Happier before or after?

[Putthebiglighton]

Kids, if you have any?

Before.

@Happycat1212 Thank you for replying, I can see how this would make you say after. Children are hard work especially if you don't have anyone to pitch in. I bet your doing a great job though 💐

Lots of people saying 'after' seem only to have one child.
Just sayin

Those who said before, are your children quite young?

Gosh, it’s bloody hard work but I’d say after. I can’t imagine life without them now. But I was also really happy before, I had a great life with DH full of exciting things, lots of nights out and lots of lovely lay ins Something I don’t get much of now!
But I always felt a pang of sadness when my friends all had babies and I didn’t. And I love my kids with all my breath, couldn’t imagine life without them. I’m tired and kids have definitely aged me but I love having them.
And potentially, when the pandemic is over and when my kids are older, bits of my old life will start to come back.

Completely different situations

Was happy pre children
Am happy post children

Children didn’t make me happy - quite the opposite 🤣🤣 but the place I am in, I can’t complain.

Looking back, I would have extended my childless years to enjoy that happiness to its fullest.

Definitely after, being a mum is the best thing I have ever done!!

I flit between the two.. my DD brings my untold joy. She is very chilled & not much bothers her. However we went through a period of grieving after I lost my mum unexpectedly where she was anxious, clingy and tearful for months and I genuinely didn't think I had it in me to be a parent. I realised for the first time I was out of my depth & hated it. I imagined what it would be like to just walk out and not come back. But we persevered and almost a year down the line she is back to her old self mostly. I love to be around her and she has the best sense of humour! I love being a mum but I also sometimes wish I could travel and be spontaneous! So a bit of both. I have lost myself in being a mum and miss when I only had myself to think about!

After. I feel fulfilled.

@MintyCedric

I agree with *@ButIcantsitonleather* it's a different kind of happy.

I enjoyed my life before I had DD but I wouldn't change a second of the 16.5 years I've had with her.

From her pissing on my slippers during her first nappy change, to seeing her come through the door beaming this evening after her first shift in her first job...it's all been bloody marvellous.

This made me well up

I'm pregnant now, glad to see so many replies saying after! I just hope to continue being as happy as I am now after becoming a parent tbh!

After, definitely. Fulfilled and never bored. Although loved my life beforehand too but I am happier the busier I am.

Life was simpler before and much easier, but I don't know if it was more fulfilling. It's really hard to say because a lot has happened in those years. Dh and I are very happy with each other and always have been. We are in much more exciting places in our careers now after kids, but with a lot more stress. There has been a lot of very traumatic family drama in the intervening years. So I would say I'm not as happy as I was way back when, but it's not because we had dc. It's just life is a lot harder now. If I had to choose it all over again, I absolutely still would have exactly the children I have.

After.
My son saved me when I didn't realise I needed saving. He's my world.

Depends when you ask me. Varies from hour to hour.

More moments of pure happiness since having children but so many more demands and therefore much more stressed after having them. 2 out of 3 children have SEN so constantly battling and life is fairly restricted. However I probably didn’t find the happiness in the small things before children and didn’t fully appreciate what I had. I take so much more joy from a meal in a restaurant with friends now than I would have done before children (/pandemic). I probably also don’t realise what I take for granted now!

Happy both ways.

I think if you were unhappy before and then happy when you have children you should look deeper at why and try and sort it before the kids become young adults as you may be unhappy again. Sometimes if your kids are your only source of happiness you can unintentionally make them unhappy when they try to become adults.

Beaudalaire

The thing is most people who would say before are Unlikely to admit it, I absolutely wouldn’t have had children if I could go back in time, yes I love my children now but I wouldn’t have done it. Most people don’t want to admit that. and to answer another poster my children aren’t young my children ages are Between 3-10

Both.
In different ways.
Would I still be happy in the same way as before kids, if I hadn't had them? Not sure.

Different. Good days are great but pre child life without the same responsibilities was easier.

I was generally in a better mood pre-kids because I wasn't knackered and having to discipline and do boring kids games whennim knackered and want to watch netflix

No difference here, although to be fair pre-children was over two decades ago and I have nearly another one to go before my last reaches adulthood, so I only vaguely remember those pre-children years.

I think number of children and their ages make a difference. My Mum is in her 70s, she's been a parent for half a century, much longer than she was alive prechildren so how should she compare? It's meaningless.

For me personally the baby years were horrible, no sleep, hormones all over the place, no help from family, career at a standstill and parenthood had a negative effect on DH and my relationship. Life before small children was happier, we were richer, more in love and better looking. But now our children are growing up and life is very good. But I don't think it's possible to compare before and after, never mind what it's like to compare now with a possible alternative life.

I also think it must be hard for those who are infertile reading all these self selecting comments about 'having a child completes me'. It is perfectly possible to have a happy and fufilling life without children and it's not good for a child to be so responsible for the happiness of their parents. Parenthood is one of many things you can do in life that gives you happiness or satisfaction.

After. Nobody tells you how much kids make you laugh. Their sense of humour is one of the first things to develop and the years afterwards are full of laughter.

My career opportunities are limited, my relationship were affected, my daily routine is 100X harder and my patience has been tested! But I wouldn’t be without them. I’ve regretted almost all my life choices but neverregretted having kids. And I wasn’t someone who ever wanted them.

However, in another life where I’d never had them, I probably wouldn’t regret that either because I’d never have met them and felt all that love.

Different. I wasn’t unhappy before but there was definitely something missing. Not happier now but more content.

Literally the best decision we ever made and I cry sometimes that we nearly opted to stay childless. DD was a last minute swerve at 40.

But you don’t know what you don’t have so we’d still have been happy.