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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give debt collectors my relatives address?

555 replies

Famproblems1 · 08/04/2021 19:43

NC, I'll try to keep it short.

5 years ago I let a younger relative come and stay with me temporarily when she was leaving domestic violence in another part of the country, she stayed with me for approx 12 months before moving on into a place of her own with her small children.

During the course of that relationship alot of debt was accumulated before she left age 20..she says the majority of this was due to the partner taking out contract phones and payday loans using her details and that she had no control of her finances.

Despite the fact she doesn't live here anymore and hasn't for almost 4 years I'm still getting letters here addressed to her from debt collectors asking for money and to be honest I'm tired of it and want no part of it.

Obviously I've mentioned this to her a number of times and she claims she has contacted the companies and told them not to send anything else to my address as she doesn't live here. If that's true, which is debatable, then they clearly haven't listened.

I'm aware that she's paying a token sum to a couple of different companies on a monthly basis so she she says she's doing what she can but claims to be out of her depth and can only work part time. She has refused to give her address to these people citing that she's vulnerable with MH problems and has her disabled child there.

I received another letter through the door for her this morning after a peaceful couple of months, low and behold a debt collection company demanding £300 odd and I've reached the end of my rope.

We spoke over the phone which ended in something of a heated discussion because I said I'm going to give them her new address as I'm sick of the letters coming here and don't want debt collectors turning up here trying to take control of my property.

She then spoke to her mother who called me and implied I was being cruel.

So WIBU to do exactly that?

OP posts:
notangelinajolie · 08/04/2021 21:22

@Famproblems1

She left the boyfriend 5 years ago, moved out of my home 4 years ago and the letters still haven't stopped. If anybody can assure me that eventually they will and they won't come back to my door I'll consider not passing on the address but unfortunately, at the moment, I don't see any end to this.

I don't think it's the case that it will be written off in 2 years, not sure where that comes from? The letters have been coming here for more than 2 years.

Only one doorstep visit in that time but a fuck ton of letters.

After 6 years the debt will become statute barred and the collectors cannot enforce her debt in a court of law. The debt collection will be picking up a pace because that deadline is getting nearer. I would hold out for just a bit longer if you can.
WhereYouLeftIt · 08/04/2021 21:22

@Famproblems1

I'm actually quite concerned that they won't believe any attempt from me telling them she doesn't live here anymore and that they'll take control of my belongings.

No matter how many times she or my sister says that won't happen it doesn't take away from the stress that it just might.

It was the fact that every letter that came here addressed to her filled me with dread that lead to me opening them in the first place.

Well, given that your sister "called me and implied I was being cruel", I'd be inclined to let her deal with it all. Don't give them your niece's address, give them your sisters as a 'care of' address. Let your sister be all blithe about it when she's having the letters landed on her doormat.
shouldistop · 08/04/2021 21:24

What is statue barred? Surely if these debts were going to go away they'd have done so by now.

6 years it takes

Original poster
Famproblems1 · 08/04/2021 21:24

After 6 years the debt will become statute barred and the collectors cannot enforce her debt in a court of law. The debt collection will be picking up a pace because that deadline is getting nearer. I would hold out for just a bit longer if you can.

So does that mean that after 6 years they have to stop sending letters and knocking doors?

OP posts:
Original poster
Famproblems1 · 08/04/2021 21:25

If the statue barred thing applied in this case surely they'd have stopped by now, assuming there weren't phone contracts and payday loans taken out immediately before she left?

OP posts:
shouldistop · 08/04/2021 21:26

I believe it's 6 years from defaulting on the debt

JackieTheFart · 08/04/2021 21:26

If she’s already told them her new address, then why does it make a difference if you also do that? Confused

She clearly hasn’t told them and is hoping the problem goes away.

YANBU. You’re not obliged to continue shielding her just because she’s family.

Original poster
Famproblems1 · 08/04/2021 21:27

The relationship spanned 4 or 5 years so I'm assuming the debt was accrued over that period as opposed to just in the run up to leaving, therefore shouldn't some of it already be statue barred? I'm not familiar with these things I've never been in debt.

OP posts:
ForwardRanger · 08/04/2021 21:27

Yes you could give hers or her mum's address but let's face it, there's going to be a big fall out which is unpleasant for everyone. So technically it's the right thing to do but in real terms you probably want to keep family stress to a minimum.
For that reason I think it would be in your best interests to do what the landlord in this thread advised, return the letters and advise the companies of the date she left your address and a copy of council tax bill. That way you're in the clear and your family stress is not heightened further.

I know your niece and sister have behaved badly here, however I think you'd be wise not to stoop to that level of drama.

RestingPandaFace · 08/04/2021 21:28

If you ring the company and tell them the date that she moved out and that you have no contact and don’t have her address they will stop sending you letters and put their efforts into tracing her.

Personally if it was family I would go down this route first. They should stop.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 08/04/2021 21:28

These bailiffs can’t do anything to you OP- why you think they have such authority is beyond me! If they dare to
Enter your property you call the police, you can show them proof she doesn’t live there- you seem intent on trying to teach her a lesson so dob her in. Let’s just hope she can manage to feed her disabled child after this.

Original poster
Famproblems1 · 08/04/2021 21:28

She has never been on my council tax bill or tenancy. I'm in a H.A house and have been for the past 20 years. She wasn't added on to my tenancy.

OP posts:
popcornlover13 · 08/04/2021 21:30

We had this for the previous owners of our house when we moved in. Every letter we received I wrote on the envelope 'does not live at this address'. They soon stoped sending them. I was worried that bailiffs would come but I also rang the company number and explained that they didn't live here and I had no forwarding address for them. Hope you get it sorted soon OP x

memberofthewedding · 08/04/2021 21:30

I once rented a flat and the previous tenants had gone bankrupt. I had a stream of letters and debt collectors calling as they owed money to HMRC. At first I felt sorry for them and would not give out their address on principle. I have worked in the debt industry and I know how corrupt it is. Most callers were polite. 'I showed them ID and simply directed them to the agents for more information.

However my patience snapped when I got a CF letter from them asking me to redirect money from a source their trustee in bankruptcy did not know about. It was clear they had income they did not want to reveal. My solicitor said not to become involved. When the cheque arrived I did not send it on. I wrote on the envelope *not known" and handed it to the postie. I was so angry that they tried to involve me in cheating their bankruptcy and evading their responsibilities.

The next debt collector who arrived was rude and disrespectful. I showed him my passport to prove I was not the person he was looking for but he demanded to see my tenancy agreement as well. I was very rude back, threatened to call the police, and told his exactly where they were living.

Thereafter whenever a letter arrived I phoned the company and gave them the debtor's new address. Eventually the letters stopped.

If your relative has made a debt management plan with Stepchange or another company good for her. However it sounds like she has not included all her debts and has left some off the list. I would not blame you for passing on her address.

shouldistop · 08/04/2021 21:31

The relationship spanned 4 or 5 years so I'm assuming the debt was accrued over that period as opposed to just in the run up to leaving, therefore shouldn't some of it already be statue barred? I'm not familiar with these things I've never been in debt.

I think the 6 years starts when you default on payments which probably happened when she fled the abusive relationship.

Original poster
Famproblems1 · 08/04/2021 21:33

So could it be then that her contacting them and entering into a payment plan would stop the debt becoming statue barred? Other than not wanting to pay it that is the only reason I can think of for her avoiding it, in light of the knowledgeable posts here.

OP posts:
GoingBacktoSchool123 · 08/04/2021 21:33

Just write “NOT AT THIS ADDRESS - RETURN TO SENDER” . And post them into a post box. No grief, no hassle. If you’d done that at the start they’d have stopped writing to your address years ago.

HelloDulling · 08/04/2021 21:34

Is there a reason you haven’t just given them your sister’s address?

Original poster
Famproblems1 · 08/04/2021 21:35

I haven't given my sister's address as despite her very much taking nieces side over this, I wouldn't want to cause her any stress personally. It's not her problem any more than it is mine.

OP posts:
shouldistop · 08/04/2021 21:36

So could it be then that her contacting them and entering into a payment plan would stop the debt becoming statue barred? Other than not wanting to pay it that is the only reason I can think of for her avoiding it, in light of the knowledgeable posts here.

I think that's right. Not 100% sure though.

StoneofDestiny · 08/04/2021 21:38

Just write “NOT AT THIS ADDRESS - RETURN TO SENDER” . And post them into a post box. No grief, no hassle. If you’d done that at the start they’d have stopped writing to your address years ago

That won't stop it. I've known people who have done this and there was no change at all.

Give over her address and let her deal with it. People are owed money and have a right to expect it back.

Singlenotsingle · 08/04/2021 21:41

I had this with my son. I phoned the debt collection company and told them he didn't live here, and it was my house. They wanted a copy of a recent bill, and I sent a copy of the confirmation of insurance from my house insurance company. I haven't had any more problems.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 08/04/2021 21:45

@Famproblems1

She has never been on my council tax bill or tenancy. I'm in a H.A house and have been for the past 20 years. She wasn't added on to my tenancy.
Yes that’s the point- she’s not on it, she doesn’t live at this address!
enjoyingscience · 08/04/2021 21:50

Keep returning to sender. The previous occupants of our house had a lot of debt and left without updating their details with anyone.we were getting 5-6 letters a day at one point, just scribbled on the envelopes and sent them all back.

I can’t understand why you would want to send trouble to your relatives door when there’s nothing happening bad to you at the minute? Letters not addressed to you shouldn’t stress you out, you shouldn’t be opening them in the first place.

RaiseTheBeastie · 08/04/2021 21:52

It's easy for someone who's 'never been in debt' to take the moral high ground and say she should just sort it.

It sounds like these are not debts of her making and that she has enough on her plate to handle. I've experienced what living in fear of the bailiffs is like and it's fucking miserable. Burying your head in the sand is sometimes necessary to a degree in order to be able to keep getting out of bed every day.

Sure, it sucks that you're being mildly inconvenienced by it but really that's all it is isn't it? Just open each letter, call them and say 'x is a relative who stayed here temporarily, she moved out on x date but as we've fallen out I don't have a forwarding address'.

That's it, your part is done. No more letters and you dont have to send the bailiffs to her door.

The only downside is you don't get your revenge or to teach her the lesson you feel she deserves whilst sitting on your high horse - which I suspect is what this is about. No need for all the drama and hyperbole unless that's your true intention, it's easily sorted.

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