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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To give debt collectors my relatives address?

555 replies

Famproblems1 · 08/04/2021 19:43

NC, I'll try to keep it short.

5 years ago I let a younger relative come and stay with me temporarily when she was leaving domestic violence in another part of the country, she stayed with me for approx 12 months before moving on into a place of her own with her small children.

During the course of that relationship alot of debt was accumulated before she left age 20..she says the majority of this was due to the partner taking out contract phones and payday loans using her details and that she had no control of her finances.

Despite the fact she doesn't live here anymore and hasn't for almost 4 years I'm still getting letters here addressed to her from debt collectors asking for money and to be honest I'm tired of it and want no part of it.

Obviously I've mentioned this to her a number of times and she claims she has contacted the companies and told them not to send anything else to my address as she doesn't live here. If that's true, which is debatable, then they clearly haven't listened.

I'm aware that she's paying a token sum to a couple of different companies on a monthly basis so she she says she's doing what she can but claims to be out of her depth and can only work part time. She has refused to give her address to these people citing that she's vulnerable with MH problems and has her disabled child there.

I received another letter through the door for her this morning after a peaceful couple of months, low and behold a debt collection company demanding £300 odd and I've reached the end of my rope.

We spoke over the phone which ended in something of a heated discussion because I said I'm going to give them her new address as I'm sick of the letters coming here and don't want debt collectors turning up here trying to take control of my property.

She then spoke to her mother who called me and implied I was being cruel.

So WIBU to do exactly that?

OP posts:
monkehsee · 09/04/2021 15:12

@Famproblems1

Thanks Wisnae and everybody else.

Balls to those of you who think I'm the bad one, if any of you want to contribute towards paying her debts or volunteer your address to have her mail redirected there just pop a message in my inbox and I'll be glad to pass the buck over to you Smile

This attitude says it all really, you came on here because you wanted validation for throwing your niece under the bus. Seems you didn't get the majority vote to shop her in, now you are replying like a petulant child throwing toys out of the pram. You don't like people pointing out your faults in this too. You knew she had the issues she did when you invited her to live in your home, now you are complaining that that baggage remains? It is annoying but you need to man up and write to the companies as advise or get a grip! You also evaded paying council tax and declaring a COC, therefor you are no angel yourself. If you are going to be today maybe don't throw stones from your glass house and move along.
monkehsee · 09/04/2021 15:13

Goady not today sorry

monkehsee · 09/04/2021 15:14

@Famproblems1

The bank statements were coming to my home in conjunction with debt collection letters. I didn't consent to my address being used to house either of these things after she moved on. They shouldn't have been coming here and if they weren't then I wouldn't have opened them.

Regardless of that, the fact remained that she does, or at least did, have enough money in the bank on a monthly basis to pay towards clearing the debts.

Only in your opinion did she have enough money.
WisnaeMe · 09/04/2021 15:18

OP Id ask for this Thread to be removed, its become very abusive 🌸

Famproblems1 · 09/04/2021 15:27

Rent paid in full by DWP
Child allowance for two children
Money for her as a lone parent
Sum from part time self employment

But she can't afford a few quid at the end of the month for debts? Ok then Hmm

OP posts:
monkehsee · 09/04/2021 15:30

@Famproblems1

Rent paid in full by DWP Child allowance for two children Money for her as a lone parent Sum from part time self employment

But she can't afford a few quid at the end of the month for debts? Ok then Hmm

But you said she was paying 'a few quit' of token payments to clear the debt. I'm not convinced that it all adds up TBH.
Crappyfridays7 · 09/04/2021 15:37

I get anything delivered that’s not mine & return to sender?.
Why not do that. The debts aren’t in your name. It’s not for you to judge how much she can afford to pay. I wouldn’t open someone else’s mail. Just send it back and move on you were kind and she took advantage

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 09/04/2021 15:54

@Famproblems1

Rent paid in full by DWP Child allowance for two children Money for her as a lone parent Sum from part time self employment

But she can't afford a few quid at the end of the month for debts? Ok then Hmm

Wow so bitter!!!!
Famproblems1 · 09/04/2021 15:54

Choosing to pay a token amount to certain companies whilst ignoring the other ones. If you're paying a fiver (I don't know the exact amount) a month to one company yet doing nothing about other debts then you're not sorting your debts at all.

OP posts:
osbertthesyrianhamster · 09/04/2021 15:57

So it's okay not to pay your debts because you have a hard time in life? Really?

jessstan2 · 09/04/2021 15:57

@Crappyfridays7

I get anything delivered that’s not mine & return to sender?. Why not do that. The debts aren’t in your name. It’s not for you to judge how much she can afford to pay. I wouldn’t open someone else’s mail. Just send it back and move on you were kind and she took advantage
We've been through that one on this thread, Crappyfridays, several times! It falls on deaf ears. .......... Famproblems1

Rent paid in full by DWP
Child allowance for two children
Money for her as a lone parent
Sum from part time self employment

But she can't afford a few quid at the end of the month for debts? Ok then hmm
......
Gordon Bennett, how judgemental can you get!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 09/04/2021 15:58

@osbertthesyrianhamster

So it's okay not to pay your debts because you have a hard time in life? Really?
Can’t get that stressed over debt tbh, hardly a hanging offence. I certainly wouldn’t shop my only family and make life harder for someone.
WisnaeMe · 09/04/2021 16:53

Can’t get that stressed over debt tbh, hardly a hanging offence

You've obviously dealt with a lot of your own debt. I can't imagine living with it. It must be awful. Well done for not stressing 🌸

Bitofanexpert · 09/04/2021 17:05

Tell you what- those of you supporting the actions of her selfish niece- how about you give the OP your addresses so she can change the address for her niece to your house? Or I’m sure you won’t mind passing me your address so I can use it to get a ton of pay day loans and phones on contract and never pay them back. Inbox me your addresses now- it isn’t a big deal after all. You just won’t open the letters after all- and DCA on the doorstep are just everyday life.

Yeah, thought not.

And that’s without me taking you in for a year when you were on the bones of your arse.

Never heard such apologist shit in my life. If the niece has a problem with her post being opened she knows what to do- update her address. Problems solved.

Belladonna12 · 09/04/2021 17:16

@Bitofanexpert

Tell you what- those of you supporting the actions of her selfish niece- how about you give the OP your addresses so she can change the address for her niece to your house? Or I’m sure you won’t mind passing me your address so I can use it to get a ton of pay day loans and phones on contract and never pay them back. Inbox me your addresses now- it isn’t a big deal after all. You just won’t open the letters after all- and DCA on the doorstep are just everyday life.

Yeah, thought not.

And that’s without me taking you in for a year when you were on the bones of your arse.

Never heard such apologist shit in my life. If the niece has a problem with her post being opened she knows what to do- update her address. Problems solved.

Nobody is supporting the actions of the niece. OP would not be supporting her by not opening her private letters and just sending them back to the sender. She would just be minding her own business and keeping out of it as her nieces debts are nothing to do with her. The niece hasn't committed a crime and getting involved just because OP wants to make someone's life unpleasant is not nice.
MeadowHay · 09/04/2021 17:19

Not wanting to get involved in someone else's financial affairs isn't 'supporting' the person involved. Why would I want to be calling up debt collection agencies about someone else's debt? It's none of my business, much easier to return letters to sender Confused

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 09/04/2021 17:25

WisnaeMe no debt thank you, well £300 on a 0% credit card and my mortgage- judge away Grin
perhaps I just live in the real world and see how easy it is for vulnerable people to fall into debt and the unscrupulous methods that debt collectors will try, throw in my family loyalty and you will see why I don’t agree with the OP- not because I’m drowning in debt!

Jumpers268 · 09/04/2021 17:28

Who supported the niece? Also the niece didn't get phone contracts or loans out in the OP's name (or address). I hugely disagree with opening someone else's bank statements, going through them and then discussing the persons finances with other people. I mean what. I don't know in what world that is okay or legal??!! I've had loads of post for the previous tenants. I just returned them for about a year or so and they just go in the bin now.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 09/04/2021 17:33

Either forward the letters to her (unopened) by crossing through address and then write ‘Forward to Niece’s address’. Or return them to sender and write addressee gone away. Returning to sender should stop them coming.

Feedingthebirds1 · 09/04/2021 17:33

This attitude says it all really, you came on here because you wanted validation for throwing your niece under the bus. Seems you didn't get the majority vote to shop her in, now you are replying like a petulant child throwing toys out of the pram.

Those who are saying don't drop her in it are very vocal - the poll is 71% YANBU.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 09/04/2021 17:37

It’s only because she’s your niece that your confused. Any wrongly addressed mail should just be returned to sender unopened.

HotPenguin · 09/04/2021 17:46

Why the hell are you opening post addressed to someone else? You are breaking the law doing that. Just send it back marked "not at this address".

Famproblems1 · 09/04/2021 17:50

Well it's done now I've passed on the address, thank you to those of you who confirmed it was the right thing to do. Hopefully now the letters will stop.

OP posts:
WisnaeMe · 09/04/2021 17:58

@HotPenguin

Why the hell are you opening post addressed to someone else? You are breaking the law doing that. Just send it back marked "not at this address".

this must be the 486th repeat comment.

WisnaeMe · 09/04/2021 17:58

@Famproblems1

Well it's done now I've passed on the address, thank you to those of you who confirmed it was the right thing to do. Hopefully now the letters will stop.

Well done OP 🌸