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AIBU?

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Original poster

What age did you leave your baby for the first time overnight?

112 replies

rozm2400 · 13/04/2021 21:53

My daughter is currently 14 Months and after a very tricky pregnancy, we have both been very attached. She was born early, after my water breaking at 31 weeks and having to have injections to help her lungs grow. I think that’s part of my fear now with separation. She’s 14 months and barely left my site, the odd 2-4 hours here and there with her dad should I have needed to do urgent work. She will go to my mum but only in small spouts and is very clingy to me and the home. She likes very familiar things and regular breastfeeding, how ever at this point, she’s eating full meals and it’s just comfort. It’s my sisters hen do in August and it’s a two night stay which I’m dreading. Baby still feeds several times through the night and finds it very difficult to be away. I also have major anxiety about been gone for more than a few hours. I guess my question is, what age did you leave your little one for a two night break and am I making the right decision? I don’t feel I can get out of hen do but also don’t feel ready to leave her!

OP posts:

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 13/04/2021 22:01

I've only ever left DS for more than a single night for a) having DD b) staying in hospital with DD when she was desperately ill in PICU. He is 4.

Other than that I've probably only left him for about 16-18 hours!

DD is 18m and I have only ever left over night when she was born in NICU and I wasnt allowed to stay. I cried every single time I went home.

I know I'll get about a million people saying "urgh you're such a martyr" but I just haven't needed or wanted to leave them. I hate multi night hen dos, I hate two nights on the trot of not enough sleep and too much booze and struggle to lie in in the morning. DH and I go on holiday with the kids as a family which is what we like.

Horses for courses, I love seeing my kids when I wake up in the morning, my sunshine.

Firsttimemumofone · 13/04/2021 22:01

Hey,
Well due to Covid I've not been able to have a night away from my little one (2 in a month!). I've done days away so know she can be with my parents but I know I'm a little nervous about when I have to go into hospital to give birth to no. 2 as my partner will be with me, not her . . . And she hasn't done a night without one of us putting her to bed.
Could you sort of prepare in advance by maybe getting her dad to have her for a full day (get your hair done/ go shopping the possibilities are endless now haha) and keep yourself distracted. Then a week or so later, can he or your mum have her so that they're in charge of the bedtime routine. That way you know she will be fine and you've braced yourself for it.
It won't be easy and absolute worst case scenario (and the kind of thing I would debate doing but probably wouldn't) is book a hotel room or near to the hen do and if you're truly truly worried you can go and give your little girl a squeeze and a play in any downtime that there may be. . . I will admit this option won't be looked at favourably by rest of the bridesmaids but if it massively comforts you and means you can enjoy yourself the rest of the time . . . Live and let live!

secretllama · 13/04/2021 22:04

3 months old was when my son had his first overnight stay at grandparents.
Hasnt been away for 2 nights purely because of lockdown so I've not had any weekends away but would've been around the same time.

rainbowthoughts · 13/04/2021 22:06

Can you compromise and have your baby and her dad at the hotel for the 2 nights if you really don't feel you can miss it but also don't want to leave her?

Bairnsmum05 · 13/04/2021 22:07

12 weeks old. I went away for 2 nights with friends. Baby was perfectly happy with his dad and dad enjoyed having the 1:1 time with him.

GettingItOutThere · 13/04/2021 22:08

@rainbowthoughts

Can you compromise and have your baby and her dad at the hotel for the 2 nights if you really don't feel you can miss it but also don't want to leave her?

i would do this!

you arnt a martyr OP, i would not leave mine for a few years - no compromse!

GettingItOutThere · 13/04/2021 22:08

@rainbowthoughts

Can you compromise and have your baby and her dad at the hotel for the 2 nights if you really don't feel you can miss it but also don't want to leave her?

i would do this!

you arnt a martyr OP, i would not leave mine for a few years - no compromse!

Mylittlesandwich · 13/04/2021 22:09

Due to lockdown DS was about 13 months. Me and DH were travelling for a funeral and it was much easier to travel without him. He was absolutely fine but every parent and child is different so what suits some won't suit others.

BoomBoomsCousin · 13/04/2021 22:10

I first left my babies (twins) overnight when they were about 4 months. I don't think I did a two night overnighter until they were about 3 years. I would have been comfortable doing so at one year after I stopped BFing, but I didn't have a need to.

From fairly early on I did a lot of handing over to their dad. I pumped milk and he bottle fed on a lot of nights when I was home. He had exclusive care for significant amounts of time when I did other things. So we all knew they were in good hands, and he had a great bond with them.

If you haven't done any of that yet then August might be a bit soon for a two nighter. And if you're BFing, pumping for two whole days might be more hassle than it's worth (that was certainly my feeling while I was BFing). But you won't know until you make some steps towards it. Start trying to hand over a bit of the care and see how it goes. Don't be bullied into attending the hen do. But do start to look at how you can have a life with a bit of space of your own so both you and your baby get a chance to do things apart.

VienneseWhirligig · 13/04/2021 22:11

A couple of weeks. We were moving house so my parents had DS overnight while we sorted the old house out. I can totally understand why you would find it difficult though as your baby had such a challenging start. DS was in SCBU for a couple of nights with a heart murmur but thankfully it resolved (his older brother was born with a hole in the heart so the hospital were extra cautious). It must have been really difficult with yours being a preemie

Lieinrequired · 13/04/2021 22:13

3 months. Because I needed an operation

Echobelly · 13/04/2021 22:13

I don't recall - quite young for DD, but after I'd switched to bottle feeding. DS I think DH and I went away for a night when he was about 5 months old when I was very much breastfeeding. Which was fine for him although my boobs were in agony by the small hours! But he was used to being with my parents who I guess he must have stayed with that night, so much easier than your situation.

CeibaTree · 13/04/2021 22:13

I've only spent one night away from the DC when my eldest was 22 months old. It was for work and it was fine, but I've never really felt the need to do it for social reasons, but maybe I am just very boring! :)

Twizbe · 13/04/2021 22:14

My son was 17 months the first time I left him overnight. It was to go to a wedding and I was away two nights.

I was worried but it was fine. Both he and daddy coped really well. I had a nice enough time but I was 7 weeks pregnant and felt exhausted and sick most of the time lol.

The first time we both left him overnight he was 2 and technically it was only 3am to 11am we left him while I was giving birth.

Aliceandthemarchhare · 13/04/2021 22:15

I’m not planning on having mine stay anywhere overnight, to be honest.

Obviously if an emergency happens that’s different but as things stand I wouldn’t want to. I’d do as others have suggested and have baby and partner at the hotel

Twizbe · 13/04/2021 22:16

But I want to add, it doesn't matter what anyone else does. It only matters what you feel comfortable with.

You've got time to build you both up to it if you want.

Alternatively you can look at attending part of the day / have hubby and baby come and stay close by / focus on the actual wedding.

Key thing is your and baby's comfort

Amanduh · 13/04/2021 22:17

My oldest is four and I’ve left him twice, once at 3 and once this past summer which was to have his brother! I know people are perfectly happy to leave theirs and fair enough but I don’t like to unless I have to really.. I’d leave them for a night out but I like to come home after. Whatever you feel is perfectly fair enough!

babybythesea · 13/04/2021 22:17

My eldest was 4, youngest was 1.
But it’s a lot to do with circumstances- we don’t live near any family so didn’t really have anyone to leave them with. We weren’t about to drive for five hours to leave the children with people we also wanted to spend time with!

WeekendCEO · 13/04/2021 22:20

If you don’t feel ready then don’t do it.

But if you’d like to, then slowly build up her time away from you between now and August for the hen do.

My kids were 4 before they spent a night away from me and their dad. They were even older when they had a whole weekend without us as we didn’t like being away from them.

Merename · 13/04/2021 22:21

I think 18/20mo for one night, later for 2. Could you do something to have your partner come and be around with your wee one while you dot in and out of the hen do?

elQuintoConyo · 13/04/2021 22:21

Without me, 1.5yrs, without DH 2yrs. With neither of us, 4yrs I think. Camping in the school playground in summer!

Having said that, I live in a different country to my family, and while DH's family are all here, they're all rather indifferent and busy with their own lives to have DS for an overnight.

He's now 9yo and has various sleepovers throughout the year. And did a three-night trip with school two years ago.

Go at your own pace and trust your instincts.

HarleyQuinn21 · 13/04/2021 22:21

I had to leave my DS alone for two days at 5 weeks old, that was gut wrenching. I never want to leave him again but he's only 11 weeks old now so that might change.

beepbeepbonk · 13/04/2021 22:21

Born at 33 weeks my first proper night away was at 2 months.

Oddly i once has a panic attack over leaving my dog overnight with a relative though...

IdblowJonSnow · 13/04/2021 22:22

9 or 10 months but my first was bottle fed. Do you actually want to go? Would going for the day or one night be an option? If not you might just not enjoy being away from your child for a full weekend.

Scottishskifun · 13/04/2021 22:22

Mine was about 19 months also still BF but only 2-3 times a day and we were away 1 night but 2 days.
My tip would be to take a pump with you so you don't risk mastitis. My DS was fine he asked a few times and my parents said to him mummy and daddy will be back on Sunday and distracted him. I was worried about how he would settle etc but he was good as gold. He wanted cuddles and a feed as soon as we got through the door though 😂

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