Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

AIBU about people peeping in garden (pic inc)

123 replies

Futuremrs · 12/04/2021 14:36

I live in a newish estate so appreciate gardens are pretty close together and I can see in my neighbours garden from my upstairs windows.

I share a fence with 2 others. Our ndn and the people at the back. Don’t have a problem with either of them, get on well with ndn and actually work at same place with both ndn and other people we share fence with.

People at the back of our two houses have spent quite a bit of time and money on their garden. They have decking all around the perimeter and have created a sitting area (I think) against the fence we share with them at the back. The decking is quite high, about a foot off the ground.

When they have people over (frequently) they congregate at this seating area but I have noticed whilst most are sitting there is one person constantly standing and it means he can look into our garden (and does) very easily. He doesn’t need to tiptoe or anything. I can look into the back garden and just see a floating head.

I feel a little uncomfortable with this. I have a daughter that in the summer will be out in swimming costumes or pants and T-shirt etc. As does our ndn.

It isn’t the neighbours head I see, it’s someone who doesn’t live there, she has young adult sons and it looks like one of their friends (around 22).

Would I be unreasonable to ask her to ask him to not keep looking in? Should I put something on top of the (6ft) fence to hinder his view or should I just leave it.

I have no problem saying anything just wanted to know if I was being a bit of a dick mentioning it. Like I say it’s not the couple that live there, it’s a guest.

YANBU - say something
YABU - leave it it’s their garden and guests

AIBU about people peeping in garden (pic inc)

OP posts:

CuriousaboutSamphire · 12/04/2021 16:08

I don't know. I'd have thought it's just trying to explain the general discomfort of being watched in your own back garden.

I know I don't like it, even when fully clothed and doing nothing but sitting and talking to the dog!

DontBeRidiculous · 12/04/2021 16:10

It really doesn't matter whether or not OP even has a young daughter. I'd be mightily annoyed if someone (neighbour or neighbour's guest or anyone else, for that matter) was frequently peering over the fence into my private garden.

Yes, someone might be able to watch you from a higher window in their house next door, but at least then you probably won't know about it. It's impolite to openly watch someone on their private property. I'd wonder what was wrong with such a person. He's an adult, not a nosy child who hasn't been taught better, and he should be aware that most people won't welcome the intrusion.

I'd put up a physical barrier to prevent him looking in, but in the meantime, if I saw him doing it, I'd ask if I could help him with anything, in an effort to get the hint across that he's being obtrusive.

gannett · 12/04/2021 16:10

I'm still not sure whether this man is actively staring into the OP's garden, which would be creepy, or whether he's just looking around, as you do when you're socialising in someone's garden, and his height means that he can thus see into her garden? Because the latter really is a stupid thing to worry about. People suggesting drenching him as though he's a stray cat? Madness.

Fairydustrust · 12/04/2021 16:10

Or just make him wear this while he stands there.

Suzi888 · 12/04/2021 16:14

Don’t they need planning permission for a raised Dec? I’d get something to screen off the area, trellis with the fake leaves, grow a tree. I wouldn’t say anything as they can’t really police where their guests look and I wouldn’t want to rock the boat.

HaveringWavering · 12/04/2021 16:14

I'd have thought it's just trying to explain the general discomfort of being watched in your own back garden.

Exactly, worry about that, not about the bloke being a peadophile!

HunkyPunk · 12/04/2021 16:14

Suzi888 · 12/04/2021 16:15

You can’t just soak someone with a hose pipe, that’s assault.

HunkyPunk · 12/04/2021 16:16

The was to Fairydustrust's post!

eatsleepread · 12/04/2021 16:18

This is absolutely bonkers, especially the accompanying diagram

HunkyPunk · 12/04/2021 16:19

Why not take a couple of 'spare' garden chairs over to your neighbour and ask if they'd be of any use to her, as you can't help noticing there's always someone left standing up, when they gather on the decking!

thebillyotea · 12/04/2021 16:23

Do you have a young child available by any chance?

YOU can't soak them unfortunately, but a silly child getting over-excited with his hose pipe while watering his newly planted seeds....

CuriousaboutSamphire · 12/04/2021 16:24

@eatsleepread

This is absolutely bonkers, especially the accompanying diagram

You've not see the multitudinous cries of "diagram" on parking posts and similar then

It's an MN law, you know!

ginghamtablecloths · 12/04/2021 16:31

I'd put trellis at the top of the fence, failing that I'd build a pergola very near to it with trellis at its back (or even just trellis) and then plant something against it to provide a barrier which would be very much more difficult to peer through.

To enjoy a garden privacy is very important - prying eyes make for discomfort.

peak2021 · 12/04/2021 16:32

One youngish man is the gawper. He should be tackled, even if it's on the basis of 'it's rude to stare'. Whether it is directly or you have a conversation with your ndn is up to you, they might well be embarrassed by his behaviour.

Collaborate · 12/04/2021 16:34

It looks from your diagram as if the decking covers more than half their garden. If so, this will need planning permission. www.planningportal.co.uk/info/200130/common_projects/11/decking

AbstractHeart · 12/04/2021 16:49

Do they have a sofa against the fence, facing their garden? If so then the only logical way for someone to face while socialising with people sitting there is towards the fence. Perhaps he has a medical condition that means it's more comfortable to stand than sit down.

FreekStar · 12/04/2021 16:53

God forbid someone sees a child in a swimming costume! , like they can't go and see a whole host of children in swimsuits at any pool, beach or public water park!

HopeHappy · 12/04/2021 16:55

A neighbour of ours did this with a raised garden, but theirs was about 18 inches high so it's a full head and shoulders above the fence line when someone was walking on it (which thankfully they didn't do often).

NDN contacted the council who took great interest in it and forced them to apply for retrospective planning permission for the raised garden. It was accepted but only on the proviso that they replaced the fence for something that was 6 foot high on their side. My NDN now has a hideous 7.5 foot fence at the bottom of their garden as a result, but at least they're not subjected to people looking over easily now. She can disguise the fence with plants, etc.

alpenguin · 12/04/2021 16:55

Just be aware any structure over 2m on the fence may require planning consent... although a garden shed or pergola can be 2.5 m without planning.

HopeHappy · 12/04/2021 16:56

I would probably mention something to the neighbour though, even if it's just a "I'm going to install some trellis to the top of the office. No offence, but it's not particularly comfortable to have someone being able to look over the fence."

TeddingtonTrashbag · 12/04/2021 16:57

Put up a trellis. You can get ones covered in fake ivy.

Pupster21 · 12/04/2021 17:01

Pleached trees are the answer

beginningoftheend · 12/04/2021 17:02

I don;t get why people are giving you a hard time really OP, I would prefer my neighbours/their visitors to be not staring into my garden, There is a clear difference between 'neighbours enjoying their garden and being vaguely aware of each other' and 'neighbours standing on raised platform facing into someone else's garden'.

I'm another suggesting try bamboo plants - be careful to buy clumping not running or read up how to contain running bamboo before planting - some bamboo varieties can grow up to the height of your house so choose carefully www.gardenersworld.com/how-to/grow-plants/how-to-grow-bamboo/

beginningoftheend · 12/04/2021 17:02

@alpenguin

Just be aware any structure over 2m on the fence may require planning consent... although a garden shed or pergola can be 2.5 m without planning.

Well placed shed might solve the problem then!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5