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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I shouldn't have been invited

122 replies

LadyHedgehog · 12/04/2021 14:55

DP has two siblings. His parents would like to do something to celebrate his mum's 60th at the start of May so we are looking at outside with the rule of six. One sibling is single, but the other one has a girlfriend of about a year, so nobody has seen her much in person, although we have met her over Zoom etc.

Basically, the girlfriend has not been invited to the celebration, because that would make seven. I feel very guilty that I am invited and she is not. I'm not sure there is anything to be done at this point though. I don't think me making an excuse will help at all, because she would still be a 'backup' option. I just think it would have been better if they had kept it to the five of them!

OP posts:
WineTheBobbin · 12/04/2021 16:10

If it was my birthday I'd want to spend it with the people I know. I won't feel as relaxed meeting someone for the first time (although they've met on zoom it's not really the same as meeting in person).

saraclara · 12/04/2021 16:11

@ShirleyPhallus

How will the girlfriend get to know the family if she doesn’t get invited to stuff?
At a time when it isn't the mum's 60th birthday? Like any time other than that one day?
sillysmiles · 12/04/2021 16:18

@ShirleyPhallus

How will the girlfriend get to know the family if she doesn’t get invited to stuff?
Surely she doesn't need to meet them all together and can meet them individually over the next few months.
Procrastination4 · 12/04/2021 16:19

It makes complete sense to invite you rather than somebody your DP’s mother doesn’t know. Go and don’t be feeling guilty (or critical). Our yourself in the place of the person whose birthday it is. Of course you’d want someone you know there rather than someone you don’t.

Procrastination4 · 12/04/2021 16:20

“Put” not “Our”.

EverythingRuined · 12/04/2021 16:20

I don’t see the issue at all. If I were the person doing the inviting I’d mention it to your partners brother and apologise and say something nice. Perhaps say that they are looking forward to having a special get together with everyone once the restrictions are lifted.

thebillyotea · 12/04/2021 16:24

@ShirleyPhallus

How will the girlfriend get to know the family if she doesn’t get invited to stuff?
BIL can invite his relatives for diner in turn if it's so urgent.
SpikeTruman · 12/04/2021 16:26

I break the law all the time, especially this last year. Fuck it!

eatsleepread · 12/04/2021 16:27

YABU. Six years trumps one.

PenguinBarnotBird · 12/04/2021 16:28

There’s a chance it suits MIL to not invite new girlfriend.
You said one of the siblings is single OP, perhaps MIL prefers to invite only the long-standing DIL otherwise one of her children will be the only attendee without a partner?

Deadringer · 12/04/2021 16:30

@Rukaya

They know you, they don't know her. I'm not seeing the issue here at all.
Yep
saraclara · 12/04/2021 16:32

@EverythingRuined

I don’t see the issue at all. If I were the person doing the inviting I’d mention it to your partners brother and apologise and say something nice. Perhaps say that they are looking forward to having a special get together with everyone once the restrictions are lifted.
OP doesn't have to apologise for anything. Jeeze, that just draws attention to the situation.

This is NOT about the OP, who seems to be making herself the centre of this. Her partner's mother is celebrating her 60th birthday, and has chosen who she wants to spend it with. End of. It's is none of OP's business.

SarahBellam · 12/04/2021 16:34

Why would she invite son’s girlfriend? She doesn’t know her. She knows you. I would have zero problem with this, and if I was the girlfriend I’d be pleased to be getting out of it.

Dentistlakes · 12/04/2021 16:38

I don’t think it’s rude at all. After 6 years together you are an established member of the family. Whilst in a normal situation the brother’s girlfriend would be invited, the rules don’t allow it right now. If I were her I wouldn’t be offended by this in the slightest. It’s about the mother’s 60th, not her.

mindutopia · 12/04/2021 16:40

This sounds sensible of them and not rude at all. BIL has a new sort of girlfriend (I won't say partner, as she isn't, just someone he has started seeing in the past year). I have never met her. I wouldn't invite her to my birthday (though I would invite BIL). It's my birthday and I wouldn't want it to be the occasion I met someone new for the first time. I absolutely would invite a partner of 6 years who I knew presumably fairly well from previous family events.

butterry · 12/04/2021 16:45

If she doesn't know the new girlfriend that well she may not want to spend a special event making small talk with her. You obviously have been around for 6 years and she sees you as part of the family. You should be there to help celebrate with her. I don't think it's rude in these times of Covid rules.

AryaStarkWolf · 12/04/2021 16:47

meh I'd have 7 there and invite you both, it's only one extra person, who is going to know about it?

Allwokedup · 12/04/2021 16:47

Are people really only having 6 people!? Come on.

GreyhoundG1rl · 12/04/2021 16:48

Just go or don't go. It's not your place to feel bad on someone else's behalf like this. It's neither your party nor your decision who was on the guest list.

thebillyotea · 12/04/2021 16:49

@Allwokedup

Are people really only having 6 people!? Come on.
some are...

Some of us have actually followed the rules. The rest got away with light restrictions and not a strict lockdown thanks to us...

peak2021 · 12/04/2021 16:50

Two celebrations perhaps, one for lunch, one for tea? New girlfriend only meets DPs parents with boyfriend, no one else?

GreyhoundG1rl · 12/04/2021 16:53

@peak2021

Two celebrations perhaps, one for lunch, one for tea? New girlfriend only meets DPs parents with boyfriend, no one else?
That's not op's call to make, she hasn't been tasked with organising the event; she's just been invited. I don't get all the handwringing from op, tbh, she's never even met this person in real life. Get a grip, op. It's not your business, really.
MiddleParking · 12/04/2021 16:53

Some of us have actually followed the rules. The rest got away with light restrictions and not a strict lockdown thanks to us...

That isn’t remotely true, but I suspect you know that.

saraclara · 12/04/2021 16:55

@peak2021

Two celebrations perhaps, one for lunch, one for tea? New girlfriend only meets DPs parents with boyfriend, no one else?
It's not OP's day. It's not her birthday, it's not her party. This is not her problem to solve, nor is it her place to suggest any amendment to the mother's plan.

In fact it's not actually a problem at all.

Hollyhead · 12/04/2021 16:56

Jeez just go with 7 - it won't make any difference.