Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To give debt collectors my relatives address?

555 replies

Famproblems1 · 08/04/2021 19:43

NC, I'll try to keep it short.

5 years ago I let a younger relative come and stay with me temporarily when she was leaving domestic violence in another part of the country, she stayed with me for approx 12 months before moving on into a place of her own with her small children.

During the course of that relationship alot of debt was accumulated before she left age 20..she says the majority of this was due to the partner taking out contract phones and payday loans using her details and that she had no control of her finances.

Despite the fact she doesn't live here anymore and hasn't for almost 4 years I'm still getting letters here addressed to her from debt collectors asking for money and to be honest I'm tired of it and want no part of it.

Obviously I've mentioned this to her a number of times and she claims she has contacted the companies and told them not to send anything else to my address as she doesn't live here. If that's true, which is debatable, then they clearly haven't listened.

I'm aware that she's paying a token sum to a couple of different companies on a monthly basis so she she says she's doing what she can but claims to be out of her depth and can only work part time. She has refused to give her address to these people citing that she's vulnerable with MH problems and has her disabled child there.

I received another letter through the door for her this morning after a peaceful couple of months, low and behold a debt collection company demanding £300 odd and I've reached the end of my rope.

We spoke over the phone which ended in something of a heated discussion because I said I'm going to give them her new address as I'm sick of the letters coming here and don't want debt collectors turning up here trying to take control of my property.

She then spoke to her mother who called me and implied I was being cruel.

So WIBU to do exactly that?

OP posts:
emilyfrost · 09/04/2021 18:10

@Famproblems1

Well it's done now I've passed on the address, thank you to those of you who confirmed it was the right thing to do. Hopefully now the letters will stop.
Hopefully she realises you committed fraud when she lived with you and you didn’t declare it and shops you Grin

It won’t be as simple as “oh I honestly didn’t realise, I really am that ignorant, I’ll just pay you now” Wink

WisnaeMe · 09/04/2021 18:14

Hopefully she realises you committed fraud when she lived with you and you didn’t declare it and shops you

It won’t be as simple as “oh I honestly didn’t realise, I really am that ignorant, I’ll just pay you now”

Oh my... someones spitting the Dummy 😂

emilyfrost · 09/04/2021 18:24

@WisnaeMe Not really, I’m not averse to OP passing on the address.

I do think she’s very bitter and acting out because she doesn’t think her niece was grateful enough.

She has a massive problem with her niece not changing her address but seems okay with committing two crimes herself.

OP doesn’t have the moral highground; she’s tantrumming because her niece didn’t behave as she wanted her to.

jessstan2 · 09/04/2021 18:30

Hopefully the niece will go missing before receiving nasty letters.

I am really shocked you have passed on her address, op.

WisnaeMe · 09/04/2021 18:30

[quote emilyfrost]**@WisnaeMe Not really, I’m not averse to OP passing on the address.

I do think she’s very bitter and acting out because she doesn’t think her niece was grateful enough.

She has a massive problem with her niece not changing her address but seems okay with committing two crimes herself.

OP doesn’t have the moral highground; she’s tantrumming because her niece didn’t behave as she wanted her to.[/quote]

yeah... you said lol

WisnaeMe · 09/04/2021 18:31

Hopefully the niece will go missing

I think that's a shocking thing to say

Famproblems1 · 09/04/2021 18:38

@WisnaeMe

Hopefully the niece will go missing

I think that's a shocking thing to say

Quite!
OP posts:
Belladonna12 · 09/04/2021 18:40

@Famproblems1

Well it's done now I've passed on the address, thank you to those of you who confirmed it was the right thing to do. Hopefully now the letters will stop.
As if you did it because it was the "right thing to do". If that was the reason you would have done it years ago rather than waiting until you were annoyed with her. I somehow doubt they will bother with you in the future.
osbertthesyrianhamster · 09/04/2021 18:42

@jessstan2

Hopefully the niece will go missing before receiving nasty letters.

I am really shocked you have passed on her address, op.

Hmm

She didn't pay the debts. Imagine if the creditor is a small business. Small businesses have collapsed due to people using their goods or services and then not paying for it because 'meh, debt, can't get stressed about that'.

WisnaeMe · 09/04/2021 18:44

As if you did it because it was the "right thing to do". If that was the reason you would have done it years ago rather than waiting until you were annoyed with her. I somehow doubt they will bother with you in the future.

Bonus 🌸

Jumpers268 · 09/04/2021 18:47

I'm glad you were able to contact them with her new address. Even though you couldn't contact them to say she no longer lived with you or, you know, return the letters to sender.

And agreed @emilyfrost!

Belladonna12 · 09/04/2021 18:53

She didn't pay the debts. Imagine if the creditor is a small business. Small businesses have collapsed due to people using their goods or services and then not paying for it because 'meh, debt, can't get stressed about that'.

A debt collection agency will have bought the debt.

Belladonna12 · 09/04/2021 18:54

@WisnaeMe

As if you did it because it was the "right thing to do". If that was the reason you would have done it years ago rather than waiting until you were annoyed with her. I somehow doubt they will bother with you in the future.

Bonus 🌸

How do you know it is a bonus. Are you OP?
osbertthesyrianhamster · 09/04/2021 18:57

@Belladonna12

She didn't pay the debts. Imagine if the creditor is a small business. Small businesses have collapsed due to people using their goods or services and then not paying for it because 'meh, debt, can't get stressed about that'.

A debt collection agency will have bought the debt.

And? That means it's fine to get in debt and not pay it because you had a hard time in life?
Mummabug18 · 09/04/2021 19:04

@Mumoftwoinprimary

Could you give the debt collector her mother’s address. Then she can decide how heartless or otherwise it is....
This is easily my favourite solution. If her mother wants to get involved then she can take over nagging her daughter.

You can call each company to let them know tell them she doesn't live there and, unfortunately you don't know where she is due to safety concerns over domestic violence from her past.

I would like to make a note that, I believe, after 6 years of debtors not being able to make contact with someone, the debt must be wiped. As for enforcers taking your belongings (if you chose to put up with 2 more years) then just DON'T let them into your property. Don't leave windows or doors open and if you feel necessary, call the property to "help prevent the breach of peace" then you can ask THEM to inspect your home to PROVE only you & yours reside at the property.

Alternatively, give them her address and hope for the best but don't be fooled into thinking that will be the end of it. If they don't have any luck with the address, if they don't make contact with her to confirm it's her address, they WILL be back to you.

I honestly think, before you do ANYTHING, you should speak to someone the Stepchange or the C.A.B to get all your info straight and only make your decision then.

I really hope you get sorted soon 🤞🏻

Belladonna12 · 09/04/2021 19:11

And? That means it's fine to get in debt and not pay it because you had a hard time in life?

Nobody has anything about it being fine to get into debt. I am just pointing out that the debt has been sold on to debt collectors and they will be the ones potentially benefiting from OP passing on the address rather than some small struggling business.

WisnaeMe · 09/04/2021 19:11

@Mummabug18

OP has already informed the Debt Collection Agencies of the cousins home address.

Belladonna12 · 09/04/2021 19:19

Alternatively, give them her address and hope for the best but don't be fooled into thinking that will be the end of it. If they don't have any luck with the address, if they don't make contact with her to confirm it's her address, they WILL be back to you.

That would be ironic...

WisnaeMe · 09/04/2021 19:22

@Belladonna12

Alternatively, give them her address and hope for the best but don't be fooled into thinking that will be the end of it. If they don't have any luck with the address, if they don't make contact with her to confirm it's her address, they WILL be back to you.

That would be ironic...

Makes no difference... it's not OP's debt...

plus there is the Cousins mothers address etc OP can provide... the list is not limited 🌸

Belladonna12 · 09/04/2021 19:26

plus there is the Cousins mothers address etc OP can provide... the list is not limited

Where did OP say it was her cousin? It is her niece and sister. Even if it would be a bonus for you if your sister never spoke to you again, most people don't feel that way.

WisnaeMe · 09/04/2021 19:41

@Belladonna12

plus there is the Cousins mothers address etc OP can provide... the list is not limited

Where did OP say it was her cousin? It is her niece and sister. Even if it would be a bonus for you if your sister never spoke to you again, most people don't feel that way.

well that'll be a Bonus 🌸

Cheesecake53 · 09/04/2021 19:45

@shouldistop

I don't understand why you would do that. Contact the companies and tell them she doesn't live there and to stop writing to you.
Exactly this.
WisnaeMe · 09/04/2021 19:51

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Mamajules43 · 09/04/2021 20:04

They won't try to take control of your house. Just ring and say she doesn't live with you anymore ans they stop.

We had this for our rental property. Don't dob her in on it, ffs.

Mamajules43 · 09/04/2021 20:07

If she's vulnerable with MH problems and a disabled child, you are one very cruel person to give her address when all you need to do it ring the companies and ask them to stop.

I know firsthand that they stop, because our tenants had letters coming to our door. The debt collection agencies are very understanding when you tell them they don't live there.

Have some heart.

Swipe left for the next trending thread