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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Arguments about wills

85 replies

ElleS86 · 13/04/2021 19:11

I’m not sure if I am being unreasonable but my parents have gifted me and my partner (soon to be husband) a house, we have been talking about making wills and he expects that when we both die the house will be split between his family and mine (we don’t have children) am I being unreasonable in thinking when we are both dead it should go back to my family and not his?

OP posts:

Soontobe60 · 14/04/2021 12:08

Legally if it’s been gifted to you then he has no claim on it at all as long as you are unmarried. For him to be able to live there if you die you need to make a will that states he is able to do this until such time as he moves, marries or dies, when it will revert to your estate.
If you don’t leave a will at all, it will follow the rules of intestacy.
He sounds very grabby tbh. If you left it to him in your will you could die tomorrow and in a few weeks he could marry, then if he dies it would all go to his wife unless his will stated otherwise.

VettiyaIruken · 14/04/2021 12:08

Instead of them giving you the house why not ask them to arrange it so that you and your partner having the right to live there until death then it passes to your nieces and nephews

TheLastLotus · 14/04/2021 12:12

[quote MayorGoodwaysChicken]@KrisAkabusi I think it’s pretty reasonable for me to conclude from the info given that the OP’s fiancée sounds like a grabby type, given that he seems to think it’s more than reasonable that half of a major asset from the OPs family estate should go to his relatives if she dies and not back to her family. That may be legally ok if they marry but morally it’s unpleasant. I can’t in a million years imagine my DH taking that attitude, he’d be embarrassed to try and explain why he thinks his relatives should get half of my family’s assets if we unfortunately died.[/quote]
Also as he benefits from living there rent free they can presumably save money as a couple to buy a third house that’s jointly owned - which they can will to whomever they like!

Winter2020 · 14/04/2021 12:31

One worst case scenario could be OP dying young and her partner/husband having a lifetime right to reside. Your partner could live with a new partner/their children in the house (on the family estate) and not move until he died an old man. He would be unlikely to move because the house would be free to live in. I think it would be more appropriate to add a lifetime right to reside later when you are older (assuming you are on the younger side). Your partner has a buy to let property so wouldn't be destitute and presumably both of you have life insurance with each other as the beneficiaries? If not you should look into this. So if you died after a short marriage your partner would have his buy to let and, say, 200K insurance in his pocket - so he would be ok in financial and housing terms.

Springisspringing2 · 14/04/2021 13:08

Interesting!
Doesn't it depend how long someone has lived there for?
He may keep it in good order, repairs etc money and physical help.. Surely he would deserve a share after years and years?
However after short time probably not..

And if he has his own property you either jointly own that and go on will or don't.. So it's equal.

Very tricky!!

AmyLou100 · 14/04/2021 13:10

Why should it go to his nieces and nephews ?

katy1213 · 14/04/2021 13:18

I think he needs to have a lifetime right to reside, until he remarries/acquires a new partner - because I doubt your parents are planning on setting him up for life with someone else should you die first. Which is why you need proper legal advice to cover all eventualities.

TheLastLotus · 14/04/2021 13:24

@Springisspringing2

Interesting! Doesn't it depend how long someone has lived there for? He may keep it in good order, repairs etc money and physical help.. Surely he would deserve a share after years and years? However after short time probably not..

And if he has his own property you either jointly own that and go on will or don't.. So it's equal.

Very tricky!!

That’s interesting - I hadn’t thought about repair contributions etc. It’s still balanced out by him not paying a mortgage though. If he had lifetime right to reside it wouldn’t matter as he wouldn’t be kicked out. And he has a BTL already. For me the key is his willingness to share the BTL.

timeisnotaline · 14/04/2021 13:26

If he hasn’t said of course my btl would also be split between our families it’s pretty grabby!! Very unsexy.
If it’s on a family estate and you aren’t having children he gets a lifetime right to live in it and it reverts to family.

LuaDipa · 14/04/2021 13:59

@timeisnotaline

If he hasn’t said of course my btl would also be split between our families it’s pretty grabby!! Very unsexy. If it’s on a family estate and you aren’t having children he gets a lifetime right to live in it and it reverts to family.

This. What did he have to say about his btl?

namechangemarch21 · 14/04/2021 14:04

I think its bizarre you wouldn't expect it to be a joint asset - my parents gave us a contribution to our house, and I 'expect' (as in balance of probabilities, not that I think I'm entitled to it) a big enough inheritance from them. All of this will be joint money between us, because. we're married and we share everything.

The fact its on your family estate complicates things, esp if there won't be children, but I would have thought his read on it was more typical than yours, assuming you're young enough - if this is your family home for 40 years, do you really think he'd have no rights to say what happens to it after he dies? Its keeping him the poor relation in lots of ways given neither of you earned the money to pay for the house.

Changechangychange · 14/04/2021 14:09

You need legal advice, before you get married. You could easily end up in a situation where you divorce and he forces you to sell up, or where you die first, he inherits, and leaves 100% of it to his nieces and nephews, or to his new second wife, or the Cats Protection League.

Have your parents actually put you on the deeds? Maybe a trust would be a better idea.

Springisspringing2 · 14/04/2021 14:15

Some people are incredibly handy... And if he can fix taps, notice when things need replacing, understand basics etc then he could save op a fortune.. On decorators, repairs...

Dacquoise · 14/04/2021 14:20

The only sure fire way to keep control of the inheritance is to not get married. Assets become joint on marriage and you cannot control another person's bequests in a will.

Properties can be pit in a trust but that is a complicated and expensive route and does not guarantee a spouses claim to lifetime residence in the property. I know of an ex wife who was given use of a house under trust as part of her settlement. She can live there until she dies and may also cohabit with a new partner or husband. The house goes back to the trust on her death.

PuggyMum · 14/04/2021 14:31

For me would depend on the relationship I had with his family.
My nieces and nephews from my DH side are very much my family. Born while we were together. I've watched them grow up and pre DD would have inherited an equal share of our estate with my nieces and nephews.

I also have nieces and nephews I have no contact with as I don't have a relationship with my DB's. They've got kids all over the place and I don't know them. So they were not included.

If you don't have a relationship with DH's family then why would he assume that they would inherit.

Aprilshowersandhail · 14/04/2021 14:45

No papers signed and he is showing he is a cf already. Stay unmarried op. He is a grabby git!
Out of curiosity were you planning on getting married before your dps mentioned a house?

harknesswitch · 14/04/2021 15:05

If he's got a buy to let and he's not gifting 50% to your family then I don't see how he can expect you to gift 50% of this house to his. CF

Just make your own will, give him a lifetime of living in it should you die first then gift it back to your family.

Rewis · 14/04/2021 15:21

I'm not ready to call him grabby based on this limited information. If op planned on renting this house out and they lived in an other property and he demanded half and she wouldn't get half of his BTL then fair enough. But since it sounds like they are planning on living in this property, it makes it different.

I think it comes down to financial expectations. Will op handle all financial obligations that come with home ownership? To what extent is he expected to contribute (or pay rent?)? Does he handle all expenses towards the BTL himself, does op benefit from it at all? What happens is you were to move house? To what extent will it be emotionally considered his house?

If he is expecting op to contribute towards his property then she should have some tight towards it. Same with the family estate. Based on very limited information, I'm not surprised he is not excited about the set up.

Marriage does not make financial sense in all cases. In this case where you both would have properties and no plans on having children it might be more beneficial to stay unmarried.

Aprilshowersandhail · 14/04/2021 15:24

Rewis hurry up and be ready.. Her bf is calculating way way ahead... With a property the op hasn't got yet.
Vultures spring to mind...

TeapotCollection · 14/04/2021 15:26

Do you already own the house? If not I’d ask your parents not to sign it over. Way too much to lose here with it being part of a family estate, especially with him having that attitude

IHateWinter88 · 14/04/2021 15:28

You need solicitor advice. This gift has huge financial implications and you need to protect yourself. The biggest concern for you should be divorce, not death.

Soothes · 14/04/2021 15:28

I don't think it's unreasonable for him to want a proper share in your joint home. He'll (presumably) have contributed to the upkeep and improvement of it for a lifetime and as a result won't have the opportunity to own a home to leave to his family.

In his shoes I wouldn't be agreeing to live in it with you if I was going to spend my whole life living in and paying for a house that wasn't considered "mine"

Aprilshowersandhail · 14/04/2021 15:31

Well he needs to be offering up 50 %of his btl in his will then doesn't he?

Rewis · 14/04/2021 15:34

@Aprilshowersandhail

Rewis hurry up and be ready.. Her bf is calculating way way ahead... With a property the op hasn't got yet. Vultures spring to mind...

Not denying that it is a possibility. However, I do also think that based on limited information it's fair enough to offer alternative on the off chance that he happens to be decent but not just agreeing with suggested set up 😉

HollowTalk · 14/04/2021 15:36

Wow, he comes across as a right cheeky bastard.

You know that marrying someone is one of the biggest decisions you'll ever make, OP? And if you don't get this sorted out now it'll be a nightmare in the future.

It really concerns me that you say: He has a buy to let property that I am not expecting my family to get a proportion of when we die as it’s his property.

I'd be reconsidering marrying him - I can't see why you'd put yourself in such a vulnerable position.

BTW is he generally a tight man?

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