To think calling in sick for no sleep is a good enough reason?

[Rachelinaa]

I work in an office that's been open through most of lockdown due to admin we do being essential.
Recently one of my workmates has been calling in sick a lot because he hasn't been sleeping well as he's got a baby at home that won't sleep. I was shocked to hear other people at work saying they thought it was a ridiculous reason not to come to work and we've all had to come to work tired. But I thought they'd be able to see the difference between being tired and not sleeping at all. His baby has colic and the mum also works.
I've called in sick before for being too tired when my baby was a newborn and didn't sleep. I wondered what everyone else's thoughts on this was? I personally don't want someone driving to work if they're too tired to focus and I can't think that the boss would want someone in more likely to make mistakes.

As a one off in certain circumstances it is OK but not because you have a baby. I did it once after I had been awake for 48 hours and was in no fit state to drive anywhere. I had been at the hospital with an elderly relative.

It depends on the job, if my husband had little to no sleep he'd need to inform his workplace that he couldn't safely work or have a day off. He's an air traffic controller, you wouldn't want an exhausted ATC controlling your plane would you?

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. I’m not sure why people...mainly parents in my experience...think surviving on minimal sleep is a badge of honour, as though it’s some sort of competition to do the most you can on the least sleep!

I’m saying this as a person with a sleep disorder who managed fine for years and was just used to be knackered all the time. Then I experienced the sleep deprivation of parenthood and didn’t know what had hit me. There’s a reason it’s used as a torture method. It doesn’t seem like a sustainable solution to me but if this person, who sounds like they were previously a dedicated team member, feels it’s bad enough to ring in sick then why should they have to be a martyr?

I am with you. If a new parent or anyone is struggling, then calling in sick for lack of sleep is okay. It is not everyday. My dd had colic until she was 3 when finally she was diagnosed with an illness. My poor husband was exhausted and barely functioning as was I. He did not call in sick but managed to spread is holiday time around. I love that there is a family friendly business out there. Yes, that is a family friendly business that takes care of the employees. It is sad that so many people can't see that. We need to change how we see work and family life. Our families are changing and supporting families is important. This will benefit all employees.

I was a single parent on a 0 hours contract, I couldn’t take time off full stop! As for no sleep, seriously?

When I was teaching, calling in sick because of no sleep would not have gone down well. And would you want a dr to call in sick because of no sleep so you miss your appointment or your surgery (yes - it wouldn't be great if he was tired, but doctors often work on little sleep...) and nurses? They all have to suck it up. For goodness sake, a couple has to sort out a shift system, get as much sleep as possible and get into work.

We Brits do love a bit of ‘why should someone else benefit from something I don’t get/need?’ YANBU. Neither is he. You describe him as hardworking and conscientious. If he knows he can’t work, he can’t work.

@BitOfFun - yes. I have a job in a library and not air traffic control. Thank God. I really can't do much damage, however tired. I did not have to drive either - also a consideration. Driving whilst very tired I would expect impairs judgement as much as alcohol. I can't see how it wouldn't hamper reaction times etc.

I'd second having some A/L or unpaid leave - you have to balance taking care of yourselves as parents. Mine didn't sleep well for 2 years (turned out he has SEN, he had uber colic for months as a baby). I ended up with a chronic illness - I'm sure it was partly to do with feeling so ground down over a long period of time.

Could there be more going on here has his wife reached the last straw . You don’t know do you ? I’m coming from a place of having a child that slept for four hours at most until we were offered medication to take this to six hours . There’s a reason why sleep deprivation was used as a form of torture it’s wicked it’s like walking / living a half life 🤔🤭

He wouldn’t do it if he didn’t get paid.

Depends how bad it is. I had about three hours sleep in tiny broken chunks (and no day time naps) for months with my first. He just screamed and screamed for most of the night. I almost flooded the house, gassed us all and smacked my baby's head against door frames as I couldn't judge distances I was so badly sleep deprived. I was barely functional. No way I could have worked. I had a friend who regularly hallucinated she was so tired with her first who was similar.

I think a lot of people who have never been through these extremes don't know how bad it can be, and think back to their child who woke three times a night or something.

@knitonedropone

As a one off in certain circumstances it is OK but not because you have a baby. I did it once after I had been awake for 48 hours and was in no fit state to drive anywhere. I had been at the hospital with an elderly relative.

Why on earth does sleep deprivation not count if it is caused by a baby? But does count for your reason? You are not special you know!

My daughter didn't sleep through the night for the first year and a half of her life. Sleep deprivation... It's like torture. But that is not a reason to call in sick, because he not sick. He either needs to take leave, or unpaid leave, or work out a system with his support network to deal with the situation so he can get some sleep. Welcome to parenting.

The vast majority, if not all new parents experience disturbed sleep. It comes with the territory. I'd expect anybody using it as an excuse not to come to work to have their card marked, tbh.

@Rachelinaa

I work in an office that's been open through most of lockdown due to admin we do being essential. Recently one of my workmates has been calling in sick a lot because he hasn't been sleeping well as he's got a baby at home that won't sleep. I was shocked to hear other people at work saying they thought it was a ridiculous reason not to come to work and we've all had to come to work tired. But I thought they'd be able to see the difference between being tired and not sleeping at all. His baby has colic and the mum also works. I've called in sick before for being too tired when my baby was a newborn and didn't sleep. I wondered what everyone else's thoughts on this was? I personally don't want someone driving to work if they're too tired to focus and I can't think that the boss would want someone in more likely to make mistakes.

It is a crap reason and his supervisor is being weak. You wouldn't get a sicknote for it. Your colleagues are correct.

@Embracingthechaos

The UK is ridiculous about sickness in the work place. It's like it's a competition to see who can run themselves the most ragged, and the winner is admired as being so dedicated. It's unhealthy and sad.

He is an adult and he decides for himself whether or not he is fit for work that day. It's pathetic to sit around gossiping about the validity of his reason. If he is off sick enough that the company policy dictates some kind of intervention then that is between him and his line manager.

I'm in Australia and over here when you call in sick you don't give the details of your illness. Your manager is not allowed to ask. Most companies offer a certain amount of sick days that you are expected to use. It's a brilliant system.

So true! If you're ill/exhausted etc then you won't be productive at work. I used to work with someone who was often ill and would still turn up expecting me to do both workloads.

I could understand the negativity if the fella was unreliable and or lazy but in this instance the poor man is getting hammered by a toxic group of coworkers.

If I was too tired to work I might take a sick day, but I think I'd call it something else if you see what I mean. I'd say what my tiredness was doing to me. I remember being so tired one day I was shaking while walking home. I presume my body was trying to fall asleep as I was walking. There's no way I could have worked in that condition so if it had been the morning, I would have gone back home.

"So true! If you're ill/exhausted etc then you won't be productive at work"

That's true. I've gone to work tired and not done anything. Pointless, but that's what the kinds of reactions in this thread are leading us to.

I can remember when my daughter was poorly I checked on her before I went to bed ended up at walk in then a and e got home at 6 am she went to sleep whilst I rang my boss. As soon as I put my head down to sleep she woke up. I hadn't slept for about 36 hours, my daughter was still poorly but wouldn't nap. I ended up throwing up because of no sleep so rang my boss and said I wouldn't be in the next day. They were so understanding. I would not of been able to go in to work when in total I hadn't slept in about 40 hours by the time I got to bed .

It is classed as sick in NHS. And that's coming from someone who suffers from excessive tiredness due to severe sleep apnoea.

We've got this at work at the moment........... new dad (in his late 50s) with a 6 month old baby and a wife who has just gone back to working 4 nightshifts a week in a hospital. He's like a zombie as he's at work all day and then having broken sleep with baby who doesn't sleep well as it is let alone without mum there. It's tough as they're struggling financially, but he's also using high powered air line equipment and we've had 2 days in the last few weeks where we've sent him home not fit to work. His colleagues are rapidly running out of sympathy and I feel that I'm going to have to deal with it only I'm not sure how. ACAS have been spectacularly unhelpful.

And from another POV, I'm quite concerned that an older mum is working a nightshift then looking after a young baby during the day without any help.................. it's an accident waiting to happen

Isn’t that what coffee is for?!? You’d never get away with that at my gaff.

Some poor bloke on the team got let go after suffering from insomnia a few years back.

When my Dd was a young baby with colic she did not sleep for longer than 20 mins at a time. I was so sleep deprived I was hallucinating, maybe just give the guy a break. It's no one else's business anyway