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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think I shouldn't have been invited

122 replies

LadyHedgehog · 12/04/2021 14:55

DP has two siblings. His parents would like to do something to celebrate his mum's 60th at the start of May so we are looking at outside with the rule of six. One sibling is single, but the other one has a girlfriend of about a year, so nobody has seen her much in person, although we have met her over Zoom etc.

Basically, the girlfriend has not been invited to the celebration, because that would make seven. I feel very guilty that I am invited and she is not. I'm not sure there is anything to be done at this point though. I don't think me making an excuse will help at all, because she would still be a 'backup' option. I just think it would have been better if they had kept it to the five of them!

OP posts:

HercwasanEnemyofEducation · 12/04/2021 18:19

I really don't think anyone will be prosecuted for this. I'd lose my job if I got a conviction but I'd have 7 people in a garden instead of 6.

underneaththeash · 12/04/2021 18:21

If you live together and they don't then of course you should be invited.

Sceptre86 · 12/04/2021 18:27

You've been together 6 years so are part of the family, why wouldn't they invite you? You are most definitely overthinking it. They have only been together a year and if you haven't met her, had much of a chance to then a special birthday with restricted numbers wouldn't be the time. They could delay the party and invite more people or just let her come, is one person going to make all the difference, despite being against rules?

leftistbimbo · 12/04/2021 18:30

Maybe his mum doesn’t want her birthday celebration to be all about meeting the new partner?

However assuming the brother and his girlfriend still see each other not socially distanced, there is no greater risk of passing covid on if they both go anyway.

saraclara · 12/04/2021 18:34

Maybe his mum doesn’t want her birthday celebration to be all about meeting the new partner?

EXACTLY!

3Britnee · 12/04/2021 18:36

I don't think that's rude. No one knows her and numbers are limited. I wouldn't be offended if I were her.

golddustwomen · 12/04/2021 18:39

I think it's rude! This happened to me, my dp's family had a get together for his parents anniversary - we had been together 3 years at this point - and I wasn't invited but other siblings partners were. I was bloody hurt if I'm honest!
However your situation is slightly different because of this stupid rule of 6.
How do your dp and his brother feel about it?

GreyhoundG1rl · 12/04/2021 18:43

@golddustwomen

I think it's rude! This happened to me, my dp's family had a get together for his parents anniversary - we had been together 3 years at this point - and I wasn't invited but other siblings partners were. I was bloody hurt if I'm honest! However your situation is slightly different because of this stupid rule of 6. How do your dp and his brother feel about it?

Nobody knows the partner in this instance, so it's completely different. Obviously there was more going on in your case as they did know you...

greyscully · 12/04/2021 18:59

@golddustwomen

I think it's rude! This happened to me, my dp's family had a get together for his parents anniversary - we had been together 3 years at this point - and I wasn't invited but other siblings partners were. I was bloody hurt if I'm honest! However your situation is slightly different because of this stupid rule of 6. How do your dp and his brother feel about it?

So, this didn't happen to you.

You had been together 3 years, not 1.

There were no covid restrictions then.

More than slightly different...

Troyhelena · 12/04/2021 19:01

You seem really considerate and caring OP

emilyfrost · 12/04/2021 19:14

@golddustwomen

I think it's rude! This happened to me, my dp's family had a get together for his parents anniversary - we had been together 3 years at this point - and I wasn't invited but other siblings partners were. I was bloody hurt if I'm honest! However your situation is slightly different because of this stupid rule of 6. How do your dp and his brother feel about it?

I think it depends on how well they knew you compared to other partners, and whether you were just a girlfriend and not a wife if the others were married.

MiddleParking · 12/04/2021 19:32

Pretty dangerous to be married and judge how inclusive you should be of the people around you based on whether they’re married or not. There’s a reasonable likelihood you might end up not-married yourself again one day, through no choice that you’ve made, and at that point you’ll probably not want people to remember that you excluded them for being not married.

Original poster

LadyHedgehog · 13/04/2021 09:21

Nobody knows the partner in this instance

Not true - I said no-one has seen her much in real life, but the parents have met her a few times, and there have been lots of video calls.

I really don't think anyone will be prosecuted for this. I'd lose my job if I got a conviction but I'd have 7 people in a garden instead of 6

I never said it was in a garden. Venue is yet to be decided, but will likely be outdoors at a restaurant. For some people the risk is not worth it.

OP posts:

thebillyotea · 13/04/2021 09:27

Decent venues will not accommodate a party of 7 anyway, they don't want the fine and the bad publicity.

Even if you wanted a larger group, you wouldn't get it.

Unless someone suggests that the BIL and girl-friend make another booking and are given another table but can wave from far? great celebration!

Isaidnope · 13/04/2021 09:37

They could always invite the brother and his GF the day before or after on their own so she doesn’t feel completely left out. I can understand why they’d invite you over her though, they haven’t even met her in person yet.

PrincessTuna · 13/04/2021 09:39

It wouldnt bother me if I was the uninvited partner.

Blondeshavemorefun · 13/04/2021 13:49

They have met gf a few times

2Rebecca · 13/04/2021 15:09

If you can only have 6 you choose the 6 you are closest to. it seems very cutting off your nose to spite your face to say "if x can't come then y shouldn't come either" when y has been part of the extended family for longer and the numbers allow y to come. Not sure why you are trying to influence MIL's guest list. Not your problem.

GreyhoundG1rl · 13/04/2021 15:54

You are the very definition of a sticky beak, op. You might need to learn to recognise the difference between things that need your input and things that are simply none of your business.

HercwasanEnemyofEducation · 13/04/2021 22:13

Sit at 2 tables then if it's a restaurant. Are people really this silly?

You are also allowed over 6 if only 2 households.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 16/04/2021 08:49

There are two definitions for what new groups are allowed. One is the ‘rule of six’, meaning six people from many different households can now meet up outside. Children of any age are included in the count.

The other grouping allowed is two different households. This means that two large families can meet up outside even if together there are more than six people present. However, crucially, these meetings are only allowed outside - indoor mixing of households is still strictly barred. Outdoor settings both public and private - such as a garden - are allowed.

CrysPopBang · 16/04/2021 08:57

@SushiYum

Rule of 6 is pathetic, especially as you’re outdoors anyway! You’re not instantly going to catch Covid19 from having 7 people there. They should’ve invited her.

I'm sorry but do no not know the meaning of exponential?

The rule of 6 allows everyone to be able to socialise a bit while also keeping cases down. If everyone started having 7, 8, 9 ......... people together obviously the public health risk rises.

Some people cannot see beyond the tip of their nose. Me, me, me, eh?

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