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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think I shouldn't have been invited

122 replies

LadyHedgehog · 12/04/2021 14:55

DP has two siblings. His parents would like to do something to celebrate his mum's 60th at the start of May so we are looking at outside with the rule of six. One sibling is single, but the other one has a girlfriend of about a year, so nobody has seen her much in person, although we have met her over Zoom etc.

Basically, the girlfriend has not been invited to the celebration, because that would make seven. I feel very guilty that I am invited and she is not. I'm not sure there is anything to be done at this point though. I don't think me making an excuse will help at all, because she would still be a 'backup' option. I just think it would have been better if they had kept it to the five of them!

OP posts:

osbertthesyrianhamster · 12/04/2021 16:56

Some of us have actually followed the rules. The rest got away with light restrictions and not a strict lockdown thanks to us...

Haahaa! Yeah, sure that's what happened.

thebillyotea · 12/04/2021 16:57

@MiddleParking

Some of us have actually followed the rules. The rest got away with light restrictions and not a strict lockdown thanks to us...

That isn’t remotely true, but I suspect you know that.

It's not remotely true that the lockdown wasn't stricter because enough people followed it? Really? Just engage brain...

thebillyotea · 12/04/2021 16:58

If less idiots had ignored the rules, we would have had a Christmas to start with, but anyway.

GreyhoundG1rl · 12/04/2021 16:58

@osbertthesyrianhamster

Some of us have actually followed the rules. The rest got away with light restrictions and not a strict lockdown thanks to us...

Haahaa! Yeah, sure that's what happened.

What's with all the sneering? It's making some of you look quite dim.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 12/04/2021 16:59

What's with all the sneering? It's making some of you look quite dim.

. The truth is not sneering. Or dim.

I need to go get dinner started, people are coming over.

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 12/04/2021 17:02

If they were only going to invite one of you, then the one who has been a part of the family for 6 years makes the most sense.

However, I would have arranged things differently with invites being spread through the day, so everyone got to visit.

Just not inviting her seems mean & short sighted (unable to think outside the box).

DontBeRidiculous · 12/04/2021 17:20

I wouldn't worry about it. It's not up to you who was invited.

You have a relationship with his mother, since you've met her before and have been with her son for six years. His brother's girlfriend is a relatively new relationship, no-one has been able to meet her, yet, and very likely she's not sad that she'll miss out on someone's 60th birthday celebration. It's not as though they've invited the whole neighbourhood and intentionally left her out.

Lweji · 12/04/2021 17:20

@osbertthesyrianhamster

Some of us have actually followed the rules. The rest got away with light restrictions and not a strict lockdown thanks to us...

Haahaa! Yeah, sure that's what happened.

What do YOU think happened?

Lweji · 12/04/2021 17:22

OP, it makes perfect sense to invite a long term partner/fg of 6 years, with whom they have established a relationship (I assume) than a one year gf they hardly know.

It might be considered rude if there were no restrictions. But even that is debatable, IMO.

Blondeshavemorefun · 12/04/2021 17:31

if you really feel that bad say to mil you feel bad that gf isnt invited as will be 7

so you will decline and inlaws spend birthday with her 3 sons

assume other one doesnt have a gf/wife

Onlinedilema · 12/04/2021 17:32

I don’t see a problem. Be thankful you are invited. Neither myself or Bil weren’t invited to ex pils special celebration. I had been married to their son for 15 years!!!
In the end nobody attended.

saraclara · 12/04/2021 17:34

@Blondeshavemorefun

if you really feel that bad say to mil you feel bad that gf isnt invited as will be 7

so you will decline and inlaws spend birthday with her 3 sons

assume other one doesnt have a gf/wife

And guilt the mother? Why do that?

Blondeshavemorefun · 12/04/2021 17:36

no need for guilt 7 isnt allowed

mum can have her 3 sons

maybe next day son and gf can go over

Aprilx · 12/04/2021 17:36

As you mention it, yes it is a bit rude to invite you and not the partner of another sibling. It could have been an ideal time for him/ her to meet the rest of the family. I don’t think it is your problem though, that is for the other sibling to decide if it is an issue or not, for that reason, I think that you are overthinking it.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 12/04/2021 17:37

They know you, but they don't know her. It's not anyone's fault that the rule is 6 people, and you have no reason to feel guilty - it's just one of those things is all.

GreyhoundG1rl · 12/04/2021 17:38

@Blondeshavemorefun

if you really feel that bad say to mil you feel bad that gf isnt invited as will be 7

so you will decline and inlaws spend birthday with her 3 sons

assume other one doesnt have a gf/wife

It would be incredibly uppity to say anything of the sort. The MIL has extended an invitation, she doesn't deserve a lecture on op's view of the wisdom of her guest list. Op is being very strange going into battle for this person she's never met and who is very likely perfectly happy not to have been invited. Can't understand why she's intent on shitstirring.

Bimblybomeyelash · 12/04/2021 17:43

I think you are being a bit of a drama queen. You are their daughter in law and part of the family. Of course you get an invite.

Ohnomoreno · 12/04/2021 17:46

She should either postpone the party or stuff the arbitrary rule. It just means "don't have a rave" and they pulled a number out of a hat.

KitBiscuit · 12/04/2021 17:47

@LadyHedgehog Are you the new GF by any chance? Because it doesn't make much sense for the "established" GF to react like this. I'm sorry but it's just weird.

saraclara · 12/04/2021 17:53

[quote KitBiscuit]@LadyHedgehog Are you the new GF by any chance? Because it doesn't make much sense for the "established" GF to react like this. I'm sorry but it's just weird. [/quote]
Yep. It's also really arrogant to ignore the fact that her partner's mother is the host and she can invite whoever she likes. Jeeze, it's bad enough to be celebrating a big birthday during the rule of six. If my offspring's partner had started telling me who I should have invited for MY 60th, I'd have been very unimpressed.

Original poster

LadyHedgehog · 12/04/2021 17:58

Oh my goodness! Apparently I am very weird and making this all about me when it’s nothing to do with me.

I am definitely not the new girlfriend, but she seems lovely and I know how hard it is to be the newcomer in a very close family, so I was worried about her and DP’s sibling’s feelings.

I worry about other peoples’ feelings and that’s a part of who I am, but sometimes I worry too much, so I thought I would sense check my feelings here.

Obviously the huge majority here think IABU, which is great, because it means I can go without feeling guilty at all.

OP posts:

Original poster

LadyHedgehog · 12/04/2021 18:00

If my offspring's partner had started telling me who I should have invited for MY 60th, I'd have been very unimpressed.

As I imagine anyone would and I have no intention of doing any such thing.

OP posts:

SushiYum · 12/04/2021 18:01

Rule of 6 is pathetic, especially as you’re outdoors anyway! You’re not instantly going to catch Covid19 from having 7 people there. They should’ve invited her.

DelphiniumBlue · 12/04/2021 18:01

People invite each other because of how well they know each other, whether they like each other, and in the case of families, sometimes how longstanding a relationship is . You refer to your DP, and say you have been with him for 6 years- that's a fairly longterm arrangement, and you probably know his Mum. Maybe you live together.
On the other hand, the brother's girlfriend has never met the Mum. Why do you think she should be invited to a family do? A girlfriend of a year just isn't family yet, although she might be in the longterm.

GreyhoundG1rl · 12/04/2021 18:01

As I imagine anyone would and I have no intention of doing any such thing.
So what was all that nonsense about, then?

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