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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To give debt collectors my relatives address?

555 replies

Famproblems1 · 08/04/2021 19:43

NC, I'll try to keep it short.

5 years ago I let a younger relative come and stay with me temporarily when she was leaving domestic violence in another part of the country, she stayed with me for approx 12 months before moving on into a place of her own with her small children.

During the course of that relationship alot of debt was accumulated before she left age 20..she says the majority of this was due to the partner taking out contract phones and payday loans using her details and that she had no control of her finances.

Despite the fact she doesn't live here anymore and hasn't for almost 4 years I'm still getting letters here addressed to her from debt collectors asking for money and to be honest I'm tired of it and want no part of it.

Obviously I've mentioned this to her a number of times and she claims she has contacted the companies and told them not to send anything else to my address as she doesn't live here. If that's true, which is debatable, then they clearly haven't listened.

I'm aware that she's paying a token sum to a couple of different companies on a monthly basis so she she says she's doing what she can but claims to be out of her depth and can only work part time. She has refused to give her address to these people citing that she's vulnerable with MH problems and has her disabled child there.

I received another letter through the door for her this morning after a peaceful couple of months, low and behold a debt collection company demanding £300 odd and I've reached the end of my rope.

We spoke over the phone which ended in something of a heated discussion because I said I'm going to give them her new address as I'm sick of the letters coming here and don't want debt collectors turning up here trying to take control of my property.

She then spoke to her mother who called me and implied I was being cruel.

So WIBU to do exactly that?

OP posts:
nerdsville · 08/04/2021 22:25

@Alwaysandforeverhere

Just ring up and offer to send a copy of your council tax bill proving no adults with that name live at the address.

If she’s waiting for statue barred she cannot speak to them at all.

This! Or don't even bother calling, just get a few photocopies of your council tax bill and send one to each of the companies with a letter stating that you are (as evidenced) the only resident at this address, that your relative has moved away and you do not have a forwarding address and request that they kindly fuck off.

Based on my extensive watching of 'can't pay, we'll take it away,' the bailiffs on there accept council tax bills and tenancy agreements etc as proof of residency (or indeed non-residency) so would hope the creditor company would accept the same proof and it should trigger them to start trying to trace the new address?

ThisMammaCat · 08/04/2021 22:28

You can get it on record that she no longer lives there without throwing her under the bus. Debt collectors can be quite cruel, I've been in debt in the past and the anxiety from not being able to meet their demands is quite crippling, they never want to accept an amount that would leave a person with enough money for food and bills. I can see how someone with MH issues would have a very hard time dealing with them.

I understand why you've had enough but surely just getting it officially recorded that she isn't living there is enough, unless you are feeling particularly spiteful.

I've had debt collectors coming to my door for someone who doesn't live here anymore and I proved they didn't live here without having to reveal their new address (I don't know it but if I did I still wouldn't have given it). It wasn't hard. Oh and that person's debt was being handled by courts, there was a court order to enter to take goods- that's pretty much as bad as it can get as far as I know and it STILL wasn't hard to tell them that the person is no longer here.

Tootsee · 08/04/2021 22:31

@shouldistop

*One of them came to my door 18 months ago looking to speak to her, very polite but besides the point. I said she didn't live here and hasn't been here for a long time, didn't stop the letters coming.

Yes I can choose not to open them or just pass them on to her but that doesn't stop them coming here either.*

Have you actually phoned the companies? The thug at the door wouldn't have bothered passing any messages on.

“The thug at the door”!!

So anyone legally trying to get someone to pay up what they owe are thugs? Unbelievable!!

Just think that if you are the victim of a bad deal, not paid for services given, or someone just refuses to pay money they owe you, what are you going to do? Just ignore it and say they can keep your money? After all you won’t want to take them to Court, because if the case is found in your favour you would probably need to use these thugs (aka Sheriffs) who act as High Court Officers, to get your money back!

Famproblems1 · 08/04/2021 22:32

It's not immediately obvious that they are debt collectors letters no, but I know from experience that they are almost the only letters that come here.

I continued to receive her bank statements monthly after she moved on because her bank wouldn't let her change her address with them as she doesn't have a driver's licence or passport, so my address was stuck on system as being where her bank was registered which probably hasn't helped matters.

OP posts:
Famproblems1 · 08/04/2021 22:34

They're not sheriffs and high court enforcement officers they are companies such as Rossendales. I can dig out the other ones in the morning but that's today's one.

OP posts:
HosannainExcelSheets · 08/04/2021 22:37

Return to sender with "not at this address" written in n the front. Don't pass on her address to anyone. That's unnecessary, and it's not a huge bother to return unopened post.

Feedingthebirds1 · 08/04/2021 22:41

This is a difficult one. She's not in a good place mentally and has a child with disability. But on the other hand, her attitude does seem to be to stick her head in the sand, and while they're coming to you not her she's pretending the debts (and letters) don't exist. It seems odd that if she really has contacted the companies, they're all still writing to your address. Some of them possibly, but not all.

Write to all the companies (I think given that you've had bailiffs at the door you could say you'd got a reasonable excuse for opening them as you wanted to know who might turn up next), tell them that she did live there between x and y dates but that she no longer does so. Include your CT bill and invite them to look at the electoral roll. At that point it should stop.

HotelCaliforniaOnRepeat · 08/04/2021 22:42

Just return to sender "not at this address" not your circus, not your monkeys.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 08/04/2021 22:42

Out of interest, considering her mother's being so protective, how come she stayed with you for a year rather than her mum?

To answer your own question, I'd be more inclined to hold back if she'd done more to help herself by accessing debt advice, but you said she claims life gets in the way ... in other words she doesn't give a stuff as long as she's not the one being hassled

Therefore I'd give them her address

MrsNewms85 · 08/04/2021 22:45

I don't agree with you opening her letters, that not ok.
You could just write "not at this address" and put the letters back in the post box?

MrsNewms85 · 08/04/2021 22:46

@shouldistop

I don't understand why you would do that. Contact the companies and tell them she doesn't live there and to stop writing to you.
Agree with this.
bossybloss · 08/04/2021 22:48

Return to sender ! They will stop coming x

Iremembertheelderlykoreanlady · 08/04/2021 22:49

You shouldn't open her letters

Contact all the companies contacting you and tell them she doesn't live there anymore and to stop sending letters

It's statute not statue

MrsNewms85 · 08/04/2021 22:49

@katy1213

This is probably affecting your credit rating. Give them both addresses and let them sort it out themselves.
This does not affect your personal credit score unless you shared an account with her for one of the things that's in arrears.
Twatterati · 08/04/2021 22:50

If she spoke to a company like Stepchange or CAP (Christians Against Poverty, available to everyone, not just Christians) she'd find them hugely helpful and reassuring and could possibly even get the debts written off, depending upon the amount.

Sadly it can be totally overwhelming and I understand when she says life gets in the way. It's an awful thing to confront. My ex-h did exactly what her partner did, to the tune of about £15k and it took me years to find the strength and courage to contact CAP. However, after them
negotiating on my behalf and working out a realistic payment plan I will be debt free in about three more months.

Please please try and encourage her to contact them, or send the post to her mum and get her to do it. She will not need to pay the full amount back in one go. An achievable amount can be negotiated, interest frozen etc. It's daft to ignore it as it completely knackers your credit rating for at least 6 years after each default.

A debt collector WILL NOT remove anything of yours or come after you for the money. Despite their terrible reputation they are governed strictly. However you should probably return some of the post as 'not known at this address' to avoid a CCJ being registered as it could make it difficult when/if you want to get credit, just proving the CCJ
is not yours.

Famproblems1 · 08/04/2021 22:51

Out of interest, considering her mother's being so protective, how come she stayed with you for a year rather than her mum?

Lack of space there, she's in a 1 bed flat whereas I have a 3 bed house. It seemed like the best option at the time, which I now regret.

OP posts:
MrsNewms85 · 08/04/2021 22:52

@Famproblems1

Why should I have to ring the companies? None of it is my problem or my doing.
I get where you're coming from but why make it worse for her when with a couple of calls or asking her Mam to do it can avoid this? Seems a bit unnecessarily unkind to send them straight after her.
MrsNewms85 · 08/04/2021 22:55

@Aprilx

I’m not exactly a bleeding heart liberal, but I really cannot fathom why you would give debt collectors her address. All you need to do is tell them she doesn’t live there anymore, anything else is spiteful. I currently receive regular debt collection letters for someone that rented my house out whilst I was working overseas. It is mildly annoying but it really doesn’t hurt me, I genuinely don’t know where these people are, but nevertheless I send them back with “not at this address” and don’t give it much more thought.
The nice and right thing to do.
Famproblems1 · 08/04/2021 22:55

I have urged her to seek support for the debts many times over the years, at one point I even offered to help her pay one of the smaller ones. Something daft like £100. She insisted I shouldn't, because why should I pay for something the wanker boyfriend did.

Which is ironic because I'm paying for it now albeit in a different way...

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 08/04/2021 22:57

Lack of space (at sister's), she's in a 1 bed flat whereas I have a 3 bed house

I guess that worked well for your sister then Hmm but what a shame neither of them are a little more appreciative of all you've already done

As you've said yourself it's been made your problem long enough - time, perhaps, to bring it to a halt no matter how "cruel" they think you're being

Tootsee · 08/04/2021 22:58

I would definitely pass her address on. I have no time for anyone not paying their debts.

I started getting official looking letters for my ds’s ex-gf. At first I just put them back in the letterbox as not known at this address, but they just kept coming, so I opened them. She had used my address to buy a new car on Hire Purchase, plus for a Credit Card and for a Store Account, despite NEVER having lived here! I have no idea how she was able to do this without any checks or any proof of address with the relevant companies. One of the letters said that the case had been handed over to a Debt Collection Agency and another had been referred to the Small Claims Court. Too right I phoned them and passed her new address on.

Osirus · 08/04/2021 22:59

@shouldistop

I don't understand why you would do that. Contact the companies and tell them she doesn't live there and to stop writing to you.
I agree with this. The same thing happened to me with a family member (even had bailiffs turn up with a truck!), and I returned all letters to sender, with “not known as this address” on the envelope.

They eventually stopped.

howmanyhats · 08/04/2021 23:01

@Famproblems1

I have urged her to seek support for the debts many times over the years, at one point I even offered to help her pay one of the smaller ones. Something daft like £100. She insisted I shouldn't, because why should I pay for something the wanker boyfriend did.

Which is ironic because I'm paying for it now albeit in a different way...

Just stop it! No, you're not paying for them, you're just creating a mountain out of a molehill.

Yes your niece was wrong to run these debts up at your house, but it wasn't illegal.

Opening her post IS illegal. Giving the debt collectors her address will create issues for you in your family that could easily be avoided.

Just send them back, this is the correct thing to do. YOU are massively compounding the issue by not doing this.

Cavagirl · 08/04/2021 23:02

OP honestly the only reason you are stressed about this is because she's your relative and you're opening the letters and reading them!

If she was a random previous tenant you'd have no idea what they were, you'd just think "that's annoying they are still getting so many letters" be writing return to sender on the envelope, sticking them back in the letterbox and getting on with your day!

Why are you getting so stressed out about mail that's not addressed to you?? I see you've lived there for 20 years, maybe you don't realise this is literally what everyone who moves house with any frequency has to deal with!!!

Forget you know her, stop opening her mail, and just take a trip to the postbox once a month. Honestly you're using up so much headspace on this, it's not your problem to solve!

Welllllllwellllllllwellllllll · 08/04/2021 23:02

What a delightful person you are OP Hmm

It is illegal to open someone's post and I hope your niece reports you. Oh, worst case scenario it's a two-year jail sentence.

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