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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I shouldn't have been invited

122 replies

LadyHedgehog · 12/04/2021 14:55

DP has two siblings. His parents would like to do something to celebrate his mum's 60th at the start of May so we are looking at outside with the rule of six. One sibling is single, but the other one has a girlfriend of about a year, so nobody has seen her much in person, although we have met her over Zoom etc.

Basically, the girlfriend has not been invited to the celebration, because that would make seven. I feel very guilty that I am invited and she is not. I'm not sure there is anything to be done at this point though. I don't think me making an excuse will help at all, because she would still be a 'backup' option. I just think it would have been better if they had kept it to the five of them!

OP posts:
katy1213 · 12/04/2021 15:36

I shouldn't think the girlfriend cares. Why would she want a dinner with people she barely knows?
They've invited the people they wanted to invite - no need to stir up bad feeling about it.

ExConstance · 12/04/2021 15:38

There is another thread going at the moment where most of us think meeting parents sooner than one to two years into a relationship is a bit odd!

SleepingStandingUp · 12/04/2021 15:39

I think given the last yr, it's reasonable. You are part of the family she's a new gf. Do both couples live together? Has the bro said anything? Could your do a family thing in a few weeks just to be together the 7 of you?

saraclara · 12/04/2021 15:39

Again, this is about no-one but the mum..it's her big birthday, she wants her family and the partner she knows.

No-one wants to have to be on best behaviour on their big birthday because they're meeting an offspring's partner for the first time. For goodness' sake, give her a relaxed and happy day, and stop making it about your own feeling of obligation.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 12/04/2021 15:40

Could you and DP leave a bit earlier and they come after so you don't have more than 6 at a time, or are you actually two households? In which case i think its allowed.

There are two definitions for what new groups are allowed. One is the ‘rule of six’, meaning six people from many different households can now meet up outside. Children of any age are included in the count, which means if six adults met and one of them was carrying a baby that would strictly be against the rules.

The other grouping allowed is two different households. This means that two large families can meet up outside even if together there are more than six people present. However, crucially, these meetings are only allowed outside - indoor mixing of households is still strictly barred. Outdoor settings both public and private - such as a garden - are allowed.

Tal45 · 12/04/2021 15:42

I don't think you should feel guilty or bad, you didn't even make the decision of who was/wasn't to be invited. You have been invited though so make the most of it would be my advice and be glad that you are liked enough for them to want to include you.

RampantIvy · 12/04/2021 15:46

Please don't feel guilty. You sound lovely and caring.

MintLampShade · 12/04/2021 15:47

YABU. And I think you are overreacting. Has anyone even asked the new girlfriend if she was even bothered? If I was her, I definitely wouldn't be offended. It's a pandemic, there is a rule of 6. It's nothing personal.

WeAllHaveWings · 12/04/2021 15:50

They have a limitation on numbers and they don't really know his new girlfriend.

If I was you I would go and not feel guilty.

If I was her I would understand the circumstances.

Has there been something said that she is upset at the lack on invite or are you just assuming?

Incywincyspinsters · 12/04/2021 15:50

If I were her I’d be thrilled I didn’t have to go to the party and be surrounded by an entire family I hadn’t met yet 😬

SpiderinaWingMirror · 12/04/2021 15:50

I think you are over thinking it!
It can only be six, so parents, 3 siblings plus you as you've been in their lives 6 years is sensible.
Is anyone else actually upset about this?

Canigooutyet · 12/04/2021 15:51

If you back out there is no saying that the other partner will be invited anyway. If the person wanted everyone e there they would have delayed it a few weeks.

rainyskylight · 12/04/2021 15:52

I think you're overthinking it. The 1 yr gf may well be thinking it's far too intense to meet the family for the first time at an intimate 60th birthday party for her partner's mother.

Twickerhun · 12/04/2021 15:56

When posters are saying that 7 is fine... do they not stop to think that op might be police or a politician or someone who can’t break the rules

sillysmiles · 12/04/2021 15:56

*We've been together six years.

I just feel that she and I have the same 'status' (partner of offspring) so we should be both be included or excluded in events. Obviously Covid would mean excluded in this case.*

Bu tyou are not the same "status". You know everyone and have been part of the family for years. No one knows her yet and has only been around a short while.
You are overthinking this.

Additionally, she may not want to meet everyone en mass for the first time she meets his family in person.

MiddleParking · 12/04/2021 15:58

@Twickerhun

When posters are saying that 7 is fine... do they not stop to think that op might be police or a politician or someone who can’t break the rules
Blimey, they wouldn’t be my first two ideas of professions that can’t break the rules!
BigSandyBalls2015 · 12/04/2021 15:59

Politician!! I'm creasing here Grin

Twickerhun · 12/04/2021 16:00

I know an mp on here :)

Alsohuman · 12/04/2021 16:02

@Twickerhun

When posters are saying that 7 is fine... do they not stop to think that op might be police or a politician or someone who can’t break the rules
If OP was a politician she wouldn’t give the rules a second thought.
thebillyotea · 12/04/2021 16:02

It's hardly rude to prioritise a long-term partner or wife over a recent girl-friend.

You can always decline to leave her your spot if you are that bothered.
It would have been weirder to invite her and not you!

LivingDeadGirlUK · 12/04/2021 16:03

I don't think its odd as they haven't met her yet, they could well be setting up another gathering to do that just them and your parents.

Original poster
LadyHedgehog · 12/04/2021 16:04

@Twickerhun

When posters are saying that 7 is fine... do they not stop to think that op might be police or a politician or someone who can’t break the rules
Thanks Twickerhun!

Sometimes you have to follow rules, however much common sense dictates that the rules are ridiculous! There are many jobs/positions where being convicted of a criminal offence will lead to immediate termination, and for some people it's not worth the risk.

Appreciate that not all people are in the same situation, and no judgement on anyone else, but for this particular group, breaking the rules is not an option!

OP posts:
BrilliantBetty · 12/04/2021 16:05

It's fine. You've been together much longer and are a more established couple.

It would be nice if they'd invite her too (1 extra, who cares). But I doubt she'll be that put out or sorry to miss it.

Don't let it play on your mind, it's not your issue

Oblomov21 · 12/04/2021 16:08

What else are they expected to do? These aren't normal times, where they've not invited one, so it's rude. This is limited, by rule of 6.

ShirleyPhallus · 12/04/2021 16:08

How will the girlfriend get to know the family if she doesn’t get invited to stuff?

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