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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Arguments about wills

85 replies

ElleS86 · 13/04/2021 19:11

I’m not sure if I am being unreasonable but my parents have gifted me and my partner (soon to be husband) a house, we have been talking about making wills and he expects that when we both die the house will be split between his family and mine (we don’t have children) am I being unreasonable in thinking when we are both dead it should go back to my family and not his?

OP posts:
Geepee71 · 13/04/2021 19:18

I'd be thinking same as you, would consider a lifetime occupancy for him or similar, but no I'd want it going back to my family.
Unless you do have kids, then that's a different issue.

BootsieBarnes · 13/04/2021 19:20

Don't get married until this is sorted out or you could lose half the house.

Whose name/s are on the deed?

Original poster
ElleS86 · 13/04/2021 19:22

Thanks, no we don’t have kids and don’t plan to so it would be our respective nieces and nephews 🙂

OP posts:
Sarahlou63 · 13/04/2021 19:22

Surely if it's gifted to you and you marry then it becomes a family home and part of your joint assets? Are you planning on having your own family?

(And besides, if you are both dead - why do you care?!)

junebirthdaygirl · 13/04/2021 19:22

Well if you die first it will be his and he can leave it to whoever's he wishes. If he dies first you will own it and can leave it to your family.
My dh had a house when l met him. Never once did he mention who was to inherit it . He just put my name on it and it was up to me from there on in.

Sarahlou63 · 13/04/2021 19:23

Oops, cross posted Blush

Original poster
ElleS86 · 13/04/2021 19:23

Yes it will have to be sorted out, it’s in my name, and obviously if I die first then he would stay in the house until he died but I don’t understand why he thinks his family should get a share of it

OP posts:
Trixie78 · 13/04/2021 19:24

It depends who it's being gifted to, you only or to the both of you?

Original poster
ElleS86 · 13/04/2021 19:25

The issue is it’s part of a family estate so it would mean my family selling everything to buy his family out.
He has a buy to let property that I am not expecting my family to get a proportion of when we die as it’s his property.

OP posts:
AdaThorne · 13/04/2021 19:33

@ElleS86

The issue is it’s part of a family estate so it would mean my family selling everything to buy his family out. He has a buy to let property that I am not expecting my family to get a proportion of when we die as it’s his property.
At this point I would say you are not being unreasonable to say then it reverts to your family, and would expressly say on that basis in case of death he has his property, you have interest in the other one.

That said you definitely need legal advice sorting this over and above randoms on the internet (even ones as intelligent and reasonable as me Halo)

Hidinginstaircupboard · 13/04/2021 19:36

Well, you need to ensure you get legal advice. If property is gifted to you in your name then you write your will as you choose and can give him life interest to remain there whilst he is alive and not going into residential care and say who the will recipients are.

If it's in both your names then meh.., you are at mercy or what he puts in his will for his share

If he has his own property it seems CF to expect to share your family's gift with his family too unless you get half his rental property too or your family does

Newkitchen123 · 13/04/2021 19:40

We're in a similar situation but the opposite way round. My now husband moved into my house that I own outright. I am leaving it to him in my will. His opinion is why should his family benefit when he dies, assuming I die first. So he's writing a will that says it goes to someone in my family. We don't have kids.

Insomnia5 · 13/04/2021 19:42

Well it’s either one way or the other. His family don’t get a share of yours if yours don’t get a share of his. Have you actually pointed out this isn’t fair?

user1493413286 · 13/04/2021 19:45

Well really they’ve just gifted it to you if that’s the case then which is fine but different to you both being given it.
What happens if you die and he wants to move somewhere else? He’s a bit stuck.

DinoHat · 13/04/2021 19:47

I’d say that’s fair, but also that the BTL property becomes an asset of the marriage too. All or nothing.

Happytentoes · 13/04/2021 19:54

He keeps the BTL and has lifetime use of the shared home if you die first, but never owns it. Upon death of second partner, home reverts to your family.
Assuming , that is, you both continue to generate income to maintain the house. If you decide to give up work and live off his income, for example, you may have to think again.
I have seen this done with friends, they bought a joint holiday home, which was clearly a joint asset.

Merryoldgoat · 13/04/2021 19:59

I think that if it’s both of yours then it should be split between families when you die in the absence of children.

GintyMcGinty · 13/04/2021 20:03

I don't understand marriages that maintain 'his' and 'her' instead of 'ours'.

Your OP says gifted me and my partner (soon to be husband) - gift to both of you. And you are getting married. Surely this is a marital asset to be shared?

Will you maintain it on your own with your own money or will he be expected to contribute to its upkeep to?

What if you do have children?

Lots to think about if you go down this route of his and hers. Are you ready for marriage?

BJHair · 13/04/2021 20:04

I would be more worried about what happens if you divorce
If your parents are wealthy enough to gift you a house then they are wealthy enough to get advice from an estate planner / lawyer who deals with stuff like this
I would see if there is some way of setting up a family trust so that neither of you own it but the family trust owns it so when you die or if your husband divorces you he can’t claim on it as neither of you own it .
As your not having kids and no step kids to consider this would probably work well

Winter2020 · 13/04/2021 20:07

"obviously if I die first then he would stay in the house until he died"

Not obvious at all. If you own the house , you are not married and die without a will it will go by rules of intestacy to your family. He won't have any rights to live there until he dies automatically.
www.gov.uk/inherits-someone-dies-without-will

It's your house and so what you legally put in place is what will happen. Unless you marry then I think he might be able to dispute if it was not willed to him as it would be an asset of marriage.

You need to be clear in your own mind. You say it was given to you AND your partner. You then want it to "revert" to your family. But actually it's in your name and you want to give it to who you choose on your death. Suggests to me they gave it to "you" and you want it to remain "yours". The confusion seems to be because you are half telling yourself and your partner it is "ours" when you don't want it to be. You want to let your partner live there but you never want it to be his in full or part. Don't get married if this is the case and get legal advice and a proper will. Whether there is anything legal you can do to 100% safeguard the house after marriage I don't know - solicitor needed.

TwoIsQuiteEnoughThankYou · 13/04/2021 20:15

I'm not sure you've quite got the whole concept of marriage down, OP. It's about sharing stuff.

1Morewineplease · 13/04/2021 21:16

I suppose that if you got married tomorrow and you ( heaven forbid) died the day after then your property would be his to do what he wanted to with it.

If you want to ring-fence your inheritance then you really need to speak to a solicitor.

CEJJMM · 13/04/2021 21:37

Take professional advice, there are ways to deal with this type of situation.

MayorGoodwaysChicken · 13/04/2021 21:41

Agree with PP that divorce is potentially more of a concern. If you’re dead then you don’t need a home but if the marriage fails it sounds like he is the type who wouldn’t hesitate to take everything he can get.

VettiyaIruken · 13/04/2021 21:48

Tell him that instead of half your house going to your family and half to his, and half his house going to your family and half to his, it would be simpler to half your house - your family, his house - his family.

It will be interesting to see his reaction to that

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