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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cricket

107 replies

satsumaddict · 08/04/2021 21:51

Please advise me - My husband wants to play cricket from this weekend every Sunday (unless I had previously booked it off) until September - he would ideally like to take the car we share. We have a two year old so this limits my weekends massively. This is a bit of a trigger for me too as a few years ago before we got married he played every weekend (both days) and I got extremely lonely at weekends, in culminated in us arguing a lot and almost breaking up and due to us having a baby, the pandemic and an injury he hasn’t played for the last 3 years. I feel like I was so excited about the summer ahead and being able to have weekends as a family and have been in tears over the whole thing. He sees it as me trying to limit his life, and stopping him “having a hobby” but I just feel so sad about it and don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
LIZS · 08/04/2021 21:57

Go along? Presumably it is not all day. Or ask him to get a lift if not local.

Quadzilla · 08/04/2021 21:59

If he gets to have Sunday’s to himself, do you get Saturdays to yourself?

Quadzilla · 08/04/2021 22:00

Presumably it is not all day
Have you ever watched at cricket match? Grin

HunterHearstHelmsley · 08/04/2021 22:01

How long will he be out for?

It sounds as though you expect him to entertain you. That's not healthy for anyone.

If he's out for (e.g.) 4 hours on Sunday, would he be happy for you to have a similar amount of time on a different day?

ilovetomatoes · 08/04/2021 22:01

He shouldn’t take the car. That’s totally unfair. He should organise a lift so you can at least go and see friends, do activities etc.

It does seem a little bit over the top to commit to every weekend for the whole summer given how long cricket matches go on for. But sport is quite important for some people’s mental health so maybe a compromise can be reached? 2 weekends out of 4? Saturday is totally clear for family time and you get to choose the activity? Something like that?

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 08/04/2021 22:02

Cricket lovely.
Take a picnic and enjoy it!!

user1473878824 · 08/04/2021 22:03

I used to go out with a former professional cyclist so I feel your pain but am also going JUST sundays?! It’s only a few hours out of the weekend and spend that time doing something nice with your son and then family time afterwards.

Wishitsnows · 08/04/2021 22:04

Drop him off, he doesn't need the car when you do

TheCrowFromBelow · 08/04/2021 22:05

It sounds as though he thinks your his babysitter. That's not healthy either
I'd compromise while DC is small - he can make himself available for cricket every ither weekend and can have the car once a month. Should be easy enough to lift share.

TheCrowFromBelow · 08/04/2021 22:06

Cricket is shit when it is lower ranked village teams crap weather and you're wrangling a two year old.

EvonneGoolagong · 08/04/2021 22:06

My husband used to play and I hated it. It pretty much is all day and he could never say when it would finish. It might be that he’d be home at 6 and we could go out, or more like 8 and be too exhausted to do anything.

I said I’d be having the same amount of ‘time off’ from the kids when our second arrived and that prompted him to pack it in. It’s not the case that he can’t do what he wants, but making him see that it has to be fair and equal for you.

wandawombat · 08/04/2021 22:06

My DH is a good cricketer but has never played since we've been together as it takes too long. No kids.

He was toddling off walking & I got a bit fed up of not having transport, so we got another little car.

Problem is that he'll need to go every week as a team member, plus is there socialising? Would you be expected to do the teas?

HopelesslyOptimistic · 08/04/2021 22:22

Let him crack on, definitely does not take the car & you have your free time on Saturday. Obviously without the car, but galavanting with your girlfriends. Sounds perfect. Time apart rocks!

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 08/04/2021 22:23

He shouldn’t take the car. That’s totally unfair. He should organise a lift so you can at least go and see friends, do activities etc

You really don't want to be that player that cadges lifts to every single match, drives themselves, but never ever offers to bring the car and drive for a change.

Drop him off, he doesn't need the car when you do

Including the away fixtures, which could in theory be hundreds of miles away if they are playing cup competitions?

labourlost · 08/04/2021 22:30

I have been in the same situation OP, we had a young baby & he played cricket nearly every weekend. As another poster said it is pretty much all day and he would be home around 7/8 or later if they had drinks after (pre covid). I was resentful as I felt abandoned with a young baby & we were fairly isolated & it split us up. To this day he regrets spending his weekends at cricket & missing out on family time.

tttigress · 08/04/2021 22:32

I think it's actually important to be part of a community and as you said he hasn't played for 3 years.

MassDebate · 08/04/2021 22:35

Those saying it’s only a few hours clearly know nothing about life as a cricket widow - DH is gone from about 11am to 9pm on cricket days. He hasn’t played for the last few years as we’ve prioritised family life, and cricket just isn’t compatible with that if the weekend is all you have free to spend together.

firedog · 08/04/2021 22:36

Give him a lift and keep the car. A day apart is good breathing space and people need hobbies and a break. It could be any sport; fishing, golf, hockey with fixtures miles away etc
He looks after DC on Sat and you get a day off??

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 08/04/2021 22:38

Drop him off. Tell him to make his own way home.

And have some nice time to yourself! Then he can do baby duties during the night

PatButchersEarring · 08/04/2021 22:38

Oh God. I feel your pain. To those posters who are saying it's just a few hours etc- it really isn't. It's leaving at 11am and back 8 or gone.
My DP still plays, but prob on average once every 3 weeks. I don't want to stop him, but every weekend with kids- or even as a couple- in my opinion is just too much.

Ragwort · 08/04/2021 22:39

I was never really into cricket until my 6 year old DS started playing, it was the most fabulous hobby for a youngster and I am so glad he took it up, my DHH became a coach & team manager as well ... DS still plays (now at Uni) and it has given him the opportunity to make lots of friends .... probably not the answer you want but I think it's great when someone loves a sport and is community minded to support a local team .... I do think it's a bit wet to begrudge someone a hobby just because you are bored at weekends - find your own passion.

JellyBabiesFan · 08/04/2021 22:40

How about you have use of the car Saturday and plan your life accordingly and he has the car Sunday.

CMSdividend · 08/04/2021 22:41

Those posters saying to the OP that she should have the Saturday to herself; where is the family time as a complete unit?
I totally understand OP. Golf did us in and I was, in essence, a single parent until the split anyway. He also worked Saturday so there was no family time together, nor time for me to myself.
It's hard. Put your foot down. This isn't about him not being allowed hobbies, it's about having hobbies that put you and your child last.

Throughabushbackwards · 08/04/2021 22:48

My DH is a golfer and our DC both play cricket so our summer weekends are mostly taken up with these sports. I quite like that they are all out doing things they enjoy. As long as I get some weekend time to myself (I get this for a few hours when DH does the DC cricket with them) and we eat meals and spend the evenings as a family I'm happy.

As pp have said, the adult matches are very social. Maybe try going along one time? You might end up making friends with some other WAGS with young DC.

Parky04 · 08/04/2021 22:52

Sunday cricket is not league cricket (usually on a Saturday) so only friendlies. I came to a compromise with DW that when we had DC I would play every other Sunday. This worked out well. As the DC are now adults, I play every Sunday.