we are transferring to PIP which I doubt he will get)
We started getting it when he was 10.
It went into general family living and basically paid for me to be a SAHM for 4 years. Whcih was an adjustment that was needed to allow for his issues (he is autistic)
Now I am working as a TA it goes on his special interests and trips etc.
For example a couple of years ago it paid for me and him to go to London for the day by train and go up the Shard as well as visit several museums and have a meal together. He wanted to visit the Shard and we would not have been able to go without his DLA. It has also paid for visits to Harry Potter World (another obsession)

The last hurrah for our DLA will be to buy him a new bike as he has shot up.

Sounds like you're doing a great job..... keep it up.

If DLA was supposed to be spent on certain things (or saved), that would be a requirement, like direct payments that can be specified for x or y.

The fact that there are no specific conditions around how DLA should be deployed aside from it being used in the best interest of the child means it's up to the parent/carer to decide what's in the child's best interests, as no-one else knows your situation or your child as well as you do.

My washing machine broke last year, just before Christmas. If I hadn't have saved some of the PIP I wouldn't have been able to afford a new one, or my kids would have had no Christmas presents.

It's all very well saying charities will get you one, but these things can take 5 or 6 weeks to process. And what would I have done in the meantime with laundrettes shut?

So I would definitely recommend saving some if you can.

And fuck off if you think it's too much. I get £270 a month in Carers Allowance for not being able to work as I have to care for my 18 year old. I'd like to see you do that job for that amount of pay.

If you could, I would save a buffer so that if the payments stop, you’re not in dire straits. Other than that, absolutely spend it, that’s what it’s for.

You can spend your PIP however you deem necessary. I had my kitchen revamped with mine so I am able to fit in tumble dryer and dish washer - which makes my life a hell of a lot easier.

I get PIP, I am saving a good chunk of it so we can move house to somewhere more suited to my disabilities. The rest goes on things I need to manage my conditions & make my life easier. There is nothing wrong with saving for the future, especially as the benefit can be withdrawn at any time.