To give debt collectors my relatives address?

[Famproblems1]

NC, I'll try to keep it short.

5 years ago I let a younger relative come and stay with me temporarily when she was leaving domestic violence in another part of the country, she stayed with me for approx 12 months before moving on into a place of her own with her small children.

During the course of that relationship alot of debt was accumulated before she left age 20..she says the majority of this was due to the partner taking out contract phones and payday loans using her details and that she had no control of her finances.

Despite the fact she doesn't live here anymore and hasn't for almost 4 years I'm still getting letters here addressed to her from debt collectors asking for money and to be honest I'm tired of it and want no part of it.

Obviously I've mentioned this to her a number of times and she claims she has contacted the companies and told them not to send anything else to my address as she doesn't live here. If that's true, which is debatable, then they clearly haven't listened.

I'm aware that she's paying a token sum to a couple of different companies on a monthly basis so she she says she's doing what she can but claims to be out of her depth and can only work part time. She has refused to give her address to these people citing that she's vulnerable with MH problems and has her disabled child there.

I received another letter through the door for her this morning after a peaceful couple of months, low and behold a debt collection company demanding £300 odd and I've reached the end of my rope.

We spoke over the phone which ended in something of a heated discussion because I said I'm going to give them her new address as I'm sick of the letters coming here and don't want debt collectors turning up here trying to take control of my property.

She then spoke to her mother who called me and implied I was being cruel.

So WIBU to do exactly that?

Based on my experience, admitting to having any connection with the person being pursued for a debt claim will cause you more problems, not fewer.

I was targeted by debt collectors years ago for a debt in my name that I didn’t incur, and they relentlessly pursued anyone they believed was associated with me. They used public records to find my family members and people I’d previously lived with, and even contacted others in my building (people I didn't even know) to ask them to tell me to get in touch. They would call me outside of business hours, sometimes several times in a row - illegal, but they were counting on the fact that I wouldn’t take legal action in response. In the end, it turned out that someone with my exact name had apparently incurred legitimate debts, which had gone beyond the time they could legally be collected. The creditors nevertheless sold the debt to another company who then tried to collect it through intimidation.

If you admit that you know the person they’re pursuing, they will double down on you in order to pressure her. The fact that they have her address will make no difference because she will (from what you’ve said) likely not just pay off the alleged debt, and they will continue to try to pressure her through you and any other associate of hers that they can reach.

The best thing to do is send an official letter to whatever organisation(s) are harassing you - you might cc legal council if you have access - that this person does not live at x address and you and any others living at that address request not to be contacted in the matter. DO NOT admit to knowing her or having any further information about her wherabouts.

We had this when we moved into our new home, started getting debt collection and then court letters for previous owners. When I phoned the court up to advise these people no longer lived here. We were advised we had to write to them proving who we were and when we moved in we did pass on the forwarding address we had for the previous owners, because we were advised if the bailiffs turn up at our door they can and will come in legally and we will then have to prove it’s our belongings and try to get them back.

Just ring up and offer to send a copy of your council tax bill proving no adults with that name live at the address.

If she’s waiting for statue barred she cannot speak to them at all.

I was sympathetic to begin with but that has long run out. How much longer is her hard times going to be used as an excuse for ongoing trouble? As harsh as I might sound, life goes on.

It doesn't help that she has her mother wrapped round her little finger so that any time I raise the letters she's straight on the phone to her mother, hysterical, saying she cannot cope with the stress and then I get it in the ear.

No good deed goes unpunished as they say, lesson learned.

So could it be then that her contacting them and entering into a payment plan would stop the debt becoming statue barred

And yes, that is the case. As soon as the debt is acknowledged the clock 'resets' and the time for it to be statute barred starts again.

This has to stop to protect your financial stability. I dont know if it would be an issue should you need a loan or a mortgage but it might.

I would tell them her address.

Presumably the letters are addressed to her; why not 'Return to sender, not at this address' on the envelopes. If you are asked where she has gone, which is unlikely, you don't know.

If she incurred the debts five years ago, in another year she will be free of them (though they might still try it on).

I certainly would not give away anyone's address to anyone, least of all debt collectors.

I dont know if it would be an issue should you need a loan or a mortgage but it might

It won't.

Return to sender

Why are people so against the OP giving them her address? They're her debts ffs.

I can see I'm in the minority but I think YABU. I wouldn't do that to a relative. Why are you opening her mail anyway? I'd just send all letters addressed to her back 'not known at this address - return to sender'. Job done. I don't see what this has to do with you really or why you're frothing at the mouth about some post that doesn't concern you

There are multiple companies chasing payment, mobile phone contracts and payday loans are what I was told however the letters come directly from debt collectors who it seems have bought the debts, today's one being from Rosedales.

A Google search shows articles about them as being not so nice, to put it politely.

She contacted one of the collections agency's when she was still living here approx 6 months before she moved on so she has acknowledged at least one debt therefore at least one cannot be statue barred for another couple of years. I don't know which company that was.

Her mother is now saying she'll pass the letter on to her and that she's agreed to ring them (again, supposedly) and tell them not to send any more letters here.

I can't see it making a blind bit of difference.

@hobbyiscodefordogging

Here's what you do...

You don't open the mail
You cross out the name and address
You write on it "Return to sender - not known at this address"
And then you stick it back in the post box

That way you are stopping it being your problem without being an arsehole to your niece.

Make sure that credit referencing agencies etc don't have the two of you linked through your address - there will be a process to go through for this but I don't know what it is.

Because of course debt collection agencies will then say “oh, ok, disappeared off the face of the earth. No problem” and cross the debt from their books. Works every time.

I don't see what this has to do with you really or why you're frothing at the mouth about some post that doesn't concern you confused

Because the threatening letters are coming to MY house and causing me stress

Are the letters addressed to Householder? If they're addressed to her I dont know why you wouldn't just forward them to her or return to sender....

Yabu to open mail not addressed to you!

They're addressed to her, at my address.

@Mumoftwoinprimary

Could you give the debt collector her mother’s address. Then she can decide how heartless or otherwise it is....

This.

Until they have a new address, they will keep writing/coming to you. If she rings them (if!) but refuses to give them her address, the letters/bailiffs will keep coming.

@hobbyiscodefordogging

Here's what you do...

You don't open the mail
You cross out the name and address
You write on it "Return to sender - not known at this address"
And then you stick it back in the post box

That way you are stopping it being your problem without being an arsehole to your niece.

Make sure that credit referencing agencies etc don't have the two of you linked through your address - there will be a process to go through for this but I don't know what it is.

This is the best to do

@shouldistop

I'm really surprised at the responses. This young woman was in a financially and physically (by the sounds of it) abusive relationship which she managed to escape. She's vulnerable with mh issues and a disabled child. Why on earth would you give debt collectors her address? Just tell them she doesn't live at your address. We used to get debt collectors letters for the previous owner of our house. I called the companies and they stopped writing.

Who do you think pays the debts? Fairies? Why shouldn’t people pay their way?

You are 100% not being unreasonable. You were kind enough to let her stay with you and have put up with harassment from these companies on her behalf. Kinda seems like she's taking the piss at this point. I get that it must be stressful for her too but expecting you to put up with this is so out of order. If I were in her position I'd be absolutely mortified that a relative was having to deal with this and would want it sorted ASAP.

@VexedofVirginiaWater thank you for quoting the Postal Services Act 2000.

I get so tired of people saying it is illegal to open post not addressed to you. It isn't unless you intend to do something malicious with the contents.

"(3)A person commits an offence if, intending to act to a person’s detriment and without reasonable excuse, he opens a postal packet which he knows or reasonably suspects has been incorrectly delivered to him"

It is the reasonable excuse bit and the OP has one.

A credit card company writes to the previous occupant of my address and I returned that post for 7+ years before opening one accidentally. She has a similar name to me and I didn't have my glasses on before opening a load of letters. She is in bloody credit for hundreds of pounds but I do not know their forwarding address. Every time I return the letter I tell them I bought the house X number of years ago. It is public record on bloody rightmove so they can see it.

YANBU to provide the actual address of the person who owes the money.

Yes your niece is unreasonable not to have dealt with this, but I really don't understand why you haven't taken action.

You haven't put 'return to sender' on the post, so how would you know if this would stop it? If you tried that 4 years ago, you might have saved yourself at least half this hassle

Second, and this would take probably 30 min of your time out of 4 years, you could email them, having taken a phone photo of your council tax bill saying this person no longer lives here and hasn't since X date.

People on here, who deal with debts or who have debtors, have told you do to these things. Why don't you do those two things tomorrow?

Then, if the problem persists, then you can think beyond that. By the way if someone called around 18 months ago, they are hardly persistent, they haven't been round again for 18 months.

Just do these simple things. In an ideal world you wouldn't need to, but the excuses for not doing them are taking you longer to come up with than actually getting on with it!

Can you tell that the letters are from debt collectors when they arrive? I dont know if I would give her new address to them, but I would certainly be writing 'no longer at this address' on anything that comes to your house for her and sticking it back in the post box. I wouldnt bother with forwarding them to her - she already knows about this and it is not your job to be the intermediary between her and them.

@Famproblems1

I don't see what this has to do with you really or why you're frothing at the mouth about some post that doesn't concern you confused

Because the threatening letters are coming to MY house and causing me stress

It's just post that you're not even meant to open as they're not addressed to you. How is that stressful? When we moved into this house a few years ago we got loads and loads of post for previous tenants which was obviously debt collection agencies. I just returned them all to sender and gradually they've mostly stopped. I get the odd one here or there now which I also send back. I don't understand how or why it would be stressful to receive post not addressed to you and how or why it would be so difficult to return them to sender.