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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed that OH can't do any DIY?

109 replies

mummyneedsarest · 08/04/2021 20:07

Moving into our new house Sunday it has nothing so starting from fresh.

He can't do anything can't even put the blinds up always comes up with some kind of excuse! Of course all men can't be handy around the house but Jesus Christ making up excuses as to why he can't do the blinds.

He can't even put the shower curtain up for me, it really just winds me up.

OP posts:

Veterinari · 08/04/2021 23:43

How about you do the DIY and he does the cooking/cleaning?

TerribleCustomerCervix · 09/04/2021 00:05

@Veterinari

How about you do the DIY and he does the cooking/cleaning?

For me it’s not about gender roles- it’s just knowing that if something needs sorted that there’s another person who can pick up a brush and get on with it, rather than knowing it’s just going to wait until I do it.

Thewinterofdiscontent · 09/04/2021 00:05

Would wind me up too. All adults should be able to, clean, cook and do do basic maintenance of house and car.

Mine winds me up because we’ve always lived separately but he always very keen to help me. Thus us despite me having lived alone for years so happy to do all the DIY from drilling to painting to electrics and putting stuff in .
Whereas he always pays someone to do any work on his house. He does do woodwork as a hobby since lockdown. It involves buying very very expensive tools and machinery pretty much every week.

I dyd ketbhim plumb my washing machine in when I moved because he insisted on helping his girlfriend . The muppet plumbed it into the hot pipe and ruined my first wash. After I sorted it, I was told by more than one person I was lucky to have a boyfriend that wanted to help ! . Luckily he’s not tight and replaced my boil washed clothes.

BraveGoldie · 09/04/2021 12:29

My Ex was useless in the way I think you mean OP..... it's not like he's no good at THAT but pulls his weight at 6 other things....

It's that he banked on his incompetence to be lazy. He worked at his own job hard and was a hands on parent and did the odd little bit of cleaning (much less than he thought). But so did I (just as long hours job and earned more). I did EVERYTHING else - financial management, house moves, legal issues, all the strategic management and the DIY and finding and managing contractors when it was beyond me. When I would ask him to do anything there would be loads of sighing ... then nothing for weeks.... then finally he'd make a pathetic attempt, bothering me 6 times in an hour with dumb questions he could have googled, before declaring it impossible for some reason.....

I am now with the exact opposite. DP has taken over all house and garden and car management and I never even need to think about it. I want something done, I ask, and it's normally done with a day or two. It's bliss......

stayathomer · 09/04/2021 12:35

I clean, cook and do diy, all really badly. Dh works crazy hours but cooks for us when he can, got better at DIY over lockdown and cleans when he can. These kind of threads make me feel awful. I'm very much not a catch, but he'd never bitch about it

Oblomov21 · 09/04/2021 12:37

I think it's poor that so many men can't do diy these days.
Dh can do anything, except hang wallpaper. Which is ok because I don't like wallpaper.
I'm capable of .....painting, mending things, taking care of my car.
Obviously I might need a plumber or an electrician for certain things.
I too can do most things, or watch a video, or investigate. And having an open mind is the main thing.

I think it's the poor attitude that is the shame.

THEDEACON · 09/04/2021 12:53

You are doing the DIY he's looking after the children it's not as if he's out on the golf course

samlh · 09/04/2021 13:13

I'd rather my husband didn't do it himself. He's crap (and even he will admit it). He is easily frustrated and loses his rag when it doesn't go his way.

I do most of the DIY in the house, he does most of the cooking. I do the ironing, he does the cleaning that I hate to do. It's all about balance.

Some people just aren't DIYers, and that's okay, and as for him making excuses then he genuinely might be embarrassed that he's not handy and makes excuses to cover up the embarrassment.

PickAChew · 09/04/2021 13:15

Sounds like you need to hang the shower curtain, yourself.

pepsicolagirl · 09/04/2021 13:21

@samlh

I'd rather my husband didn't do it himself. He's crap (and even he will admit it). He is easily frustrated and loses his rag when it doesn't go his way.

I do most of the DIY in the house, he does most of the cooking. I do the ironing, he does the cleaning that I hate to do. It's all about balance.

Some people just aren't DIYers, and that's okay, and as for him making excuses then he genuinely might be embarrassed that he's not handy and makes excuses to cover up the embarrassment.

I think we may be married to the same man!

TheVampiresWife · 09/04/2021 13:21

I have crap mobility and arthritis so although I can technically do DIY stuff (as in, I know how, and used to), I can't now, unless it's very basic stuff. DH doesn't know how to do any DIY at all and as a result we've not decorated for almost 20 years (still have the previous owner's wallpaper up!) and no curtains. I understand that he doesn't know how to but I wish he did because our house is a mess!

If you're physically able to OP I'd learn to do this sort of thing yourself. Saves a whole lot of bother. If your DH isn't bothering out of laziness rather than because he's busy/is unable to, that's another matter and the load should be shared more evenly.

Weebitawks · 09/04/2021 13:24

My DH hates DIY. I've learnt to do most things like this myself.

I do think it's a bit rich complaining that your husband can't do something that you also don't seem to be able to do (that you could do). You both don't like doing DIY

DamsonTrousers · 09/04/2021 13:25

You’ll be telling us he doesn’t put the bins out and hasn’t worked out your housekeeping correctly next.

DamsonTrousers · 09/04/2021 13:29

Oh, and LTB.

Rinoachicken · 09/04/2021 13:30

There’s a difference between DIY and basic house maintenance. Putting up a blind or shower curtain falls into the latter in my book.

As a PP post - ALL adults, irrespective of gender, should be capable of basic house maintenance.

I’m not talking about putting in plumbing, or building walls, but declaring you can’t put up a curtain pole and just giving up is pathetic regardless of gender. (Mobility/health issues aside of course).

When I became a single parent I didn’t know how to do these things. I had no one to do it for me and could t afford to get anyone in to do it.

So I learnt.

PickAChew · 09/04/2021 13:35

I'm the same, @TheVampiresWife. 20 odd years ago, I was putting up shelves, building large IKEA furniture single handed (ex was incompetent and lazy), replacing light switches (that ex had broken) and so on. Now I'm much more limited in what I can do. Even painting a wall takes me ages because I can't manage a full size roller. Shame, as DH is excellent at most DIY but a really sloppy painter who doesn't pay attention to detail.

Bluesheep8 · 09/04/2021 13:41

I hope all these people doing rewires and electrical work are qualified!

afterthestormagain · 09/04/2021 13:57

My dad was absolutely useless with diy and we didn't have enough money as a family to hire someone to come in to do things so I learned to do it and I'm not a man. There's so much info online to learn how to diy so if you really want things done you can teach yourself. Diy isn't just for men.

Parker231 · 09/04/2021 16:08

This thread is no different from the numerous ones with women complaining their partners can’t or won’t cook/do laundry/clean the house/do home admin/parent their children etc etc

Londonmummy66 · 09/04/2021 16:13

It's fine for him not to take the gendered DIY role so long as he doesn't expect you to cook and clean and be the default parent. If that is the case it's time for you to say you can't cook - better off getting a takeaway etc.....

GintyMcGinty · 09/04/2021 16:17

Do it yourself then. Or pay someone.

My husband can't do DIY either. He has no practical sense and would be dangerous if he tried, frankly. Just because he has a penis doesn't mean he should be able to.

Osirus · 09/04/2021 16:19

I’m with you OP. I’m a bit “old school” and see it as the man’s job. I see all the other household jobs (cleaning, cooking, laundry) as the woman’s jobs. I know I’m going to get a grilling for that, but that’s just my view!

I’m incredibly lucky that my DH is really good at DIY. If he doesn’t know how to do something he will look it up and just do it. Perfectly. Probably because he hates spending money and will do ANYTHING to avoid having to pay someone to do a job!

So my DH does DIY. I do everything else. I still feel like the lucky one as I hate DIY.

BackforGood · 09/04/2021 16:22

YABU.
I'm with the overwhelming majority. Not sure why you think he ought to be born with any particular skills anymore than you were.

jessstan2 · 09/04/2021 16:24

At least you know where you are with him. It's better than being surrounded by half finished diy jobs. I lived with that for a few years and it's no fun.

amusedbush · 09/04/2021 16:31

DH isn’t great at DIY because doesn’t have the patience to do a thorough job. I’d rather do it myself so I build furniture, put blinds up, hang lining paper, paint walls, fix drywall, replace pipes under the sink. In the summer I plan to rip up our garden and build a patio by myself.

He contributes in other ways.

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