AIBU about people peeping in garden (pic inc)

[Futuremrs]

I live in a newish estate so appreciate gardens are pretty close together and I can see in my neighbours garden from my upstairs windows.

I share a fence with 2 others. Our ndn and the people at the back. Don’t have a problem with either of them, get on well with ndn and actually work at same place with both ndn and other people we share fence with.

People at the back of our two houses have spent quite a bit of time and money on their garden. They have decking all around the perimeter and have created a sitting area (I think) against the fence we share with them at the back. The decking is quite high, about a foot off the ground.

When they have people over (frequently) they congregate at this seating area but I have noticed whilst most are sitting there is one person constantly standing and it means he can look into our garden (and does) very easily. He doesn’t need to tiptoe or anything. I can look into the back garden and just see a floating head.

I feel a little uncomfortable with this. I have a daughter that in the summer will be out in swimming costumes or pants and T-shirt etc. As does our ndn.

It isn’t the neighbours head I see, it’s someone who doesn’t live there, she has young adult sons and it looks like one of their friends (around 22).

Would I be unreasonable to ask her to ask him to not keep looking in? Should I put something on top of the (6ft) fence to hinder his view or should I just leave it.

I have no problem saying anything just wanted to know if I was being a bit of a dick mentioning it. Like I say it’s not the couple that live there, it’s a guest.

YANBU - say something
YABU - leave it it’s their garden and guests

You are complaining about a man looking over your fence but admit you can see their back garden from your window. To the point where you are aware of the entire lay out of their garden. Surely they can do the same from their back window?

Surely anyone suggesting that can’t be serious?

Do we really need emojis for every joke?

You can get trellis with artificial ivy attached to it, OP, if you want an instant coverage, then as other PP have said, grow some real plants up the fence and train these over the trellis and artificial leaves when they reach the top of the existing fence.

OP is it the case that this chap can easily position himself so he's not looking at your garden? If so, I would comment on it next time.

YABU for buying a house on a new build estate and then being surprised people can see into your garden. Poor man is just trying to speak to his mate in his mate's garden and you're obsessed he's gawping at your daughter. Put up a bit of trellis and move on.

Perhaps he’s a keen gardener and is admiring your garden.

My rear neighbour is very tall. He also looks like a floating head when he's in the back garden. Luckily he seems to realise this and doesn't spent his time facing our house. I just see his head go back and forth as he mows the grass etc.

Just pop in a planter with some bamboo or similar - you can get nice ones with trellis attached if you don't want to attach directly to the fence.

Put something on the fence. You are right OP all males are paedophiles and will be watching your daughter in the summer if you don't speak out.

I'm being sarcastic btw.

Thanks everyone.

He is definitely looking in. We have had eye contact and because I was surprised I looked away first. Hence me asking. He has been looking into the garden a few times.

No I don’t take my daughter to a beach often. We are in the Midlands. No where near a beach so she has the paddling pool out. Hence the costume.

Yea I can see I my neighbours garden but I don’t stand at the top window staring into it. Why would I?!? I know about the work done as I mentioned we work together and speak regularly.

@FireflyRainbow

Put something on the fence. You are right OP all males are paedophiles and will be watching your daughter in the summer if you don't speak out.

Helpful thank you. Not at all what I was implying. I’m sure you would have no problems with anyone staring over your garden fence watching you and your family.

If you are tall enough to look over a fence that you are right next to, you will look. I think it’s just natural - you might catch yourself and then stop, but it’s normal behaviour.
I’d just put up a trellis with quick growing climber like a clematis armandii - evergreen. Or plant an evergreen tree just in front.

@AcornAutumn

OP is it the case that this chap can easily position himself so he's not looking at your garden? If so, I would comment on it next time.

Yes he can. He can face the house (their house) and not ours.

I’ll put something on top of the fence and not mention anything. Thanks all. That’s all I needed

Wouldnt necessarily say anything but would put up a trellis or something.

"Not at all what I was implying."

"I feel a little uncomfortable with this. I have a daughter that in the summer will be out in swimming costumes or pants and T-shirt etc. As does our ndn."

Isn't it?

absolutely something to block the view.

I would be so tempted to hose them down, but in real life, I don't think I would sadly.

Helpful thank you. Not at all what I was implying. I’m sure you would have no problems with anyone staring over your garden fence watching you and your family.

Except...... that you are?

You started a thread because you were worried about a 22 year old male looking into your garden when your daughter is in her paddling pool in a bathing costume.

What possible other thing could you be implying?

Just stop hand wringing, make the fence taller and be done with it.

He's probably just idly looking in your garden because it's more interesting then the conversation. I'm sure you wouldn't be worried about people seeing your daughter in a swimming costume at the swimming pool or beach - if you would then I think it is you who has the problem. But if it makes you uncomfortable then there's nothing wrong with putting up a trellis to block the view.

for a start i'd call the police for assault on any twat that hosed me in that situation, and how do you know he's nt ? my ds has aspergers and it not always on full filter so to speak.
Put your trellis up, end of problem.
Be prepared to keep an eye out for rats though, they love decking our neighbour had a load under hers according to pest control, it's been resolved for now, until the next time. so glad we're moving soon

It's not really about your daughter, it's about general family privacy. I would attach something nice to the top of the fence to add that bit of extra height. Raised decking can be a pain for neighbours.

I know about the work done as I mentioned we work together and speak regularly

So why not just mention to her that her DS friend is always looking in the garden & could she ask him not to as you’d like a little privacy?

@MrsMackesy

It's not really about your daughter, it's about general family privacy. I would attach something nice to the top of the fence to add that bit of extra height. Raised decking can be a pain for neighbours.

Thank you. Maybe I worded it wrong but I wouldn’t want anyone gawping at me if I’m out in in a costume or anything either.

I will get a top for the fence

Why on earth dont you just mention it to the lady of the house? Just say you are a bit uncomfortable with the youth looking over.

She'll probably ask you why , so have your answer ready - not quite sure what are appropriate answers ( that wouldnt offend) would be to be honest.

The chances of the weather being warm enough AND pool being out AND you child running round clothed AND the lad looking over I'd have thought were quite slim. Get the child a surf suit, problem solved

www.matalan.co.uk/product/detail/s2813807_c47q/kids-dinosaur-surf-suit-3mths-6yrs-multi?channel=PLA&gclid=Cj0KCQjw38-DBhDpARIsADJ3kjkdTDB2By1fGFLbOhggNDoGcY0HR37rNrshW3QXp0AqArvriFrd_vIaAtNAEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds#

@mumof2oneofeach

Am I the only one just thinking, poor guy? He obviously doesn't get a seat and so stands to face the other people who are sitting. Why do you think he's peering in? Why on earth would you soak him? Why are you worried about your child wearing a bathing suit? Do you not take them to a swimming pool/beach?

for me - sorry but a 22 year old man peering in with young kids, does that not ring alarm bells here, especially if kids are naked or semi naked?