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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give debt collectors my relatives address?

555 replies

Famproblems1 · 08/04/2021 19:43

NC, I'll try to keep it short.

5 years ago I let a younger relative come and stay with me temporarily when she was leaving domestic violence in another part of the country, she stayed with me for approx 12 months before moving on into a place of her own with her small children.

During the course of that relationship alot of debt was accumulated before she left age 20..she says the majority of this was due to the partner taking out contract phones and payday loans using her details and that she had no control of her finances.

Despite the fact she doesn't live here anymore and hasn't for almost 4 years I'm still getting letters here addressed to her from debt collectors asking for money and to be honest I'm tired of it and want no part of it.

Obviously I've mentioned this to her a number of times and she claims she has contacted the companies and told them not to send anything else to my address as she doesn't live here. If that's true, which is debatable, then they clearly haven't listened.

I'm aware that she's paying a token sum to a couple of different companies on a monthly basis so she she says she's doing what she can but claims to be out of her depth and can only work part time. She has refused to give her address to these people citing that she's vulnerable with MH problems and has her disabled child there.

I received another letter through the door for her this morning after a peaceful couple of months, low and behold a debt collection company demanding £300 odd and I've reached the end of my rope.

We spoke over the phone which ended in something of a heated discussion because I said I'm going to give them her new address as I'm sick of the letters coming here and don't want debt collectors turning up here trying to take control of my property.

She then spoke to her mother who called me and implied I was being cruel.

So WIBU to do exactly that?

OP posts:
OppsUpsSide · 08/04/2021 21:04

You’re being a bit odd, you don’t want to ring them but also want to give them her address, how are you planning on doing that then?
It’s easy enough to call and say ‘they don’t live here’, I don’t know why you’d do their job for them.
Ring, say ‘she doesn’t live here moved out X time ago, and pop letters back in the post to sender. Job done.

monkehsee · 08/04/2021 21:05

@Famproblems1

So what's the penalty for opening post addressed to somebody else then? Confused
Fines and or imprisonment.
ginoclocksomewhere · 08/04/2021 21:05

How are people turning this back around to OP? Ok, the niece has MH problems. The stress is GIVING OP mental health problems.

Just give them the address, and wipe your hands of both of them- they clearly don't care about you and your health.

monkehsee · 08/04/2021 21:07

@ComDummings

Only without a reasonable excuse under the Postal Act. OP has a reason to open the post 🤷🏼‍♀️ so it’s not illegal.
This means unforseeable circs such as the addresse has passed away and their family are opting the post to cancel accounts etc not because she's receiving post addressed to her niece. Hmm
monkehsee · 08/04/2021 21:08

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

I had this with a previous tenant at my current address. I crossed out and 'Returned to sender' over a hundred times before I lost my patience, opened a letter, called them and told them to STOP.

Please be aware this may also affect your credit rating.

I wish people would stop scaremongering with the 'This could affect your credit rating' I would repeat again credit ratings are on a person not an address
ginoclocksomewhere · 08/04/2021 21:08

If she's had bailiffs turn up, it's very reasonable.

ekidmxcl · 08/04/2021 21:10

Be careful. A friend of mine had a nasty incident where he opened the door to debt collectors and they aggressively came in and stated they were going to take his stuff if he didn't give them £550. The £550 was owed by a person he'd had in as a lodger some time back. Nothing at all to do with him, not a household bill or anything. But he ended up paying it on his debit card in order to stop them taking his stuff away. He said they were a pair of the nastiest people he'd ever dealt with.

The solution to this is simple. If your sister doesn't want your niece stressed out, then your sister can give you the 300 for you to pass along to the debt collectors. I'd tell your sister to hand the money over.

I have to say it would be pretty grim to hand niece's address over, despite you not being in the wrong.

acrossthebrooklynbridge · 08/04/2021 21:10

Literally cannot believe the replies on here. Just return to sender stating she doesnt live there

I did this for over two years for a relative who had lived with me for a while. I must have sent back over two dozen "return to sender/not at this address" during that time. It did not make any difference and the letters still continued to arrive. I then began to open them and rang the various companies - all sorts of promises were made that our address was deleted from the system etc, but the letters kept arriving. One company told me they take no notice of the "not at this address" returned letters because that is what the genuine debtors always do. It was only giving the companies their new address that stopped the letters arriving. And I don't feel bad about doing that because the person who was in debt, and did suffer from MH problems, did not suffer in any way as a result of the companies knowing their address - infact they were helped and supported.

liverpool1981 · 08/04/2021 21:12

She is probably ignoring the debt and hoping the six or seven year rule will apply where it's statue barred.

WisnaeMe · 08/04/2021 21:13

Having the same Surname is likely causing an issue too.

liverpool1981 · 08/04/2021 21:13

I would just put the letter in the bin. There is no way I would do this on anyone.

Original poster
Famproblems1 · 08/04/2021 21:14

Those saying why haven't I called up.. because it won't make a blind bit of difference if I do that and nothing else. As people have said they won't give up sending letters here until they have a forwarding address. I am going to contact them but it'll be to pass on her address, not to go around the houses saying she's not here and I don't know where she is. They are persistent and I just don't want to deal with it any longer.

I do believe she has contacted them atleast once and that didn't make a difference. Whether she's telling the truth about calling more than once i don't know, but either way they continue.

I told the collector in person at my door that she didn't live here.

I have encouraged her to pay the debts many times over the years but each time we have the conversation it results in one of us putting down the phone and an awkward atmosphere over the next few weeks.

Her position is she's paying what she can, to who she can, but cannot spare a penny more.

My position is that it just isn't my problem.

OP posts:
Notaroadrunner · 08/04/2021 21:15

@DontBeRidiculous

She's an adult. She can sort out her own problems. Either that or give them her mother's address, if she's so eager to help!
I agree to give her mothers address. Tell your sister that you are giving her address seeing as she doesn't want you to give her daughters address. Then see how she likes getting the letters and possible bailiff visits.
Spudbyanyothername · 08/04/2021 21:16

Any letter addressed to her, don’t open it, cross out your address and write across the front in black marker “not at this address, please remove this address from your database” then post back in the postbox without a stamp and forget about it.

WisnaeMe · 08/04/2021 21:17

OP you are doing the right thing for you.

Ilovenandos · 08/04/2021 21:17

Why does it bother, it’s a letter not a knock on the door. Just bin them and give the poor girl a break. I am sure they will eventually track her down, don’t be the one to lead them there. She was once very desperate and you never forget that!

5zeds · 08/04/2021 21:18

IF you stop opening her mail and instead send it to her, she can deal with her debts.

looselegs · 08/04/2021 21:19

My Mum had this problem. Had an old friend move in with her, she ran up debt,then moved. Mum had debt collectors on the doorstep, calling her, sending letters.......it was stressing her out so I told them where the 'friend' had moved to!
Why should you have to put up with all the crap from the debt collectors when your neice won't???

Beautiful3 · 08/04/2021 21:19

I would open them and ring them up I would not give her new address. I'd explain that she moved away on x date. When we moved into our new house, we had debt collecting letters for the previous tenants. I called then up and explained. I never got another letter from them again.

Zoecarter · 08/04/2021 21:19

I am a debt collector they can’t change the address from you due to Dpa. If you get mail for her do not open return as “not at this address” and they will then be able to see h her useing other methods.

shouldistop · 08/04/2021 21:19

Those saying why haven't I called up.. because it won't make a blind bit of difference if I do that and nothing else. As people have said they won't give up sending letters here until they have a forwarding address

Except a few of us have had debt collectors letters and visits for people who no longer live at our houses, have phoned up and the companies stopped writing. You're only paying attention to the posts that you want to.
You're calling anyway so no extra effort involved. It's up to you of course if you want to fall out with your sister and niece, assume that neither of them will speak to you again.

Alwaysandforeverhere · 08/04/2021 21:20

@ekidmxcl

Be careful. A friend of mine had a nasty incident where he opened the door to debt collectors and they aggressively came in and stated they were going to take his stuff if he didn't give them £550. The £550 was owed by a person he'd had in as a lodger some time back. Nothing at all to do with him, not a household bill or anything. But he ended up paying it on his debit card in order to stop them taking his stuff away. He said they were a pair of the nastiest people he'd ever dealt with.

The solution to this is simple. If your sister doesn't want your niece stressed out, then your sister can give you the 300 for you to pass along to the debt collectors. I'd tell your sister to hand the money over.

I have to say it would be pretty grim to hand niece's address over, despite you not being in the wrong.

Then they should of rang there bank afterwards and got it cancelled as a payment made under duress.

I can’t believe that these bullies get away with this and can’t pay take it away was sold on so many lies scaring people for tv.

Original poster
Famproblems1 · 08/04/2021 21:20

It might only be letters at the minute but it has been a knock on my door before and there's every chance it'll happen again.

What is statue barred? Surely if these debts were going to go away they'd have done so by now..

OP posts:
acrossthebrooklynbridge · 08/04/2021 21:22

Any letter addressed to her, don’t open it, cross out your address and write across the front in black marker “not at this address, please remove this address from your database” then post back in the postbox without a stamp and forget about it

I was told by one company (after two years of receiving letters about someone else's debt) that they do NOT remove addresses from their databases until they have another address. This debt collecting company NEVER removed an address when a letter was returned unopened. They told me this is because what the debtors themselves often do, and so they take no notice - even though they do make frequent promises they have removed the address if you call. They only take the "wrong" address off their database when they have a current address for the debtor.

Standrewsschool · 08/04/2021 21:22

@Spudbyanyothername

Any letter addressed to her, don’t open it, cross out your address and write across the front in black marker “not at this address, please remove this address from your database” then post back in the postbox without a stamp and forget about it.
I don’t think this works, as anyone with a debt could do this to get the debt of their back.

They’re not your debts. I would give the company the mother’s address or her address. As others have said, the longer she leaves it, the higher the debts will be. By not addressing the problem, the situation will get worse.

Her debts are not your responsibilty.