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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU about people peeping in garden (pic inc)

123 replies

Futuremrs · 12/04/2021 14:36

I live in a newish estate so appreciate gardens are pretty close together and I can see in my neighbours garden from my upstairs windows.

I share a fence with 2 others. Our ndn and the people at the back. Don’t have a problem with either of them, get on well with ndn and actually work at same place with both ndn and other people we share fence with.

People at the back of our two houses have spent quite a bit of time and money on their garden. They have decking all around the perimeter and have created a sitting area (I think) against the fence we share with them at the back. The decking is quite high, about a foot off the ground.

When they have people over (frequently) they congregate at this seating area but I have noticed whilst most are sitting there is one person constantly standing and it means he can look into our garden (and does) very easily. He doesn’t need to tiptoe or anything. I can look into the back garden and just see a floating head.

I feel a little uncomfortable with this. I have a daughter that in the summer will be out in swimming costumes or pants and T-shirt etc. As does our ndn.

It isn’t the neighbours head I see, it’s someone who doesn’t live there, she has young adult sons and it looks like one of their friends (around 22).

Would I be unreasonable to ask her to ask him to not keep looking in? Should I put something on top of the (6ft) fence to hinder his view or should I just leave it.

I have no problem saying anything just wanted to know if I was being a bit of a dick mentioning it. Like I say it’s not the couple that live there, it’s a guest.

YANBU - say something
YABU - leave it it’s their garden and guests

AIBU about people peeping in garden (pic inc)

OP posts:

Abfabfanjo · 12/04/2021 17:06

Trellis and fast growing ivy sorted out our privacy issues with next door.
You can get fake ivy until the real ivy is established.

Waspie · 12/04/2021 17:08

If it's the neighbour's fence then OP cannot attach anything to it without their agreement anyway. It looks like a nice little corner so I would go with the bamboo option. Or perhaps a playhouse or shed.

blowinahoolie · 12/04/2021 17:10

Plant Leylandii. Problem solved.

DarkMatterA2Z · 12/04/2021 17:11

I like the idea of a tree house or viewing platform. Maybe with a little window with curtains. You can turn the tables on them by simultaneously blocking their view of your garden and allowing your DC to peer into theirs.

Proudboomer · 12/04/2021 17:13

Who owns the fence? As you can’t go adding plants or trellis to a fence you don’t own.
If you are that bothered by it then you need to break the line of sight. Either a pergola or other structure in your own garden or grow something along the border that will grow over 6 ft tall.

CovidCorvid · 12/04/2021 17:13

Put a trellis along the top of the fence, grow ivy. You’ll easily get a couple more feet of privacy.

belinda789 · 12/04/2021 17:14

The lovely flowering Clematis Montana grows like crazy and will soon densely cover a trellis. Bamboo is OK but would take longer (and is invasive unless planted in tubs). Best of luck with this......

Proudboomer · 12/04/2021 17:15

@DarkMatterA2Z

They would need planning permission for a tree house and any sort of platform

Onlinedilema · 12/04/2021 17:20

Be careful with bamboo as belinda says it needs to be in a pot or it can be invasive. You can get screens made from bamboo though

nancywhitehead · 12/04/2021 17:20

Just block the view.

There's no point saying anything because it will just cause a weird atmosphere and won't stop other people looking in future if they want to.

If people can see your garden from their houses then there could be people looking anyway.

Classicbrunette · 12/04/2021 17:24

A pergola with a clematis if it’s not your fence !

Aprilx · 12/04/2021 17:27

You have bought a house with a garden that is back to back with somebody else’s garden. At times, somebody is bound to be facing the direction of your garden. You say he must be staring because you have caught his eye a few times, so you were doing the exact same thing.

I think you and your DH are being utterly ridiculous.

SeriouslyAreYouSerious · 12/04/2021 17:43

I think any garden structure with a platform over 30cm above the ground needs planning permissions

Kokosrieksts · 12/04/2021 17:47

Put bamboo pots or similar up the fence. It would be very unreasonable to ask them not to stand up in their garden.

MistyGreenAndBlue · 12/04/2021 17:48

No no no. You march up to him and say "what are YOU lookin' at?" And black his eyes.
Then enclose your entire garden in a translucent bio dome.

itsnotmeitsu · 12/04/2021 17:51

If you're able to do this, do it. I'd definately want to keep the garden as private as possible. We have a conifer hedge on one boundary and have always kept it to 6 foot, with us paying gardener for it to be trimmed; although it was a hedge we took on when we moved in.

Our garden was so peaceful. About two years ago our direct neighbour bought up a bungalow next to them, together with a developer, and sold off a large part of their garden. We now have, on our boundary, two semi-detached bungalows and eight apartments (if you can call them that) going up. I'll be letting the hedge grow at least another couple of feet because they're now so many windows facing towards us. What was private is now the opposite.

We're both east facing, so I won't be blocking out anybody's sunlight.

StarlightLady · 12/04/2021 17:51

I’d go for the trellis idea, bamboo, climbing roses, clematis and vines all grow well in pots. I agree it can be annoying. I once had a neighbour, now moved away, who complained to me about me putting my underwear on my own washing line and hanging washing out on Sundays. Yet you have to struggle to look into my garden.

BlokeHereInPeace · 12/04/2021 18:17

Anything over 2m usually needs planning permission, but whether any local authority is going to bother sending someone out to investigate a complaint about a trellis that goes to about 2.5m I have my doubts. It sounds like a decent solution for all sides, and better than falling out with them, which never ends well. Perhaps tell them that you are doing it, and say that you are sure that they will appreciate the additional privacy.

Zandathepanda · 12/04/2021 18:17

Put a shed or arbour with a pent roof (highest side to the front) or a roof with the ridge parallel to the fence. You can get away with much higher if it’s a structure within your garden.

LibbyL92 · 12/04/2021 18:17

Go and offer the poor boy a seat. 😂 I feel sorry for him always isn’t having to stand up.

Maybe they ran out of money after doing the decking for an extra seat!

Gwenhwyfar · 12/04/2021 19:28

"One youngish man is the gawper. He should be tackled, even if it's on the basis of 'it's rude to stare'."

It's rude to stare at a person - it's not rude to stare at a thing. If I have a view of your garden, I can look into it if I want to and as I said I regularly look at my neighbours' gardens.

GreenSlide · 12/04/2021 19:29

Disappointed that the picture isn't literally a picture of someone peeking over into your garden.

You can't ban people from looking into your garden. That's like those celebrities who say 'no eye contact please!' Block his view.

blowinahoolie · 12/04/2021 19:38

"Disappointed that the picture isn't literally a picture of someone peeking over into your garden."

I was actually expecting to see that too. Was totally deflated when I saw OP's drawing 🤣

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