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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Arguments about wills

85 replies

ElleS86 · 13/04/2021 19:11

I’m not sure if I am being unreasonable but my parents have gifted me and my partner (soon to be husband) a house, we have been talking about making wills and he expects that when we both die the house will be split between his family and mine (we don’t have children) am I being unreasonable in thinking when we are both dead it should go back to my family and not his?

OP posts:
VettiyaIruken · 13/04/2021 21:49

Half = have

KrisAkabusi · 13/04/2021 21:59

@MayorGoodwaysChicken

Agree with PP that divorce is potentially more of a concern. If you’re dead then you don’t need a home but if the marriage fails it sounds like he is the type who wouldn’t hesitate to take everything he can get.
How can you possibly think that, based on the very limited information provided by the OP? You know nothing about him, other than he would like to leave property he might inherit to his family.
Brainwave89 · 13/04/2021 22:00

There is no right answer to this question as far as I can see. Generally I would expect all assets to be mingled on marriage, i.e. you have a joint pool, and you can then jointly decide where these assets are distributed to on your death. I had assets prior to our marriage ( a flat and a portfolio of shares), which became joint assets. On our death these will go to children, and if not to them then to relatives on both sides of the family. Equally, you could decide that you stick with the assets you came in with, but the key thing is you need to talk and agree on a joint approach, otherwise this sounds like a deal breaker.

2ndtimemum2 · 13/04/2021 22:02

Op what does he want to happen to his house in his will is he willing to split it with your family?

junebirthdaygirl · 13/04/2021 22:05

Surely as he has a house the same decision will be reached on both houses. Otherwise he is very grabbing.

TheLastLotus · 13/04/2021 22:16

YANBU given your update.
Is he happy for his house to go to your family when he’s dead? If not then he’s being v grabby.
I’d suggest you see a lawyer - make sure your house is protected in event of a divorce.
He already has a house himself so neither of you are vulnerable or at risk of being out on the streets. Keep your respective houses for yourselves ...

00100001 · 13/04/2021 23:02

@ElleS86

The issue is it’s part of a family estate so it would mean my family selling everything to buy his family out. He has a buy to let property that I am not expecting my family to get a proportion of when we die as it’s his property.
OP, you need to clarify
  1. is the house being left to YOU alone, or both of you?
  2. is he sharing his property with your family in his will?
Chloemol · 13/04/2021 23:08

Well if he thinks he gets half of your house, then you get half of his buy to let

Personally I think you see,legal advice and draw up something that covers assets you bring to the marriage

endofthelinefinally · 13/04/2021 23:09

You need to speak to an IHT planning adviser asap. There are several ways of dealing with this, but all of them require input from someone who knows the IHT rules. Don't go to a solicitor, accountant or financial advisor unless they are also an inheritance tax expert. They will be able to explain not just about tax, but how to protect your assets and place them into trust for family members.

endofthelinefinally · 13/04/2021 23:13

Don't get married until you have taken proper advice and remember that marriage invalidates any will that either of you make before marriage. Of course anybody can alter their will at any time without telling their spouse. If this is causing a problem I would be delaying the marriage.

Guavaf1sh · 14/04/2021 07:02

Why would it not be a joint asset though when the house is gifted now and presumably this hypothetical scenario takes place many years in the future when you’ve both lived in the house?

Biker47 · 14/04/2021 09:04

I'm assuming this gifted house is a second house and you already own/live together? If so, why not just sell both of the 2nd houses you have and use the money to pay for your current house/new house? Then sort your wills out based on that?

MindyStClaire · 14/04/2021 09:15

Every penny that DH or I have is "ours" regardless of how we came to have it, and I would be pretty unimpressed if it turned out that DH viewed something as "his". That would be even more true in the case of the marital home.

The complication that it's on the family estate is something you'll need to figure out yourselves. If you can never leave or sell then it's really more of a loan from your family and I wouldn't be happy with that in your husband's shoes.

UniversitySerf · 14/04/2021 09:35

People are not reading that it is a property on an estate owned by the posters family. This complicates things.

Marriage is almost always better for women when dc are in the mix unless she is independently wealthy. Having dc often makes women poorer as they take career breaks, reduce hours or never go for promotion. People can sing in a chorus all they like about it is all in one pot and family money. Well it is till divorce, then assets are split 50/50 and each household has their respective job or lack of job.

Do you plan on trying to have dc?

endofthelinefinally · 14/04/2021 09:37

According to every financial advisor I have spoken to it is very, very common for widowed men to marry again and all the property and assets go to the new (usually younger) wife's family if he dies. Nothing goes to the first wife's family/children, even though the assets were 50% the first wife's.

This happened 3 times in my own family, entirely due to lack of planning and ignorance around the fact that a marriage invalidates a will. By assets I mean investments, shares, houses, all intended for the children of the first marriage.

parietal · 14/04/2021 09:41

your family should give you a life-interest in the house but retain ownership. Or they should rent it to you for £1 per year. But if they want to keep the house in their family estate, then they should not give away the ownership.

what if you want to sell and move to Australia one day? what if you need to sell to pay for your care in old age?

endofthelinefinally · 14/04/2021 09:42

My neighbour's parents gave them a huge deposit for their house. Neighbour sadly died young and her husband married a younger woman within a year. The new wife excluded the teenaged Dc from their home; they had to move in with the GPs. New wife divorced husband a few years later. Got 50% of everything.

tara66 · 14/04/2021 09:51

Your parents should gift it to you alone - then he could not claim it was also gifted to him if divorce occurs - that does not mean he won't have the right to make a claim to it in divorce settlement. He can make a claim ''if he has no where else to live'' so ensure he does not sell the property he is renting out.

Fireflygal · 14/04/2021 09:55

He has a buy to let property that I am not expecting my family to get a proportion of when we die as it’s his property

If you marry this would be joint assets, if he doesn't agree then he is practicing "what's yours is mine, what's mine is mine".

You need to be hard headed about marriage, divorce rates are 50%, more so for 2nd marriages and if you died would you trust him to distribute assets according to your wishes. In the event of divorce after a medium or long term marriage it's common to share assets 50%
it does depend on need but that's the usual starting point.

billy1966 · 14/04/2021 10:09

OP,

You are a very naive woman if you don't get this sorted.

You don't have children together and you are NOT expecting a share of HIS BTL, yet he wants his family to share in your inheritance.

I would be very wary and suspicious of someone so insistent on this.

Where are you planning on living?
In this inheritance house while he has his BTL?

Well that's very convenient for him.

Sounds like he is showing you who he is.
I suggest you listen or it could end up costing you the house if you split up.

Good legal advice.
Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.
Flowers

Rewis · 14/04/2021 10:10

Get legal advice etc.
However, I can see his point of view in this. I'm assuming that you are planning to live in this house? Is he expected to put money into the house like a homeowner would that could potentially increase the value of the property and he wouldn't benefit I'm case of death or divorce? If this is the case it might seem a bit off to him. I totally understand OP but there is a lot of things to be discussed.

What happens of you decide to move? Depending on the set up, I'm not sure this is comparable to BTL property.

stackemhigh · 14/04/2021 10:12

Yikes, he is a greedy twat. Be very careful marrying this man and if you do, get a shit hot solicitor to protect your property.

Defcon4 · 14/04/2021 10:15

Very strange. If the family estate is worth preserving surely your family has taken legal advice in the past and has an idea how to preserve it.

Assuming there are a number of nieces and nephews without some planning the assumption will be that everything will be sold and converted into cash in the future, so the idea they will have a problem with your husband having a share doesn’t seem to hold water.

LindaEllen · 14/04/2021 10:24

If they have gifted it to both of you, rather than you alone, and both of your names are on the deed, then of course half of it should be his to leave to whoever he chooses.

I'm not sure you should be getting married if you're going to hold it over him that it was YOUR family that gifted you the house and therefore in your mind it's more yours than his.

MayorGoodwaysChicken · 14/04/2021 12:01

@KrisAkabusi I think it’s pretty reasonable for me to conclude from the info given that the OP’s fiancée sounds like a grabby type, given that he seems to think it’s more than reasonable that half of a major asset from the OPs family estate should go to his relatives if she dies and not back to her family. That may be legally ok if they marry but morally it’s unpleasant. I can’t in a million years imagine my DH taking that attitude, he’d be embarrassed to try and explain why he thinks his relatives should get half of my family’s assets if we unfortunately died.

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