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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To give debt collectors my relatives address?

555 replies

Famproblems1 · 08/04/2021 19:43

NC, I'll try to keep it short.

5 years ago I let a younger relative come and stay with me temporarily when she was leaving domestic violence in another part of the country, she stayed with me for approx 12 months before moving on into a place of her own with her small children.

During the course of that relationship alot of debt was accumulated before she left age 20..she says the majority of this was due to the partner taking out contract phones and payday loans using her details and that she had no control of her finances.

Despite the fact she doesn't live here anymore and hasn't for almost 4 years I'm still getting letters here addressed to her from debt collectors asking for money and to be honest I'm tired of it and want no part of it.

Obviously I've mentioned this to her a number of times and she claims she has contacted the companies and told them not to send anything else to my address as she doesn't live here. If that's true, which is debatable, then they clearly haven't listened.

I'm aware that she's paying a token sum to a couple of different companies on a monthly basis so she she says she's doing what she can but claims to be out of her depth and can only work part time. She has refused to give her address to these people citing that she's vulnerable with MH problems and has her disabled child there.

I received another letter through the door for her this morning after a peaceful couple of months, low and behold a debt collection company demanding £300 odd and I've reached the end of my rope.

We spoke over the phone which ended in something of a heated discussion because I said I'm going to give them her new address as I'm sick of the letters coming here and don't want debt collectors turning up here trying to take control of my property.

She then spoke to her mother who called me and implied I was being cruel.

So WIBU to do exactly that?

OP posts:
shouldistop · 08/04/2021 20:09

@WisnaeMe she doesn't have to suck it up though. She can call the companies and tell them she doesn't live there. I don't think she's actually done that?

TomorrowIsAnotherDae · 08/04/2021 20:09

I used to get debt collection letters for a previous tenant at a flat I lived in. I just faxed (it was a long time ago!) a copy of my council tax bill to them to show I was the new tenant and they stopped.

I don’t think you should give them her address.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 08/04/2021 20:10

@shouldistop

I'm really surprised at the responses. This young woman was in a financially and physically (by the sounds of it) abusive relationship which she managed to escape. She's vulnerable with mh issues and a disabled child. Why on earth would you give debt collectors her address? Just tell them she doesn't live at your address. We used to get debt collectors letters for the previous owner of our house. I called the companies and they stopped writing.
Totally agree! Return the letters to sender- they can’t do anything to you. You simply “don’t know where she’s moved on to”. The onus should be on the debt collector to find her- if they turn up at your door again call the police and say you will pursue charges of harassment if they continue to come to your add. In fact I’d send an email “letter before action” to the company claiming she doesn’t live there and to cease all correspondence to your add.
Famproblems1 · 08/04/2021 20:10

Why should I have to ring the companies? None of it is my problem or my doing.

OP posts:
WisnaeMe · 08/04/2021 20:10

[quote shouldistop]@WisnaeMe she doesn't have to suck it up though. She can call the companies and tell them she doesn't live there. I don't think she's actually done that? [/quote]

She needs to do this asap 🌸

shouldistop · 08/04/2021 20:10

@Famproblems1 well in my experience calling the companies did stop letters arriving at my house. You're going to have to call to disclose her address anyway

SpacePotato · 08/04/2021 20:10

This is probably affecting your credit rating

No it won't. Debt is with the person not the house.

Famproblems1 · 08/04/2021 20:11

So if I ring them and the letters continue or they come here again then what?

OP posts:
WisnaeMe · 08/04/2021 20:11

out of curiosity...

do you share the same Surname ? being Cousins I mean🌸

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 08/04/2021 20:11

She gets help for her MH and her DC with disabilities well aren’t you a peach?!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 08/04/2021 20:12

And it’s illegal to open someone else’s post!

Famproblems1 · 08/04/2021 20:12

She's my niece and we do share the same surname yes.

OP posts:
WisnaeMe · 08/04/2021 20:12

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

She gets help for her MH and her DC with disabilities well aren’t you a peach?!

Stating facts.. is being PEACHY now 🤔🙄

Famproblems1 · 08/04/2021 20:13

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

And it’s illegal to open someone else’s post!
Is that really worse than me having debt collection letters every other month?
OP posts:
WisnaeMe · 08/04/2021 20:13

@Famproblems1

She's my niece and we do share the same surname yes.
Then you need to tell them where she is.. give them her address OP.
Famproblems1 · 08/04/2021 20:13

Excuse me being short I'm just fed up of this now.

OP posts:
1Morewineplease · 08/04/2021 20:14

@shouldistop

I'm really surprised at the responses. This young woman was in a financially and physically (by the sounds of it) abusive relationship which she managed to escape. She's vulnerable with mh issues and a disabled child. Why on earth would you give debt collectors her address? Just tell them she doesn't live at your address. We used to get debt collectors letters for the previous owner of our house. I called the companies and they stopped writing.
No! If you create a debt then you own the debt. Abusive relationship or not, it's the debt holder's responsibility to talk to the debt agency, not to leave it to a relative/house share person to deal with.
WisnaeMe · 08/04/2021 20:15

@Famproblems1

Excuse me being short I'm just fed up of this now.

Open every letter...

phone and give the info 🌸

Famproblems1 · 08/04/2021 20:15

Then you need to tell them where she is.. give them her address OP

This is what I'm planning to do yes, though I expect fallout from it because god forbid bailiffs turn up at the door of the actual debtor.

To be completely honest I fail to see what MH problems or a disabled child has to do with any of it.

The man who came here was perfectly civil, they're hardly going to barge their way in and start shouting.

OP posts:
TomorrowIsAnotherDae · 08/04/2021 20:15

If your niece is on benefits and her debts are less than £20k sh could get a debt relief order - debtcamel.co.uk/dro-other-debt-alternatives/

She needs to contact Stepchange or another agency who should be able to help her - www.stepchange.org/

DoubleTweenQueen · 08/04/2021 20:15

Won't they just find her eventually anyway? Better to tackle the problem than pretend it doesn't exist.

FatAnneTheDealer · 08/04/2021 20:15

Just write on every letter “not at this address” and put it back in the post. Don’t open, don’t engage and definitely don’t shop your own niece!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 08/04/2021 20:16

I appreciate it’s annoying but there are some v simple steps you can take to get rid of them. They shouldn’t be coming to your door, or sending any more letters- one email should stop it.
Debt is hardly a hanging offence, your niece sounds like she’s had a hard time I wouldn’t add to anyone’s troubles.

Totallyworthit · 08/04/2021 20:16

She then spoke to her mother who called me and implied I was being cruel

Tell the mother you will happily give them her address instead then.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 08/04/2021 20:16

@DoubleTweenQueen

Won't they just find her eventually anyway? Better to tackle the problem than pretend it doesn't exist.
Ok so they find her- let them find her, don’t give out someone’s add
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