To be annoyed that OH can't do any DIY?

[mummyneedsarest]

Moving into our new house Sunday it has nothing so starting from fresh.

He can't do anything can't even put the blinds up always comes up with some kind of excuse! Of course all men can't be handy around the house but Jesus Christ making up excuses as to why he can't do the blinds.

He can't even put the shower curtain up for me, it really just winds me up.

My dh is very capable as he actually works in construction and we run our own trade business. However, nothing every gets done at home as he is too busy fixing other people’s house so ours is always last on the list!

I understand and sympathise OP.

My cousin only has to say to her DH "Oh I fancy a new kitchen" and within a few weeks, he's ripped everything out, knocked walls down, built them back up again in a different design and installed a fantastic new kitchen". He's not even a tradesman, just handy.

My DH is crap at DIY. I can't say anything as I'm crap as well. But in my next life, I'm marrying a man who can do DIY.

I know it's not hugely feminist but I fucking love my husband's handiness around the house, the capability and the proactive attitude. I find it very attractive and I know lots of other women find that kind of thing attractive too.

So I think YANBU at all. Having said it isn't very feminist, I'm not sure it's in women's interests to go along with incapable men if they're not happy about it, just because they can do it themselves. From what I've seen, seems to be a good way to get saddled with doing everything, for no reward. Of course, if you are happy doing all that, power to you. But I wouldn't be.

He may be useless at DIY or just lazy, however if he is happy to get someone in to do it then let him. No need for you to do it then moan about him.

I know it's not hugely feminist but I fucking love my husband's handiness around the house, the capability and the proactive attitude. I find it very attractive and I know lots of other women find that kind of thing attractive too.

I find it very attractive too, adult competence is very appealing. I'm quite handy so I think it's only not feminist if you think it's "mens" work, I like men to know how to cook a decent dinner, be able to use the washing machine and know how to clean too.

Mine isn’t very useful either. I do what I can manage. Jobs got left then a man who was selling Betterware because he had lost his job was chatting to me and said he was quite good at DIY and was thinking of making a job out of it. I asked him to come and do the outstanding jobs. He spent two Saturday morning and did a host of jobs. It was great. He didn’t mind how menial they were and he chipped off and tidied up a stone wall I wanted exposed but DH didn’t. DH worked away and so when he came back a few weeks later it was finished and DH had to admit it looked great. I got all the jobs done and K got a reference from me. He managed to get some work until he secured another job but kept Saturday’s for DIY jobs and came back to do a few more. It was great and worth every penny and he did a better job. DH admitted he hated painting last year. I spent lockdown painting two doors, the sitting room, a chest of drawers and part of a table but drew the line at the hall so DH paid for a painter. He finished last week.

Find a handy man or woman and get them to do it if you can’t or don’t have the time worth every penny.

FOJN

I made sure my sons could cook, clean and use a washing machine by the time they were 14.😃

YABU. Finding a good local handyman (or woman) is a valuable thing to do. Just save up some jobs and get them round to do a few things at once. Many people don’t bat an eyelid at paying a professional to paint their nails or cut their hair, but expect their DH with absolutely no skills to pick up some tools and maintain or renovate a house. I work in construction and DIY jobs I see are usually a pile of shite that have to be redone. Like anything, you’ll get a better end result if you employ a professional.

I was brought up with my mum doing 100% of the DIY in and outside the house so I have done skills she taught me but am generally crap at practical stuff so married someone the opposite. Most important lesson my parents taught me is to appreciate my husband for what he brings to the family. Mum never criticised my dad for not being able to put up a fence and he never criticised her for not having a clue how to pay a bill on time.

The happiest marriages are those where each person appreciates what the other brings.

SOME skills not done.

Do it yourself. Aren't we supposed to be equal these days? Or get a man in?

How would you feel if he complained about your lack of cooking/cleaning skills? You know, the stuff he expects you to do because you have a vagina?

That's probably how he feels about being expected to put blinds up because he has a penis.

The best way forward is to learn and work together. It can be fun. If he isn’t doing things that take some degree of skill, allocate those requiring brawn or brute force.
You build the bin store whilst he mows the lawn. That said, putting a bin store together takes two. I don’t think it needs to be him or you - lots of times it needs to be both. That might be one clearing gutters whilst one holds ladder or one holding fencing posts whilst the other hammers them in.
Do things together.

Essentially this is no different than sharing any other house work. You dont want to be the only one cooking. You expect your partner to learn few basic things to cook. Same with cleaning, you expect your partner to learn how to use the dishwasher or where the broom is located. You dont want to be the only one doing all the DIY. You can go to a restaurant every day but it might not be the smart thing to do. You can get a handyperson to do all the things but paying someone to put up a shower curtain might not make sense.

Get a tradesman in and see if paying for it motivates him to learn the basics. Albeit, my other half is just as useless, scared of changing a light bulb. He makes a fab curry though. I ask my next door neighbour who has husband of the century to help with jobs. The look on my other half's face when my fab neighbour cleans our gutters. The shame!

If someone needs to be looking after the children, then does it matter if he’s the one at home doing that and you’re at the house doing jobs? What would the difference be if you were at home with the kids and he was doing the house jobs?

Unless you’re going to come back and drip feed that you work full time and are doing a PhD but he’s been furloughed for the last year and the kids are teens...!

I find the expectation that I should be able to many DIY jobs to a high standard at my first attempt, usually without all correct tools, very annoying.

Over many years I have had a go at many jobs and the results have varied. If something you have done yourself isn’t very good you are likely to notice it and be reminded of your limitations for as long as it remains. If your wife is unfortunate enough to notice and point out any imperfections this is not a good combination.

For those unhappy that their men aren’t real men and don’t do all the DIY I am pretty sure your partners understand and pick up on your attitude.

I feel the same way about my DH. He just has absolutely no interest in DIY at all and I do get frustrated (internally, never to him). But then i give myself a talking to and ask myself why i don't just learn to do it myself it it bothers me so much?

Although having every male in my family and all my friend's partners showing an interest in DIY doesnt help and I can feel the disapproval from my family! Its obvious they feel like he should, purely because he has a penis. Funny that they never ask me why i don't do any DIY!

Yes of course YABU

My OH is crap at DIY and doesn't do any. I am equally as crap. One of the advantages of renting is that the landlord does stuff. And we have a great landlord!

He is very good at cooking, however. He does all of the cooking because the kitchen is too small for the both of us. I look after our daughter while he prepared the evening meal so it's about teamwork for us

It’s no different from me having no interest in cooking or baking. Easier to use services such as Cook or shops with ready prepared fruit and vegetables. Luckily DH is a good cook.

@Poptart4

I totally get how you feel.

My OH is useless at DIY. Seriously cant even paint a wall. Spreads it too thick so theres drip marks and patches that are cracking. Frustrates the hell out of me because I've showed him a dozen times how to do it properly but he gets all offended and refuses to listen.

Its annoying because I'm not great at DIY either but I put alot of effort into whatever DIY I do and he just half arse's it.

My BIL is the type of guy who Carrie's a screw driver in his pocket, he can literally fix anything. I get so envious of my sister lol

Honestly I couldve written the first part of this myself.

My dad is really handy so I picked up a bit just from helping him as a kid. But DH? Nope.

My sister and I ended up decorating pretty much our entire new house while DH minded the kids. I asked him to help me paint one room- cue overloaded rollers, slapping paint on way too thick, being careless and getting paint of the ceiling instead of taking five minutes to cut in properly. It’s just easier to do it myself, but it would be nice to share the responsibility.

My sister’s husband is only sliiiightly better- we call them the Half A Job Bobs

@MrsIronfoundersson

Make a list and employ a handyman!

A dishy one at that... and he might start to come round to DIY

I have a trade so am awesome at building/fixing things round the house . So if I am working hard on something and my OH cannot help (eg I recently rebuilt our staircase ) I specifically request help in other ways . For example “ thanks for the offer OH but I’m happy working on this til 9pm whilst you watch tv if you cook me my favourite dinner after” We both get what we want! We make sure to admire each other’s work which goes a long way too

@HelloDaisy

My dh is very capable as he actually works in construction and we run our own trade business. However, nothing every gets done at home as he is too busy fixing other people’s house so ours is always last on the list!

I live with a joiner and have a 32 year old kitchen - I feel your pain